taking care of ourselves
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Ha Ha Ha figures there eh? 
love ya honey!
Psssst they are all over my home! And coconut! Well....Ummmm errrrrr one of my favs! Food wise too! I make a mean coconut rice and macroons too!
love ya honey! Psssst they are all over my home! And coconut! Well....Ummmm errrrrr one of my favs! Food wise too! I make a mean coconut rice and macroons too!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
In learning to take care of myself - I went to that wonderful women's retreat & guess what that entire family of mine was able to function the whole weekend WITHOUT me - lol!!!!
Already planning other "girl" weekends and recovery plans - enjoying my recovery family & fellowships - that's taking care of myself for me.
Great thread!!
Already planning other "girl" weekends and recovery plans - enjoying my recovery family & fellowships - that's taking care of myself for me.
Great thread!!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
Taking care of myself hey?!?!?! Back in March, whouldda thunk!!!!
I have found my "routine maintenance schedule",,lol..
Al anon meetings 3 times a week. AA meetings twice a week, my very own SPONSOR,,,YAY ME!!!! SR AND a very special recovering A, 23 years sober,,,
I'm thriving in my new city, LOVING my new job and building a NEW life,,,
Geez, and every once in a while, throw in a bubble bath,,,he,he,he
Why didn't I do all this sooner,,,,?
Peace
I have found my "routine maintenance schedule",,lol..
Al anon meetings 3 times a week. AA meetings twice a week, my very own SPONSOR,,,YAY ME!!!! SR AND a very special recovering A, 23 years sober,,,
I'm thriving in my new city, LOVING my new job and building a NEW life,,,
Geez, and every once in a while, throw in a bubble bath,,,he,he,he
Why didn't I do all this sooner,,,,?
Peace
Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: crownpoint newyork
Posts: 820
This thread really hit home.... I wore 3/4 sleeves all summer because I didn't want to spend any money on myself. The last shirt I bought for myself was on a clearance rack for $2.40.. I guess i need to work on this.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 82
taking care of myself was a hard thing for me for quite awhile but not anymore. I go to the bookstore (and actually buy a book I want without guilt), I go to a movie and get whatever I want to snack on, and if I really want to get away I go fishing.
I had a bad week with AW last week so I took my fishing pole and went to a nearby lake and just sat under a tree and fished. The only thing I caught all afternoon was a nap and man did that feel good.
I had a bad week with AW last week so I took my fishing pole and went to a nearby lake and just sat under a tree and fished. The only thing I caught all afternoon was a nap and man did that feel good.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
i just keep thinking of things......
it was a process, but i learned to keep my pie hole shut when others were having conflict. i used to always think i knew how to make peace between people, but it was really just gossiping and stirring the pot.
to take care of myself, i learned to chose my battles, and not get involved in others affairs.
like i said.....it didn't come naturally and i stumbled alot.....but eventually i learned that the only things that concerned me was the immediate space around my body.
i can't tell you how much that improved my life.
it was a process, but i learned to keep my pie hole shut when others were having conflict. i used to always think i knew how to make peace between people, but it was really just gossiping and stirring the pot.
to take care of myself, i learned to chose my battles, and not get involved in others affairs.
like i said.....it didn't come naturally and i stumbled alot.....but eventually i learned that the only things that concerned me was the immediate space around my body.
i can't tell you how much that improved my life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
Originally Posted by embraced2000 
...i learned to keep my pie hole shut when others were having conflict. i used to always think i knew how to make peace between people....
But I do have many other things to show for it....none of them are good though!
Good one Jeri!
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
I buy food that is good for me and enjoy eating it most of the time, but don't have a tough time eating the good toppings off of a pizza either!
I keep my car very clean. Living with an alcoholic distraced me to the point of ridisulousness. I prefer a clean car and house and Im rewarding myself by keeping things in order.
I see friends that enrich my life and avoid the ones who suck the life out of me.
I had alot of friends that needed too much from me and didnt give back. I dont participate in those relationships anymore.
I have allowed myself to start to feel like I could love a man who treats me well. I dont feel bad about it and dont feel guilty for leaving a bad relationship and feel special for the first time in my life....and I like it.
I cherish my life and know that I am important and being happy is the best gift I could give myself.
I keep my car very clean. Living with an alcoholic distraced me to the point of ridisulousness. I prefer a clean car and house and Im rewarding myself by keeping things in order.
I see friends that enrich my life and avoid the ones who suck the life out of me.
I had alot of friends that needed too much from me and didnt give back. I dont participate in those relationships anymore.
I have allowed myself to start to feel like I could love a man who treats me well. I dont feel bad about it and dont feel guilty for leaving a bad relationship and feel special for the first time in my life....and I like it.
I cherish my life and know that I am important and being happy is the best gift I could give myself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
ahhhhhh, icu, but you recieved a bigger reward than any gold watch!and you invested serenity into your pension plan.
we have to look for our own rewards, eh?
my adult children are amazed at the changes they see in me, but i can still see the mark i have left on them by my influence on them while i was raising them when i was sick. they are wonderful children, but i can see the marks of judgements, hysteria over non-critical issues, what-ifing, awfulizing....etc. it breaks my heart that i didn't know better when i was raising them.
i pray they will find a better way.
we have to look for our own rewards, eh?
my adult children are amazed at the changes they see in me, but i can still see the mark i have left on them by my influence on them while i was raising them when i was sick. they are wonderful children, but i can see the marks of judgements, hysteria over non-critical issues, what-ifing, awfulizing....etc. it breaks my heart that i didn't know better when i was raising them.
i pray they will find a better way.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
Yeah, I forgot to look at the plus side!! That's true about serenity, well, at least I'm closer to it than I was 10 years ago, 5 years ago, heck even six months ago!
Jeri, I think your kids are probably seeing you in a whole new light...how you turned your life around, fought damn hard for and achieved all of the wonderful things that you have. You have now shown them, by example, how it's done!
Everyone goes through struggles and has things they wish they had handled differently at different points in their lives. But, it's how you get back up on your feet that really counts! Now go buy some pretty new shoes for those feet of yours!!! ;-)
Jeri, I think your kids are probably seeing you in a whole new light...how you turned your life around, fought damn hard for and achieved all of the wonderful things that you have. You have now shown them, by example, how it's done!
Everyone goes through struggles and has things they wish they had handled differently at different points in their lives. But, it's how you get back up on your feet that really counts! Now go buy some pretty new shoes for those feet of yours!!! ;-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
eilizabeth.....i forgot about cleaning out the car. i had a fairly new car but it was a shambles on the inside. just like my house, my brain, my purse, you name it.
along the line, i spent a whole day detailing and cleaning out my car. i cleaned the carpets, used q-tips on the dashboard vents and made it sparkly new.
yes, it made me feel real good, too.
i had let so many things go. just cleaning and organizing my physical space gave me tremendous relief and happiness.
just the little things. what a difference it made.
along the line, i spent a whole day detailing and cleaning out my car. i cleaned the carpets, used q-tips on the dashboard vents and made it sparkly new.
yes, it made me feel real good, too.
i had let so many things go. just cleaning and organizing my physical space gave me tremendous relief and happiness.
just the little things. what a difference it made.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 178
Last night I went to the first class I've taken in years. It's an introductory college credit course offered free to me through work and expensive if I had to pay it myself. It's been so long for me and I'm nervous about how I'll do but I love it! I want to take more classes after this one.
Not only do I love learning, but right now this is the kind of self improvement I really need. Hopefully leading to a better paying job someday and financial independance!
And I also love bubble baths and clean cars!! LOL my car interior is a disaster right now and I think that's going to be my priority project for this weekend.
Not only do I love learning, but right now this is the kind of self improvement I really need. Hopefully leading to a better paying job someday and financial independance!
And I also love bubble baths and clean cars!! LOL my car interior is a disaster right now and I think that's going to be my priority project for this weekend.
up and out
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 185
Pedicures.....
When I was minding my own feet, at least they were nice to look at.
Chocolate....
and I didn't feel bad about it.
Allowing myself to feel emotions.....
after I learned that feelings are not facts and that emotions are temporary I gave myself permission to feel the uncomfortable ones.
Therapy.....
I never felt I deserved to spend money on a therapist. I was afraid of what a therapist would uncover.
Al-Anon.....
Explained to my son (in his early teens) why I needed to go to these meetings and why it was so important I keep going back. Allowing myself to be exposed to my only child hoping he would understand. He is such an angel in my recovery.
Keeping a Journal.....
again, a time issue. allowing something to be all about me. setting aside time for something I have to do....not something I have to for someone else. not feeling guilty for spending the time to write down how I felt....not how someone else felt. (p.s. the things i wrote down a year ago are a PROFOUND tool in my recovery....if you can, I cannot recommend keeping a journal enough to you)
Forgiveness....
forgiving myself for all the messes I had gotten myself in, forgiving my mother (still working on that one), forgiving my father (still working on that one) and asking forgiveness from many people I had hurt in all of my codependency before gaining the "awareness"
One thing I learned about that (a little off-topic but too valuable not to mention) is that once you admit to your shortcomings, people like you MORE. How crazy is that? I was mortified if someone would find out my secret....that I was not perfect. Nothing has given me more freedom and its really the most caring thing i've ever done for myself........going easy on myself for being flawed.....keeping myself in check....but allowing myself to be human.
When I was minding my own feet, at least they were nice to look at.
Chocolate....
and I didn't feel bad about it.
Allowing myself to feel emotions.....
after I learned that feelings are not facts and that emotions are temporary I gave myself permission to feel the uncomfortable ones.
Therapy.....
I never felt I deserved to spend money on a therapist. I was afraid of what a therapist would uncover.
Al-Anon.....
Explained to my son (in his early teens) why I needed to go to these meetings and why it was so important I keep going back. Allowing myself to be exposed to my only child hoping he would understand. He is such an angel in my recovery.
Keeping a Journal.....
again, a time issue. allowing something to be all about me. setting aside time for something I have to do....not something I have to for someone else. not feeling guilty for spending the time to write down how I felt....not how someone else felt. (p.s. the things i wrote down a year ago are a PROFOUND tool in my recovery....if you can, I cannot recommend keeping a journal enough to you)
Forgiveness....
forgiving myself for all the messes I had gotten myself in, forgiving my mother (still working on that one), forgiving my father (still working on that one) and asking forgiveness from many people I had hurt in all of my codependency before gaining the "awareness"
One thing I learned about that (a little off-topic but too valuable not to mention) is that once you admit to your shortcomings, people like you MORE. How crazy is that? I was mortified if someone would find out my secret....that I was not perfect. Nothing has given me more freedom and its really the most caring thing i've ever done for myself........going easy on myself for being flawed.....keeping myself in check....but allowing myself to be human.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Maryland
Posts: 223
Originally Posted by woobie
HMBLD,
when I read your post I laughed so hard! I thought I was the only one who took a bath with my dogs in the bathroom! They love it! they stand on the side of tub and lick the soap off the side of tub and lick my shoulders as I unwind.
when I read your post I laughed so hard! I thought I was the only one who took a bath with my dogs in the bathroom! They love it! they stand on the side of tub and lick the soap off the side of tub and lick my shoulders as I unwind.
I love my tub time with the muts. Actually I love anytime with my dogs. I also have a mini petting zoo. Two rabbits, two guinea pigs, and two pot bellied pigs. My name should be Noah. lol
Another thing that works well to de-stress and go in to zen mode is picking crabs. Sounds really strange, but it works for me. If I'm in a funk, I can go grab a dozen steamed blue crabs, sit outside on the deck and pick away.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Maryland
Posts: 223
Originally Posted by embraced2000
i just keep thinking of things......
it was a process, but i learned to keep my pie hole shut when others were having conflict. i used to always think i knew how to make peace between people, but it was really just gossiping and stirring the pot.
to take care of myself, i learned to chose my battles, and not get involved in others affairs.
like i said.....it didn't come naturally and i stumbled alot.....but eventually i learned that the only things that concerned me was the immediate space around my body.
i can't tell you how much that improved my life.
it was a process, but i learned to keep my pie hole shut when others were having conflict. i used to always think i knew how to make peace between people, but it was really just gossiping and stirring the pot.
to take care of myself, i learned to chose my battles, and not get involved in others affairs.
like i said.....it didn't come naturally and i stumbled alot.....but eventually i learned that the only things that concerned me was the immediate space around my body.
i can't tell you how much that improved my life.
That is soooo me! I was always the one that people would come to for advice, and how they should fix this, or deal with that. I don't involve myself in any of that anymore. Feels so much better to not be consumed with everyone else's problems.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
Posts: 741
Originally Posted by embraced2000
i had let so many things go. just cleaning and organizing my physical space gave me tremendous relief and happiness.
This is interesting because I took the opposite actions. Now I can let a few little things go and don't have to have everything in its perfect place. I'm relaxing a little more.
Last edited by DesertEyes; 09-19-2007 at 06:24 PM. Reason: fixed broken quote
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
I am only in the early stages of recovery and it is honestly a fight to take care of myself each day - the disease paired with my low-self esteem often leaves me needy and dependent on someone who can't possibly give me what I need. I feel less than for wanting it and internalize it as rejected and abandon.
Learning to view the situation in a different way is taking care of myself- it requires me to view myself in a different way.
Taking care of myself is also being kind and gentle with myself. I am often very frustrated in my recovery. My abusive self-talk has become so hardwired that I have to make a concious effort to give myself extra support during times when I am feeling uneasy and unstable. I have been carrying a load of toxic shame around on my back for most of my life. Taking care of myself is releasing that and "acting as if" I love myself - even if I can't GENUINELY feel it yet.
Taking care of myself is also putting FIRST Things FIRST. I am SO apt to abandon what I want, think, feel need- my priorities, responsibilities, goals, dreams, commtiments- all in order to obsess/worry/try to change. It is often an absolute HORRIFIC struggle to move my physical body to do things that are MY things to do and not be so tangled up in someone elses.
This is an incredible thread.
Learning to view the situation in a different way is taking care of myself- it requires me to view myself in a different way.
Taking care of myself is also being kind and gentle with myself. I am often very frustrated in my recovery. My abusive self-talk has become so hardwired that I have to make a concious effort to give myself extra support during times when I am feeling uneasy and unstable. I have been carrying a load of toxic shame around on my back for most of my life. Taking care of myself is releasing that and "acting as if" I love myself - even if I can't GENUINELY feel it yet.
Taking care of myself is also putting FIRST Things FIRST. I am SO apt to abandon what I want, think, feel need- my priorities, responsibilities, goals, dreams, commtiments- all in order to obsess/worry/try to change. It is often an absolute HORRIFIC struggle to move my physical body to do things that are MY things to do and not be so tangled up in someone elses.
This is an incredible thread.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Good thread Embraced.
I stay away from people who are negative in my life.
I take better care of myself financially now, I'm in the process of getting my mortgage paid off. I think takng care of myself financially was a BIG change in my life. Before I was always too busy supporting some bum.
I don't have boyfriends live with me anymore (been 11 years) and I don't live with them.
Ngaire
I stay away from people who are negative in my life.
I take better care of myself financially now, I'm in the process of getting my mortgage paid off. I think takng care of myself financially was a BIG change in my life. Before I was always too busy supporting some bum.
I don't have boyfriends live with me anymore (been 11 years) and I don't live with them.
Ngaire
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
hkangel.....hon, that was exactly where i was in my beginning, except i had pushed everyone away. same concept of self preservation, just a different form.
one day, i got up real close to the bathroom mirror and stared deeply into my eyes. i couldn't quit staring. i looked at every aspect of my face, but kept coming back to staring at myself in my eyes. i couldn't quit. suddenly, i choked out to my eyes, "i love you, jeri", and then i said it again and again and again. then i cried for bout an hour.
i decided right there and then that i was going to look in the mirror everyday, and tell myself that i loved me. weird as it sounds, it helped me to see me as the little girl i once was, and to take care of that little girl, like she was my own child.
i know how strange that may sound, but it happened. i had to mentally nourish myself from all my past pains that i experienced as a child, and into adulthood.
lots of hugs to you angel
it will get better
jeri
one day, i got up real close to the bathroom mirror and stared deeply into my eyes. i couldn't quit staring. i looked at every aspect of my face, but kept coming back to staring at myself in my eyes. i couldn't quit. suddenly, i choked out to my eyes, "i love you, jeri", and then i said it again and again and again. then i cried for bout an hour.
i decided right there and then that i was going to look in the mirror everyday, and tell myself that i loved me. weird as it sounds, it helped me to see me as the little girl i once was, and to take care of that little girl, like she was my own child.
i know how strange that may sound, but it happened. i had to mentally nourish myself from all my past pains that i experienced as a child, and into adulthood.
lots of hugs to you angel
it will get better
jeri
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
ngaire.....yes, taking care of myself financially was top priority, too.
once my ex left, i had so much more money, since i supported him. i used that money to pay off all my bills. then i started an emergency fund in case of loss of job, etc.
then i went on a huge tv home shopping splurge and bought all kinds of beautiful jewels, put in a fireplace, bought a leather couch, a big screen tv, a ceramic top cook stove, a lap top, cam-corder, all kind of electronics. then i went on a vacation....just me and my rudy-dog. i couldn't believe how much money i had left over after he left.
after awhile, buying things weren't so much fun anymore, and i turned more focus on my inner self by digging in.......didn't really want to go there because it was so painful.....but after that walk through hell of facing some things, the brightness on the other side was nearly blinding. and the comfort was mine for the taking.
once my ex left, i had so much more money, since i supported him. i used that money to pay off all my bills. then i started an emergency fund in case of loss of job, etc.
then i went on a huge tv home shopping splurge and bought all kinds of beautiful jewels, put in a fireplace, bought a leather couch, a big screen tv, a ceramic top cook stove, a lap top, cam-corder, all kind of electronics. then i went on a vacation....just me and my rudy-dog. i couldn't believe how much money i had left over after he left.
after awhile, buying things weren't so much fun anymore, and i turned more focus on my inner self by digging in.......didn't really want to go there because it was so painful.....but after that walk through hell of facing some things, the brightness on the other side was nearly blinding. and the comfort was mine for the taking.
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