lillian

i made an apt. today to get a pap smear and get checked for stds-- and asked a potential new boyfriend to do the same-- all this BEFORE we sleep possibly together. i never did this before-- when my husband cheated on me, i didn't ask him to get tested before i slept with him again (why did i sleep with him again? that's another part of not taking care myself...). i will organize my books, papers, and GET MY DIVORCE FINALIZED finally! it takes awhile to learn to do these things that others take for granted, but it seems like at some point it just, well, gets easier. i am finding it very new and exciting. oh, and i signed up for yoga classes and actually GO to them... can't recommend it enough. i can't say my body is transformed, but my brain sure feels better-- and it's made me feel better in my body, even if it isn't the body of a twenty year old volley ball player.

LaTeeDa

The yoga classes sound great! I'm taking a creative writing class at the local community college. Last winter, I took a ballroom dance class. Whatever makes you feel alive. And it gives me an hour or two a week that just for ME! It feels soooooo gooooood.

L

embraced2000

i took my kitchen table and chairs and the area rug out on the carport, and bought exercise equipment....3 units....and put in my kitchen. i made a really neat room out of the carport with windchimes, hummingfird feeders, grill, and a kitchen island, plants........it looks very unusual but very good.


and i caught a couple of crickets and turned them loose in my apt. i love to listen to their serenade every night. it soothes me into a real sweet sleep.

aztchr

Embraced,

I'll send you the cricket in my classroom when we find it. The kids had a quiz today and it drove them nuts listening to it. To each their own...

mamaplus2kids

This is such an amazing thread. During the first six months of separation from my AH, I had a lot of energy. I cleaned up the house, finding and throwing out empty alcohol bottles that had been hidden away. It was such an amazing feeling to know that I was in charge of my life and that he was no longer holding me back. I contacted old friends, attended Al Anon, had pedicures and facials, had a pap smear and check up, had my teeth cleaned, kept my car clean and neat, had my leg hair waxed (regardless of the pain, I love not having to shave all the time); I took my dog to weekly dog training classes; worked out with a trainer once a week; and I tried to walk at least 2-3 times per week. I ate healthily and lost weight. I enjoyed time with the children; setting limits and sticking to them made my life easier and gave them a sense of security. I was really happy.

Then, I fell in love. I asked him to get an AIDS test before I would sleep with him, something I've never asked a boyfriend to do before. He did it. It's been just over a year now. I'm not as energetic as I was a year ago. I've gained a few pounds, my house and car are not as perfectly neat as they once were, but nowhere close to the condition they were in when my AH lived here. I told my boyfriend that I will not live with him as long as he smokes pot. He has accepted that.

At first I had said that he could only spend the night on weekends, but I went back on this because I felt I needed this man to spend the night with me. I live in an old house in the middle of nowhere. My husband has been acting like a stalker. He has started to threaten me and I am afraid. I'm ordering an alarm system and telling all my neighbors. It is clear that my husband is jealous of my new life and is upset he can no longer control me.

The fear is paralyzing at times. I spend a lot of time (perhaps too much time) on this site. Sometimes, I worry that I am becoming too obsessive with this topic. I am not finding the energy that I once had.

embraced2000

azzie....just send that cricket on to me....i'll take it!!!!! lol

mama....obession with this site is a good thing for me....i hit it in spurts now, but when i first joined, i had the site up on my laptop all day long, even when i was working. it soothed me. such a huge comfort to know there was a world full of people out there that shared the same thing i was going through, and all i had to do was glance accross the room for a "fix of comfort".....it made me feel safe.

sometimes, i just hit the couch and grin stupidly.....so comfortable the silence is....so comfortable the feeling of knowing i never have to hear those unkind words or suffer from those unkind acts again.

i'm just so damn content, it is unbelievable. everything comes full circle, i reckon....cause now i feel like i have angels flying right outts my arse!!!!

that is what i screamed at my al-anon meeting one night in the beginning......their happiness just turned my stomach......i couldn't begin to imagine "enjoying the sunset" or "smelling the fresh rain"....all those things they were talking about regarding taking care of yourself, ya know?

now, i have an angel loaded butt!!!! lol

there is a monthly magazine published by al-anon called the forum. i have saved all of them, and placed them in the rooms one of the lodging facility i manage, along with all the normal touristy information flyers.

it is amazing how many people take the magazines, which makes me happy. i pray that at least one person grabs hold and follows through.