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Just venting...bad day.

Old 07-24-2007, 10:18 AM
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Just venting...bad day.

I have posted on another forum in the past but never here, though I read everyday!
My husband in the past has been addicted to cocaine and alcohol. Though he has stopped the drug use he has replaced that with the alcohol. I say addiction is addiction. We have talked millions of times about his behavior when he is drinking and he has agreed that it does have a negative impact. It causes him to act like a total jerk to me and now others have commented to him about his behavior! FINALLY someone else has said something without worrying about hurting HIS feelings. Well to say the least he was ticked off at the time, but the next day called all and apologized for his behavior. I was shocked that he took responsibilty like that. He then went on to tell me he knows he needs to get on the ball and get serious this time. Well by weeks end he was drinking again. I try not to say too much, trying to detach, but I did ask him why he was drinking again. He said its not that he cant drink one or two, and that he likes to drink. He said it is unreasonable to expect that he will never drink again. WTF! He sat there Monday and said just that, but by weeks end was justifying his drinking again. I just dont get it. Most of our friends in this town are HUGE drinkers. I am not. I barely ever drink. I feel he has alienated those friends of ours who can control their drinking and always gravitates back to those friends who are also out of control. I have stopped going with him to visit them and have stopped attending functions where I know it will be a total drunk fest. But then of course I am called "Mary Poppins" - LOL. Thats ok, I have been called worse :-)
I feel bad to disconnect from our friends but I dont know what else to do. I feel like I am so alone in this little town we live in - like some alien because I am not a drunk.
I also dont know what to do about hubby of 14 years. He wants to drink and I dont want him to. I dont think we will ever agree...one is too many and 100 is never enough for him.
Just having a bad day...thanks for listening.
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Old 07-24-2007, 10:32 AM
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(((kacee)))

BUFFALO - Al-Anon Info Serv of Western NY (716-856-2520)
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Old 07-24-2007, 10:44 AM
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I understand and I'm sorry. I've heard the same things and I too have been called Mary Poppins. I'd rather be Mary Poppins than an Ogre.

Jenny
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Old 07-24-2007, 10:51 AM
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Originally Posted by Kacee View Post
I say addiction is addiction.
I second that.

The cool thing is that YOU get to decide what's reasonable to YOU. Then you set boundaries and stick by them.

As far as owning up and taking responsibility, my ex's vocabulary is stuck on 2 words, "I'm sorry." He's not responsible and owning his crap. If he did, he'd leave me alone and recover all on his own.

To me, owning your pile of poo means more than a quick fessing up with a quick "I'm sorry" to top it off - it involves a lot of time and a lot of hard work...I'm sure you've read posts by the recovering A's who post here
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Old 07-24-2007, 11:14 AM
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(((Kacee))) Welcome to our side of the wonderful SR... Sorry to hear that you are going through this but you have choices just like he has made his choice to drink.

We all have choices and as cage stated do what is reasonable for YOU and set some boundaries and stick to them!

Mine too seniero awhile back: "I'm Sorry" "My behavor was unacceptable" "I know I keep doing things I should not do" [insert my stupid grinning face here]and still mind you not fully sticking to his soberity! Oh wait that is right he is in AA and had "only one drink" a month ago. And I'm wonder woman!

Owning your own responsibility is DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT! ACTION shall we say! Words in my book no longer mean much-unless they are followed with action behind them. And as cage said alot of hard work and time is involved in actually working through "owning responsibility" of ones actions such as addiction of any kind. Heck it is hard work for any recovery! Codies too

Check out that Al-Anon meeting Denny posted above it maybe worth your trip! Could never hurt! (you will not be alone in the meeting)

((((Kacee))))
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Old 07-24-2007, 11:18 AM
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Welcome to this forum and although it's nice to know that you have been reading here for some time now, I'm very glad that you decided to post for yourself.
After attending Alanon plus tons of open NA and AA meetings, I began to realize (sadly) that I am not not alone. There are more people than I could imagine who were just like me and understood my situation perfectly. There are actually more of 'us' because for every alcoholic/addict the numbers of people affected are high.
Once I saw and met the many new friends who are in recovery it helped me know that 1. there was hope for my loved one and 2. there is hope for _me_ to find recovery as well, regardless of what my loved ones chose to do.
When I got serious...or I should rather say- when I became so desparate that I couldn't stand it any longer- I attended 5-7 meetings a week. I began to see the light, have some hope and everything began to change for ME.
I hope you will keep posting and sharing.
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Old 07-24-2007, 11:23 AM
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let it grow!
 
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vent away, kacee. blessings, k
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