Welcome to this forum and although it's nice to know that you have been reading here for some time now, I'm very glad that you decided to post for yourself.
After attending Alanon plus tons of open NA and AA meetings, I began to realize (sadly) that I am not not alone. There are more people than I could imagine who were just like me and understood my situation perfectly. There are actually more of 'us' because for every alcoholic/addict the numbers of people affected are high.
Once I saw and met the many new friends who are in recovery it helped me know that 1. there was hope for my loved one and 2. there is hope for _me_ to find recovery as well, regardless of what my loved ones chose to do.
When I got serious...or I should rather say- when I became so desparate that I couldn't stand it any longer- I attended 5-7 meetings a week. I began to see the light, have some hope and everything began to change for ME.
I hope you will keep posting and sharing.