hbb

I just need to get the feelings that i deserve to be happy. The same old question haunts me "what's wrong with me" that they don't want to be with me....that's taken a real tole on my life at the moment. I hear from the world that i'm apparently this wonderful person but wish i actually believed it because of one other person and their struggle....

denny57

They're not the right fit for you. I had to figure out why I chose someone who wasn't right for me.

hbb

I'm starting to think there is no right fit for me. Hard not to, all my friends and family are married with children, it gets real low at times to have gone to my 80,000 wedding or baby shower. And i know that anyone can get married for the sake of getting married but i thought this time was different....it was HIS suggestion and him bringing it up and him looking at a ring. So why wouldn't i be shocked by all of this?

LaTeeDa

Like attracts like. If you are troubled and insecure and have low self-worth, you will attract others with the same problems. (Not saying you have all these problems, just an example)

If you take some time to start focusing on yourself and truly discovering how to love yourself and make your own life better, then you will attract people into your life who also have those qualities.

Someone on this board once posted a suggestion to make a list of all the qualities you want in a partner. Then take the list and work on developing those qualities in yourself. Become the person you want to be with and you will attact that kind of person into your life. Great advice. It works!

L

hbb

Bingo! My bf is the same as me, puts others first, never thinks of himself, lets others walk on him. And i guess how can one support the other if they are both that way. And maybe that's what he meant by finding him self and trying to like himself. My friend told me that her and her bf at the time were the same type of person and looking back how it couldn't work because they were both emotional and weak when it came to others.

Cynay

You know.... I would start looking at the parallels in yourself in the relationships....

Did you give too much of yourself away in the last one? Did you feel "not good enough" then?

If the same thing keeps happening the only common in them is you, so maybe the change has to come from inside. Learn to not give too much away, work on self esteem etc... before you get into another relationship.

I would also suggest that you stop trying to climb into his head and made excuses for him. You are doing your damest to keep him on that pedastool.... The fact of the matter is ... he is not giving you answers, he wants a break, and he is detaching ... when he said he missed you it was in response to your statement, it was not an independent thought of his own... and he is signing cards with "regards".... In finding excuses for him you are enforcing that it must be you....

hbb

I'm for right now slightly coming back to earth! It's out of my hands, if it's meant to be it's meant to be and we will both get better in the process. I think i went into panic mode that i couldn't do anything or help. I was reading into EVERY LITTLE MINUTE DETAIL as many of you are aware....it's out of my hands now so i'm taking a deep breath and heading to my bowling league lol!!!! Stand by because tomorrow is a whole new ballgame i'm sure!!!!

ARealLady

"what purpose does AA serve anymore"

It doesn't matter if you and your BF aren't going to be together anymore, hbb, because I think Al-Anon will help you discover who you are. As you learn more about yourself you will start setting standards for yourself. You will stop second guessing other people's actions and stop trying to wriggle into their brains. You will cease to have expectations of people. People will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. During your growing process you will learn to recognize the RED FLAG warnings of any relationship (I think there's a sticky on here about red flags)

Know this, hbb...you are a good person. I am glad to read you have lots going on in your life over the next few days. Please let us know how the AA meeting goes.

Hugs!

ARL

hbb

Thanks ARL ... it's so nice to come to a place where everyone cares so much even if i am insane. I was at bowling tonight having a good (as good as it gets these days) time and 1/2 way through i let him into my head and screwed up the rest of my strings. He's really not a bad guy, just confused which makes me way more confused. I am looking forward to Al Anon on Thursday night, they immediately know me now and have me speak...gosh i never thought i would do that. Of course i cry but other than AA where can you go where everyone is in the same boat! Thanks again everyone, i'm exhausted by now, brain won't quit!!

splendra

Hope to hear from you soon((((hbb))))

hbb

Oh hi splendra, i have a new one out there "how to get a grip", things aren't going so well in my brain these days i think the ladies are getting mad at me.....

dollydo

No one is mad at you, everyone is just trying to help you get your head screwed on right.....it's what we codies do best...Loh!