Avoidance...help!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
He also said he thought he would have heard from me by now....WHY......he made it clear he wanted a break......
I will repeat again:
He doesn't know if he is coming or going. What he said a month ago may have been while he was in his Pink Cloud yet. He is CONFUSED. He is STRUGGLING.
His ASSURANCES can NOT help you.
YOU ARE DRIVING YOURSELF CRAZY.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
One of the wisest things I have learned from my therapist is that it is not about trusting him, it's about trusting me. If I trust myself to do what is right for me, then it really doesn't matter what anyone else does. I will be fine.
All of your posts are about him. What about you?
L
All of your posts are about him. What about you?
L
Guess what, I'm not crazy.
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 286
What if.......
You need to let him go if that is what he wants. You sound like you are so worked up that you want to controle the situation, his feelings, the outcome, but you can't so let it go. This is about him, not you. You need to live for you and let him figure out what he needs.
Here is something I got from codependent no more, a bood I am reading. I changed it a tiny bit to be easier for me to use when I am in panic mode but the facts are the same.
Detaching From People/Problems that are not yours
Action:
Write about the person/problem to get it out of your system.
Focus on your self, what are you thinking and feeling.
How do you feel about detaching from this person/problem?
What might happen if you did?
Will that probably happen anyway?
Has staying “attached”-worrying, obsessing, trying to control helped so far?
If you did not have this person/problem in your life:
What would you be doing with your life that is different from what you are doing now?
How would you be feeling and behaving?
Visualize your self living your life, feeling and behaving that way in spite of your unsolved problem.
Visualize your self placing this person/problem you are concerned about in to Gods hands.
Visualize God lovingly and willingly accepting that person/problem into his hands
Visualize Gods hands holding yours.
All is well for the moment. All is as it should be and as it needs to be. All will be well-better than you think.
You might also want to use the serenity prayer (it helps me)
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Hang in there.
D
Here is something I got from codependent no more, a bood I am reading. I changed it a tiny bit to be easier for me to use when I am in panic mode but the facts are the same.
Detaching From People/Problems that are not yours
Action:
Write about the person/problem to get it out of your system.
Focus on your self, what are you thinking and feeling.
How do you feel about detaching from this person/problem?
What might happen if you did?
Will that probably happen anyway?
Has staying “attached”-worrying, obsessing, trying to control helped so far?
If you did not have this person/problem in your life:
What would you be doing with your life that is different from what you are doing now?
How would you be feeling and behaving?
Visualize your self living your life, feeling and behaving that way in spite of your unsolved problem.
Visualize your self placing this person/problem you are concerned about in to Gods hands.
Visualize God lovingly and willingly accepting that person/problem into his hands
Visualize Gods hands holding yours.
All is well for the moment. All is as it should be and as it needs to be. All will be well-better than you think.
You might also want to use the serenity prayer (it helps me)
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Hang in there.
D
Live, Laugh, Love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
I have read that book, with my first relationship. This just seemed to be different to me, we were both on cloud 9 from day one. So in a months time everything has all of a sudden come crashing down is very sad to me. We talked marriage, kids, moving in together, all the good stuff. HE even asked me to elope 2 months after we started dated (granted it may have been a quick fix). So that's why i feel the way i do and everyone kinda thinks i'm controlling and crazy and it's that i believed what HE was telling me and making me feel.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Those may have been his words at one time hbb, but his actions NOW are saying, leave me alone.
Why do you torture yourself?
Seems very painful a situation to be in from where I sit.
Why do you torture yourself?
Seems very painful a situation to be in from where I sit.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Booneyville USA
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by hbb 
I have read that book, with my first relationship. This just seemed to be different to me, we were both on cloud 9 from day one. So in a months time everything has all of a sudden come crashing down is very sad to me. We talked marriage, kids, moving in together, all the good stuff. HE even asked me to elope 2 months after we started dated (granted it may have been a quick fix). So that's why i feel the way i do and everyone kinda thinks i'm controlling and crazy and it's that i believed what HE was telling me and making me feel.
Live, Laugh, Love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
The loan was me offering so we could have a better future together, we were together 6 months before that was an option, i am older and it's one of those things where i knew what i wanted in someone and so did he, so i thought, it was a long long thinking process, i talked with my parents first and it was a risk and i took that risk, i'm not saying he's going to default, he's not a jerk like that but could have been a little more respectable for the support i've given him. Trust me, i would be gone if it wasn't for this link by now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by dobiediva
DANGER DANGER DANGER!! From what I've read from your postings (and I may be wrong here) but it sounds to me like the "TYPICAL Alkie finding a fabulous codie to grab onto" story. Read through everybody else's posts. It is VERY COMMON to hear stories just like yours (and mine!)--we fall hard. We fall fast. Then we just FALL APART and they suddenly aren't there to pick up the pieces! Its time to stop taking this personally and just take it for what it is. Unlike myself (this is the first really sick relationship I've had and hopefully the last!) you sound like you have a history of doing this in a relationship and I can tell you it WILL CONTINUE UNTIL YOU HELP YOURSELF. Being clingy and assuming and obsessive will DRIVE MEN AWAY. You need to get help hbb. We're trying to help you but you are beyond our reach. Its NOT just about this ONE GUY. Its about YOU and how to react to relationships with others. If you don't want to go through the pain you are going through then DO something about it! Or it will happen with the next one too! ((((((hbb))))))
totally agree, here.
hbb, your relationship has been short, and that's an incredibly good thing at this stage. but i would wonder why you were talking about marriage after 2 months, while most people wait years! some people on this forum were married for decades to an alcoholic, so consider yourself lucky that it has only been 9 months! that time frame seems so short to me, i could probably tell you exactly what i was doing 9 months ago to this day. i would count your blessings and leave him alone. if he wants to contact you, and if he wants you back, he'll do what it takes. he knows where to find you, if he wants to. you can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do... period.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Alanon meetings would probably help. It sounds as if there are some trust issues going on here. So if so is this the person you want to have a relationship with?
Earthworm
Earthworm
Originally Posted by hbb
Hi, i'm back writing again, i text with my bf who wanted a break, today is his 6 months sober, he still insists he wants a break and will not see me when i mention even once in a while. He still claims he loves me and wants to clear his head, i've flat out asked him if there was someone else and he says no, not very strong no but says no. Should i be worried about him meeting someone at AA? I don't want to be that person that follows him or checks up on him but my gut tells me that's why he's pushing me away and what if we do talk and he wants things to work out, should i be worried that it didn't work out with someone else, is there someone else? I asked him in a text "is there someone else, is that why he's avoiding me" and he sent back a ? mark and i said it again.....did he meet someone? He said we already talked about this and so I wrote "so no?" and he wrote back "right". Should i take his word?
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
hbb, can I tell you a story? It's my story, actually. This is not easy for me to write, and you will see why.
I started dating my ex in Sept 01. We were work colleagues but didn't know each other that well. We shared an office with 4 others, but even then, I didn't pay much attention to him beyond the usual office banter. For most of the time prior, I was in a relationship with someone else (for 10 years) and he was married. I had been single for 6 months when we started dating and his wife had left him (with nothing) a month previously, although that was not the impression he gave me at first.
Well, it was a whirlwind. He became a different person after that first, tentative "date". In actual fact, we had a game of squash, so it wasn't particularly conventional, although I can see now how we were both sizing each other up. He was attentive, caring, generous, thoughtful - couldn't do enough for me and paid me the attention that I had been craving for since the death throes of my previous relationship and the time I had spent single. After our first night together (I made him wait ........ for all of 3 dates!), we didn't spend a night apart despite having seperate homes, his rented, mine I still owned with my ex. We were talking marriage and babies and a whole future together within a matter of weeks - something I had never had before with anyone, despite being with my ex for 10 years. He gave me what I craved - a future that didn't mean I was alone. I thought I had died and gone to heaven.
He was always one to ask me lots of questions, to find out what I liked, disliked, what I wanted out of a relaltionship and a partner. I thought he was interested simply because he wanted to get to know me for me. What he actually wanted was to get to know me for his own purposes. I gave to him on a plate the template to which he then moulded himself. He became my perfect man. Still, I thought I had some control over the situation, although I can see now that I was naive in the extreme. For example, I wasn't comfortable about everyone at work knowing we were together, so I insisted that we take seperate cars to work. I thought I was being smart, when in fact I was showing him that I was prepared to keep secrets.
After a couple of months, I took him home to meet my folks. Apparently, after we left, my Mum said to my Dad that this was the guy I would marry. We fitted like a hand in a glove and they could see that he was providing what my ex had not. On the way back from that trip, we stopped for petrol (gas) and his cash card was declined, so I paid with mine. That was the start of a very costly pattern. I had shown him that I was willing to pick up his financial slack. And that I did. I'd like to think that it was some time before I started to bear a larger burden as far as his finances were concerned, but I would be fooling myself. I can remember distinctly where I was when I was sorting out some court ordered payments for him, and that would mean that we were only 6 months into the relationship. I was showing him that I would happily pick up his responsibilities.
In 2003 we got engaged. He proposed whilst we were having sex. It all went downhill from the next day when we bought the ring. I still believe that he tought he "had" me then. He changed overnight and that's when the real trouble started. I Still stuck it out for 18 very long months, which shows how sick I was.
I could write for hours about this, and perhaps I need to, although I won't bore you all with the minutae and I'll keep it for my journal. I won't go into the middle part, because it is not much different to any other story here about living with an active alcoholic. One thing I will touch on, though, is what happened when I left. We ran a business together from home and I was moving back to my home town, so needed to sort out some of the IT stuff for my move. He was on holiday in Jamaica (which he begged me to go on right up until the day before he went, even though I had left him 3 months prior). Whilst I was transferring some data, I noticed that he had forwarded some info to a ***** account that I didn't know he had. It really wasn't any of my business, but I had a hunch that he was not on holiday alone, so I hacked into this email account and found hundreds of emails back and forth with women he met on a dating site that he joined 6 weeks after we split up and whilst he was harassing me on an hourly basis to get back with him. When I read those emails, it was like looking back in time to 2001. They were almost word for word those that he had written to me, or words he had said to me. Whilst I am not proud of my actions that day (ironically the day before I left our shared house to move 200 miles away), the knowledge that he was using the same hooks to snare his next woman was the key to me being able to move on. I have since had contact with the woman he was on in Jamaica with (yes, my gut was right) and their entire relationship was exactly like ours.
My ties with R are not yet severed. I subbed him far in excess of $50,000 and ended up taking him to court over $40,000 of it. He is now ordered to repay that in instalments from next January. Until 2015. Whilst he was waiting for the paperwork, he emailed me asking me to lend him $5,000. A leopard doesn't change his spots. When I think about it, I cannot conceive ever asking anyone else to take out a loan in their name to pay my bills. I have borrowed cash before, but I have always paid it back as soon as I got some money and before I discharged any other debts. R behaved entirely opposite.
What I am trying to say is that I too thought everything was perfect. But that's what he wanted me to think. In fact, he needed me to think that way so that I would do what he wanted me to do - enable him, financially and otherwise. If I had cause to find SR after 9 months, I would be posting exactly like you are. I know that is likely that you will say "but he isn't like that". I said the same when R's ex tried to warn me off, and just like the woman after me said when I did the same. Perhaps he is not, but it might be wise to consider that all is not as it seems.
Having written all of that, I am going to give the same advice as I, and others, have given to you time and time again. Get thee to al-anon and counselling and forget about what he is doing. You have a responsibility to live you own life, yet it seems like you need a bit of help to be able to do that. I hope you can find the same tools that have helped me. I have just read Denny's reply - I can only echo it. About 6 months ago, I started reading on some forums for people who have been involved with Narcissists and Psychpaths. Whilst SR has been my home, I know I could have been just as, if not more, at home over there. I would encourage anyone posting on this board to do the same - I think you might find some good info over there.
Good luck, hbb. I learnt a long time ago not to expect that any of my posts will have any immediate effect, if indeed they do at all, so I won't be offended when you tell me that your situation is not the same. I just thank you for the opportunity of sharing part of my story.
I started dating my ex in Sept 01. We were work colleagues but didn't know each other that well. We shared an office with 4 others, but even then, I didn't pay much attention to him beyond the usual office banter. For most of the time prior, I was in a relationship with someone else (for 10 years) and he was married. I had been single for 6 months when we started dating and his wife had left him (with nothing) a month previously, although that was not the impression he gave me at first.
Well, it was a whirlwind. He became a different person after that first, tentative "date". In actual fact, we had a game of squash, so it wasn't particularly conventional, although I can see now how we were both sizing each other up. He was attentive, caring, generous, thoughtful - couldn't do enough for me and paid me the attention that I had been craving for since the death throes of my previous relationship and the time I had spent single. After our first night together (I made him wait ........ for all of 3 dates!), we didn't spend a night apart despite having seperate homes, his rented, mine I still owned with my ex. We were talking marriage and babies and a whole future together within a matter of weeks - something I had never had before with anyone, despite being with my ex for 10 years. He gave me what I craved - a future that didn't mean I was alone. I thought I had died and gone to heaven.
He was always one to ask me lots of questions, to find out what I liked, disliked, what I wanted out of a relaltionship and a partner. I thought he was interested simply because he wanted to get to know me for me. What he actually wanted was to get to know me for his own purposes. I gave to him on a plate the template to which he then moulded himself. He became my perfect man. Still, I thought I had some control over the situation, although I can see now that I was naive in the extreme. For example, I wasn't comfortable about everyone at work knowing we were together, so I insisted that we take seperate cars to work. I thought I was being smart, when in fact I was showing him that I was prepared to keep secrets.
After a couple of months, I took him home to meet my folks. Apparently, after we left, my Mum said to my Dad that this was the guy I would marry. We fitted like a hand in a glove and they could see that he was providing what my ex had not. On the way back from that trip, we stopped for petrol (gas) and his cash card was declined, so I paid with mine. That was the start of a very costly pattern. I had shown him that I was willing to pick up his financial slack. And that I did. I'd like to think that it was some time before I started to bear a larger burden as far as his finances were concerned, but I would be fooling myself. I can remember distinctly where I was when I was sorting out some court ordered payments for him, and that would mean that we were only 6 months into the relationship. I was showing him that I would happily pick up his responsibilities.
In 2003 we got engaged. He proposed whilst we were having sex. It all went downhill from the next day when we bought the ring. I still believe that he tought he "had" me then. He changed overnight and that's when the real trouble started. I Still stuck it out for 18 very long months, which shows how sick I was.
I could write for hours about this, and perhaps I need to, although I won't bore you all with the minutae and I'll keep it for my journal. I won't go into the middle part, because it is not much different to any other story here about living with an active alcoholic. One thing I will touch on, though, is what happened when I left. We ran a business together from home and I was moving back to my home town, so needed to sort out some of the IT stuff for my move. He was on holiday in Jamaica (which he begged me to go on right up until the day before he went, even though I had left him 3 months prior). Whilst I was transferring some data, I noticed that he had forwarded some info to a ***** account that I didn't know he had. It really wasn't any of my business, but I had a hunch that he was not on holiday alone, so I hacked into this email account and found hundreds of emails back and forth with women he met on a dating site that he joined 6 weeks after we split up and whilst he was harassing me on an hourly basis to get back with him. When I read those emails, it was like looking back in time to 2001. They were almost word for word those that he had written to me, or words he had said to me. Whilst I am not proud of my actions that day (ironically the day before I left our shared house to move 200 miles away), the knowledge that he was using the same hooks to snare his next woman was the key to me being able to move on. I have since had contact with the woman he was on in Jamaica with (yes, my gut was right) and their entire relationship was exactly like ours.
My ties with R are not yet severed. I subbed him far in excess of $50,000 and ended up taking him to court over $40,000 of it. He is now ordered to repay that in instalments from next January. Until 2015. Whilst he was waiting for the paperwork, he emailed me asking me to lend him $5,000. A leopard doesn't change his spots. When I think about it, I cannot conceive ever asking anyone else to take out a loan in their name to pay my bills. I have borrowed cash before, but I have always paid it back as soon as I got some money and before I discharged any other debts. R behaved entirely opposite.
What I am trying to say is that I too thought everything was perfect. But that's what he wanted me to think. In fact, he needed me to think that way so that I would do what he wanted me to do - enable him, financially and otherwise. If I had cause to find SR after 9 months, I would be posting exactly like you are. I know that is likely that you will say "but he isn't like that". I said the same when R's ex tried to warn me off, and just like the woman after me said when I did the same. Perhaps he is not, but it might be wise to consider that all is not as it seems.
Having written all of that, I am going to give the same advice as I, and others, have given to you time and time again. Get thee to al-anon and counselling and forget about what he is doing. You have a responsibility to live you own life, yet it seems like you need a bit of help to be able to do that. I hope you can find the same tools that have helped me. I have just read Denny's reply - I can only echo it. About 6 months ago, I started reading on some forums for people who have been involved with Narcissists and Psychpaths. Whilst SR has been my home, I know I could have been just as, if not more, at home over there. I would encourage anyone posting on this board to do the same - I think you might find some good info over there.
Good luck, hbb. I learnt a long time ago not to expect that any of my posts will have any immediate effect, if indeed they do at all, so I won't be offended when you tell me that your situation is not the same. I just thank you for the opportunity of sharing part of my story.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
wow, minnie.
my relationship was like that too in the beginning. we moved in together very quickly, and we had only each other... i thought it was all we needed. we talked about the future, and to me it was okay because we were BOTH talking about it, not just me.
my ex has moved onto someone else and apparently it's the same thing all over again. moving in together just months after we broke up, and even while we were still spending time together as friends, and completely ignoring me because someone else has taken my place in the relationship!
i'm glad to know this didn't just happen to me... it's actually more common than i ever thought it was. i thought the lies i was fed were because i was insecure and needy (which, i admit, i'm constantly working on), but it's also because my ex knew how to manipulate in order to find someone to satisfy her needs. i've blamed it on myself all this time, and now i can see how it wasn't all my fault.
oh yeah, she owes me $8000, too. interesting...
my relationship was like that too in the beginning. we moved in together very quickly, and we had only each other... i thought it was all we needed. we talked about the future, and to me it was okay because we were BOTH talking about it, not just me.
my ex has moved onto someone else and apparently it's the same thing all over again. moving in together just months after we broke up, and even while we were still spending time together as friends, and completely ignoring me because someone else has taken my place in the relationship!
i'm glad to know this didn't just happen to me... it's actually more common than i ever thought it was. i thought the lies i was fed were because i was insecure and needy (which, i admit, i'm constantly working on), but it's also because my ex knew how to manipulate in order to find someone to satisfy her needs. i've blamed it on myself all this time, and now i can see how it wasn't all my fault.
oh yeah, she owes me $8000, too. interesting...
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
You know what? He's doing it all over again right now. It cut me to the core to see that I was nothing more than a bit-part actor in his life. After some time (and lots of therapy!), it is actually quite liberating.
These threads might help
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hlight=special
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hlight=special
These threads might help
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hlight=special
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hlight=special
Live, Laugh, Love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
Minnie, WOW thank you soooo much for sharing your story with me/us. And i can relate, i was on cloud 9, he was too at that point. It all sound so familiar, we got into a "routine" until he put a halt to it. I can't be sure that there is someone else because i'm not the type to go looking and i do have his email info and refuse to do it for my on conscience. I guess my saving grace right now is that he signed a promisary note that he will pay every month till it's paid....THANK GOD i did that.
I read all these different threads and more often than not they don't change, like you said about a leopard not changing it's spots. I don't want to go accusing him of cheating or someone else but the avoidance i find is very very odd, unless like i said he is drinking and its the guilt because i've been his life support with quitting and he's never gone 6 months before and i did hear he's back at bars with people that are not strong for him.
I am in this to get repaid but you know what, like you say it's better 9 months with no babies or house or other worse debt that i know he will do the right thing because he comes from a good family and i am close to his mother and father.
I am going to Al Anon INSTEAD of his 6 month meeting of receiving his chip like i was initially going to do. I'm now doing for me and don't want any contact unless he doesn't pay that loan. My parents are absolutely crushed and devastated for me and my situation, my mom cries when i talk to her. God, coming from such a well grounded family how could i not see it. I guess i look beyond the problems and don't compare every family to mine and took the individual in him and thought everyone isn't perfect but i guess i'm the one in the end that is anything but perfect. I went to my mothers last night stating what an idiot i am for falling for this type of person and why was i so dumb.
Thank you so much and you know, you never know what may happen, he could be genuine with his words, he hasn't lied to me yet that i know of or have even questioned. But not sure with this pulling back and distancing if i could ever believe that nothing happened in this time apart.
thank you sooo much for sharing,
hbb
I read all these different threads and more often than not they don't change, like you said about a leopard not changing it's spots. I don't want to go accusing him of cheating or someone else but the avoidance i find is very very odd, unless like i said he is drinking and its the guilt because i've been his life support with quitting and he's never gone 6 months before and i did hear he's back at bars with people that are not strong for him.
I am in this to get repaid but you know what, like you say it's better 9 months with no babies or house or other worse debt that i know he will do the right thing because he comes from a good family and i am close to his mother and father.
I am going to Al Anon INSTEAD of his 6 month meeting of receiving his chip like i was initially going to do. I'm now doing for me and don't want any contact unless he doesn't pay that loan. My parents are absolutely crushed and devastated for me and my situation, my mom cries when i talk to her. God, coming from such a well grounded family how could i not see it. I guess i look beyond the problems and don't compare every family to mine and took the individual in him and thought everyone isn't perfect but i guess i'm the one in the end that is anything but perfect. I went to my mothers last night stating what an idiot i am for falling for this type of person and why was i so dumb.
Thank you so much and you know, you never know what may happen, he could be genuine with his words, he hasn't lied to me yet that i know of or have even questioned. But not sure with this pulling back and distancing if i could ever believe that nothing happened in this time apart.
thank you sooo much for sharing,
hbb
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Back at bars? 'nuff said.
Does it really matter if he's seeing someone else if he doesn't want to see you? Eitger way, you are going to have to deal with being on your own. Shock!!! Does that concept scare you?
Anyway, what about you? I know nothing about you. Share with us who you are, what you like doing, what you dreams are etc.
(How old are you, btw? And how old is he? Just to give me a frame of reference)
Does it really matter if he's seeing someone else if he doesn't want to see you? Eitger way, you are going to have to deal with being on your own. Shock!!! Does that concept scare you?
Anyway, what about you? I know nothing about you. Share with us who you are, what you like doing, what you dreams are etc.
(How old are you, btw? And how old is he? Just to give me a frame of reference)
Live, Laugh, Love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
Hi Minnie, well where to begin, i'm 33 this week, he's 34...we actually went to high school 14 years ago and i remember the football playing, handsome guy he was then 
. Anyways back to me, i have a GREAT group of friends that support me to death along with you guys..thank God!! I live with my roommate and brother. I LOVE the beach so thats good living in Mass. i can do that now. I'm on a bowling league, i go to the gym 4-5 times a week, not lately though 
i cried in step class, that was enough for that week!! I love walking and listening to music and playing cards and so on.....i do have stuff to do it's just that i'm so used to caring and loving someone else i've lost that desire at the moment. I'm going to Al Anon right now for the first session. I'll be back on at 9!! Minnie, thank the Lord for you and so many others on here
. Anyways back to me, i have a GREAT group of friends that support me to death along with you guys..thank God!! I live with my roommate and brother. I LOVE the beach so thats good living in Mass. i can do that now. I'm on a bowling league, i go to the gym 4-5 times a week, not lately though 
i cried in step class, that was enough for that week!! I love walking and listening to music and playing cards and so on.....i do have stuff to do it's just that i'm so used to caring and loving someone else i've lost that desire at the moment. I'm going to Al Anon right now for the first session. I'll be back on at 9!! Minnie, thank the Lord for you and so many others on here
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