Looking Back
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ca
Posts: 69
There were some times when he would be sober and in a sound sleep that all I would do was barely nudge him and still asleep he would look at me with this affectionate look and say, "Hi sweetheart! I love you so much!" Then hug me and go back into his deep sleep. I would nudge him every so often just to get that because it felt so good and so real. I miss those sober nights.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
Posts: 741
Reading these posts continue to reinforce I made the right decision to leave.
It is so comforting when I read similar experiences that I've been through and similar thoughts I've had while with my ex. I'm not going to try to look back too much. A new life awaits...
Now, when I do move from my parents to my own place and start unpacking, I'm sure that will trigger some more memories, but I know I have to go through that process to get to what's best to come.
It is so comforting when I read similar experiences that I've been through and similar thoughts I've had while with my ex. I'm not going to try to look back too much. A new life awaits...
Now, when I do move from my parents to my own place and start unpacking, I'm sure that will trigger some more memories, but I know I have to go through that process to get to what's best to come.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Hanging In There
Posts: 87
It's Got To Be The Beer That Does It
Originally Posted by losinghim 
He does fart a lot!!! Even in his sleep!! He slept in the bed the other night, after going out for dinner and some drinks with the guys from work, and he kept farting all night. Even the cat didn't sleep in the bed that night.
T. always had that problem too - I think it's something to do with the beer, makes for bad gas!!
A few years ago, T was lying on the floor drinking a beer and watching TV, the cat was curled up by the fire. Well he must have let loose a silent one and suddenly the cat jumped up and walked over to him, sniffed T's hind end and then immediately started trying to cover it up like he was in the litterbox.
Thanks for sharing your posts I got a great laugh from your stories.
BTW embraced, I love the remote thing, that was the best while T was in treatment, TV, remote and sofa were all mine and I didn't have to share or go to another room.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: brownsville, pa
Posts: 16
i videotaped mine to show him how loud and obnoxious his snoring is, that open gaping mouth. He wouldn't watch much of it. But at least i proved I wasn't exaggerating. How bout the stench of alcohol that fills the room from them snoring all night? don't miss that...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Poplar Grove, IL
Posts: 72
One of my worst nightmares was when I was pregnant with my kids. What if I went into labor in the middle of the night? My AH slept like a log, too. Nothing could wake him up.
And, I understand about the snoring thing , too. My kids joke now that dad could be heard down the street.
And, I understand about the snoring thing , too. My kids joke now that dad could be heard down the street.
up and out
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 185
Literally LMAO @ the fart discussion here.....especially dayxday's cat doing the litterbox move on T.'s rear end.....LMAO!!!!
he would drunkenly ramble about such boring crap and expect me to ooh and aah over his deep philsophical revelations.
Honestly, i'm almost embarassed to admit I sat through three-hour long lectures and introspective 'world changing' rants. At first I was naive enough to think that he might just have a good point.....then as the magic faded, I realized it was drunkspeak and it became yet another miserable thing I tolerated. At times I wondered if alcohol was acting as a 'truth syrum' revealing the things he couldn't tell me when he was sober. All too quickly I found out that there really isn't much truth in anything an alcoholic says.
he would drunkenly ramble about such boring crap and expect me to ooh and aah over his deep philsophical revelations.
Honestly, i'm almost embarassed to admit I sat through three-hour long lectures and introspective 'world changing' rants. At first I was naive enough to think that he might just have a good point.....then as the magic faded, I realized it was drunkspeak and it became yet another miserable thing I tolerated. At times I wondered if alcohol was acting as a 'truth syrum' revealing the things he couldn't tell me when he was sober. All too quickly I found out that there really isn't much truth in anything an alcoholic says.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ca
Posts: 69
It's still amazing how we all seem to be married to the same people!! I haven't seen the cat try to cover up the fart yet, but that's tooo hilarious!! I remember the nights when he would be slobbering and slurring and try to convince me that he hadn't had a drop he was just tired.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
My ex-abf has been gone for 6 months or so. Last week I was cleaning my closet, and I find four empties and two full bottles of beer. Hidden under my clothes on the rack...guess I need to re-organize my closet more often.
I have found empties and full bottles all over the inside and outside of the house....he probably has some buried in the yard. Nothing would surprise me.
And, I sure don't miss the "sweet" smells....
Dolly
I have found empties and full bottles all over the inside and outside of the house....he probably has some buried in the yard. Nothing would surprise me.
And, I sure don't miss the "sweet" smells....
Dolly
up and out
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 185
Great topic and very well timed (for me). I needed to be reminded of this ridiculous behaviour my exabf displayed.
He was rock solid that he did not want his parents to know he was drinking for fear they would end their relationship with him after all he put them through. But....when he went on a bender, he would get the drunken dialies and call them slurring. Even a small child would have known he was drunk. Next day while in the hangover period I reminded him of aaalllll the stupid things he did when he was drunk (i took sick joy in doing that) and would tell him that he called his parents. He would ask me if he sounded drunk when he talked to them. DUH!!!
He was rock solid that he did not want his parents to know he was drinking for fear they would end their relationship with him after all he put them through. But....when he went on a bender, he would get the drunken dialies and call them slurring. Even a small child would have known he was drunk. Next day while in the hangover period I reminded him of aaalllll the stupid things he did when he was drunk (i took sick joy in doing that) and would tell him that he called his parents. He would ask me if he sounded drunk when he talked to them. DUH!!!
Becoming a Butterfly
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
Every major event I can think of, there's some alcoholic memory hanging around too. For example on 9/11 (we live close to NYC) I was at work and the internet was down - we didn't know what was going on and everyone was scared in general and some were freaking out because they had family who worked in the Financial District.
I called home thinking he might be there sleeping it off instead of at work where he was supposed to be. Sure enough he was. He turned on the TV and gave me news to relay to the others. But there it was - I knew there was a good chance he was home and I was right. I had automatically figured out when he had started drinking (late) and that he'd have to call in sick.
Actually he was sick and so was I.
I called home thinking he might be there sleeping it off instead of at work where he was supposed to be. Sure enough he was. He turned on the TV and gave me news to relay to the others. But there it was - I knew there was a good chance he was home and I was right. I had automatically figured out when he had started drinking (late) and that he'd have to call in sick.
Actually he was sick and so was I.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: brownsville, pa
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by losinghim
I remember the nights when he would be slobbering and slurring and try to convince me that he hadn't had a drop he was just tired.
ahhh, remember that too. and mine was so "tired" he had to sleep until 1 or 2 in the afternoon on the weekends because he had worked so hard all week. had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he was out drinking until 2-4 a.m. the night before. such hard working, unappreciated tired guys..
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Every now and then, some topic will come up that ends up with me sharing a story (or a few) in regards to the life that XAH and I used to have. I always am amazed as I am talking and telling of different events that I actually stayed and put up with all of that crap. Why did I stay? I'm sure it's a number of reasons - some logic and some not.
Even looking back over just the last few years from the time that we seperated to now - I still wonder why the heck I even tried, why I stressed so much, why I allowed myself to be sucked in and hurt again, etc. But really, there is no sense in my trying to figure it out. What matters to me now is that I don't do that anymore and hope to never be that way with anyone again.
It's amazing though sometimes as we look back how surreal it seems. As though that wasn't our life! And in that, I find a sense of peace as it's not my life now!
Even looking back over just the last few years from the time that we seperated to now - I still wonder why the heck I even tried, why I stressed so much, why I allowed myself to be sucked in and hurt again, etc. But really, there is no sense in my trying to figure it out. What matters to me now is that I don't do that anymore and hope to never be that way with anyone again.
It's amazing though sometimes as we look back how surreal it seems. As though that wasn't our life! And in that, I find a sense of peace as it's not my life now!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Hanging In There
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by losinghim
I just tried to do laundry and found a pint of vodka stuffed in the dirty laundry.
He would switch to ice beer when he was real stressed and if he ran out of beer he would drink anything else in the house that was here. Once he started drinking hard liquor he would get real drunk real fast.
If we had a bbq and had mixed drinks here for guests or received a bottle as a gift it was kept in the cabinet for a long time. Then when his drinking got bad, it was ME that started hiding the bottles. I had them stashed everywhere. I didn't want to pour them out because I don't drink beer and thought it was fine to have around in case I wanted to have a drink. Needless to say I have long since located them all and poured them down the drain.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 105
Ahhh, yes, the incredible craziness we've all endured. Amazing!
I would hurry home from work almost in a panick, to ensure my A hadn't caught the house on fire. When the driveway was in clear view and I could see my home still standing and his truck parked in the drive (crooked, mind you) - I would feel relieved and peeved at the same time. This sinking sick feeling would come over me, and 'home' was the LAST place I wanted to be. I knew what I was in for - utter chaos and craziness.
I'd spent countless days of my life searching for the 'evidence' that he was drinking (as if his distorted face, foul odor of alcohol he emitted, disheveled appearance, illogical speech and thought processes wasn't evidence enough that he was all jacked up!). He would deny, deny, deny his drinking and I had an obsessive need to prove I wasn't crazy. Like a kid on an Easter egg hunt (only without the glee), I would find this bottle and that one, one after the other, hidden here and there and everywhere.
While preparing for his return from rehab, I went about detoxing our home and property. I'd been concerned about the sway in the garage ceiling for a long, long time....complaining that the ceiling was going to cave in any minute due to what appeared to be shoddy construction work. I climbed up the attic stairs in the garage to once and for all see what in the world needed to be done to fix the problem. I saw the neck of a whiskey bottle exposed near the opening. I retrieved it to add to my already full collection of bottles. I heard a clinking sound. Another bottle? Yes, and I pulled it out...clink, clink, clink...More, I thought? Why, yes....many, many, many more! There was my explanation for the severe bow in the ceiling after all those years: The weight of his hiding place!!!!
He wasn't a snorer so much, but his nightsweats were so profuse that I would wash the sheets several times a week! It was disgusting!!!!
None of the aforementioned even begins to scratch the surface of what life's been like living in this insanity.
What had happened to me, I would often wonder. Why would I move the line in the sand a little further every time, accepting the unacceptable more and more, day in and day out? I got so caught up in survival mode that even though I knew it wasn't a "normal" life, it somehow became MY life. I was so focused on HIM, trying fruitlessly to break thru his denial, that I could no longer distinguish what was good for me from what was killing me anymore.
Now, I too, prefer to be alone. When I lived apart from him, I cherished my own space and time to myself. And sad to say, I think the decades of living in that insanity has done irrepairable damage and I couldn't possibly lead a 'normal' life with someone, ever.
~GodHelpMe
I would hurry home from work almost in a panick, to ensure my A hadn't caught the house on fire. When the driveway was in clear view and I could see my home still standing and his truck parked in the drive (crooked, mind you) - I would feel relieved and peeved at the same time. This sinking sick feeling would come over me, and 'home' was the LAST place I wanted to be. I knew what I was in for - utter chaos and craziness.
I'd spent countless days of my life searching for the 'evidence' that he was drinking (as if his distorted face, foul odor of alcohol he emitted, disheveled appearance, illogical speech and thought processes wasn't evidence enough that he was all jacked up!). He would deny, deny, deny his drinking and I had an obsessive need to prove I wasn't crazy. Like a kid on an Easter egg hunt (only without the glee), I would find this bottle and that one, one after the other, hidden here and there and everywhere.
While preparing for his return from rehab, I went about detoxing our home and property. I'd been concerned about the sway in the garage ceiling for a long, long time....complaining that the ceiling was going to cave in any minute due to what appeared to be shoddy construction work. I climbed up the attic stairs in the garage to once and for all see what in the world needed to be done to fix the problem. I saw the neck of a whiskey bottle exposed near the opening. I retrieved it to add to my already full collection of bottles. I heard a clinking sound. Another bottle? Yes, and I pulled it out...clink, clink, clink...More, I thought? Why, yes....many, many, many more! There was my explanation for the severe bow in the ceiling after all those years: The weight of his hiding place!!!!
He wasn't a snorer so much, but his nightsweats were so profuse that I would wash the sheets several times a week! It was disgusting!!!!
None of the aforementioned even begins to scratch the surface of what life's been like living in this insanity.
What had happened to me, I would often wonder. Why would I move the line in the sand a little further every time, accepting the unacceptable more and more, day in and day out? I got so caught up in survival mode that even though I knew it wasn't a "normal" life, it somehow became MY life. I was so focused on HIM, trying fruitlessly to break thru his denial, that I could no longer distinguish what was good for me from what was killing me anymore.
Now, I too, prefer to be alone. When I lived apart from him, I cherished my own space and time to myself. And sad to say, I think the decades of living in that insanity has done irrepairable damage and I couldn't possibly lead a 'normal' life with someone, ever.
~GodHelpMe
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