secretchord

In a few weeks I’ll be one year sober. I’m looking for advice on relapse prevention. I’m noticing more and more lately I’ve been thinking about drinking. I’m even back to having drinking dreams. I’ve been a year sober and relapsed in the past so I want to be honest with myself this time. Any advice for me?

Mizz

Congrats on your sober time! You are doing spectacular.

What tools have you been using to remain sober?

Dee74

congrats on your year

here are some of my favourite threads about relapse and relapse prevention

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ollection.html (Relapse Prevention Tool Box (Collection))
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...s-relapse.html (Phases of Relapse)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/309062-mistaken-beliefs-about-relapse.html (Mistaken Beliefs about Relapse)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/435298-relaspe-ladder.html

relapse is by no means inevitable, It doesn't have to be a part of your recovery story.
If you can see it coming, you can definitely stop it.

D

GerandTwine

Consider making a personal pledge “I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind.” You CAN succeed at this perfectly for the rest of your life. I always thought dreams, thoughts and feelings about drinking some more were normal, but completely inconsequential because I have absolute control over all my voluntary muscles. There is a natural process of diminishing intensity of the old desire to satisfy that past appetite - especially if you do not keep dredging up the way it used to be over and over.

Sober45

I'm almost a year and half sober. A relapse begins with thoughts of drinking as i'm sure you are aware. I would immediately go back in time and reaffirm my reasons for quitting because people like us forget easily. If you quit for so long I'm assuming you had some pretty strong reasons..what were they? After a year, it becomes easy to say I'm ok now, I can handle it. If you're having thoughts like that, refocus. I've never seen a successful relapse, I don't think it exists.

Maybe find something completely different to do? (I'm exploring that myself)

watch out for boredom. It's a normal emotion that is supposed to spur us to expand. I think many alcoholics like me have conditioned themselves to respond to boredom with drink.

Congrats on your sober time!!

ScottFromWI

Glad you came back to ask for advice Secretchord and congrats on a year sober. Drinking (or not) is always a choice, so when you refer to "preventing a relapse" - what you should really focus on is what things you are doing that allow you to make the right choices in regards to alcohol. Have you been following a plan of some kind and recently fallen off or not focused on it as much? Maybe you need to change things up? I know that for me it was very important to recognize that addiction is not something that is ever "cured", so we can't just assume that we can go back to living life without acknowledging that.

DriGuy

Thinking about it as you are is a red flag. It's an indication that you need to take a hard look at yourself. It may not be about self understanding, however. Remember that to stay sober and progress in recovery, you must not drink. This is a matter of choice, not of self understanding. Remember how you made that choice a year ago? What you did then still applies.

But that does not rule out self understanding. Has there been a recent change in your commitment? Are you having second thoughts? Have your reasons to stay sober changed? If not, just don't drink, and you will be fine. If you don't want to drink, just don't do it.

Anna

Secretchord, it's good that you are aware of your feelings at the moment and that you are being proactive. Maybe you can take a close look at what you are doing daily/weekly to remain sober and see if you can add something to your plan. Focus on what's working for you and take note of the things that are working well for you. I hope you continue to post here for support.

novips

My sobriety is rooted in A.A., so my relapse prevention checklist includes the following.

1. Prayer & meditation: Am I getting on my knees in the morning and asking God to keep me sober? Am I getting on my knees in the evening and thanking Him for keeping me sober? Do I meditate?

2. Meetings: Am I attending A.A. meetings regularly? (My goal is 4 meetings per week.) Do I have a home group? Do I have a service position?

3. Service: Do I have any sponsees in Steps 1-3? If not, what am I doing to get some? (Remember, attraction is our public relations policy -- not a recipe for working with others. Our founders made clear that we are to actively seek out newcomers to work with.)

4. Stepwork: Since I have completed Steps 1-9, am I following the instructions for Steps 10-12 set forth on pages 84-89 of the Big Book? Is it time to have a new experience with Steps 1-9? (Compare the 12x12 at p. 89, which references "annual or semiannual housecleanings".) Do I have a sponsor? Do I use my sponsor?

Hope that helps.

secretchord

I'm going to read through these now. Thank you!

secretchord

I think I need to come to terms with the latter part of what you stated. I feel like at this point in time I shouldn't be having these thoughts and urges. But this is going to be a lifelong struggle that sometimes I will need to take one literal day at a time. Forever an addict is a tough pill to swallow.

I never really had a "plan" other than to come here for support and to quit drinking. I'm not an AA person, so this forum, prayer and (previously) medication, have been my main sources of help.

I'm not exactly sure what's been bringing on the more frequent thoughts. Could be that my father has cancer, my job has been super stressful lately, my sober anniversary coming up, the warmer weather. Or maybe just a combination of everything.

I appreciate everyone's responses and support. For me, sometimes it just helps to have other like people listen to how I'm feeling, you know?. I plan to read through some of the links provided.

least

My best sobriety tool is practicing gratitude every day. It keeps my attitude positive and keeps me aware of what I would lose if I drank again. It also makes me happier. Here's a good article about the benefits of practicing gratitude.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

ciowa

Congratulations on the year of recovery. Thats a big step. It also sounds like you are taking some good steps by both recognizing thoughts of relapse and possible reasons for it. Its also good you're not dismissing the magnitude of drinking again. Some people who relapse think it won't be a big deal but you seem to recognize it would in fact have some unwanted consequences. Im lucky to not have had relapse urges (i decided when I quit that it was going to be a permanent thing) but I sometimes think of what are the circumstances that might cause me to think of alcohol as a salvation for me. Grief, fear, excitement? And I focus on alcohol because many times those who relapse will treat alcohol like it was secondary in the situation, such as "I just wanted to have a cold drink with my steak" or "a tasty drink while at the concert" Why not order something without alcohol in that case? So, its specifically alcohol I focus on. And I try to be proactive in those areas I think I might need to focus on in my life. Have more fun outings, talk with family more, those kind of things.

As for the drinking dreams, I have those quite regularly as in once or twice a month. Here's one theory I have for why I have them. In my dreams Im often experiencing surreal and incoherent situations. My mind then tries to makes sense of this state by looking for situations to compare this with and the one that it retrieves are the memories in which I was drinking. Its like when I would wake up in the morning after a blackout and I would have to sort out if my memory was from the night before, the dreams or some alcohol delusions. Dream mind-Why is this car driving backwards with a singing dog at the wheel, I dunno, I must be drunk. At least thats my theory.

Scd619x

There is a cool story in the AA Big Book that you can take one of two ways. To summarise, a guy who thought he was an alcoholic decided to stop drinking in his 30s, he promised himself that he would not drink again until he retired. He made a great career for himself and retired as planned with good finances. He began drinking and was dead within a few years. When i first heard that story decades ago i saw it as the disease being patient and getting him in the end. BUT after many years of being around this issue and meeting many people that have decided they were alcoholics i see the story differently. This guy hung onto a reason for quitting drinking for as long as he could until he could not hold on any longer (even though he had planned it) as if he were holding his breath for as long as he could. You can't hold your breath forever, if that is what you are trying to do.

BUT you can stay sober by learning new ways of living, most of which we already know even though we think we don't or can't. It's a personal journey of change which takes dedication and really has very little indeed to do with drinking. I love my AA sponsor deeply but he can't ever drink as he would lose everything that is him, AA is his family and his friends, it's not like losing a wife which you can replace. He has had a spiritual awakening and the promises have come true but really i know he is bitter and deeply unhappy but he will die before he drinks again as he is getting on in years so not too much further to go. You don't sound like you will be able to last the next 30 years like he as so i would advise getting onto your own personal quest asap. IF, and i say this from experience, you really want to stop drinking forever?

Dee74

I hope some of it helped

D

uncle holmes

You’re already doing something about relapse prevention by recognizing some warning signs! By not denying it and coming here and being honest about thinking about drinking and worried about relapsing is better than denying it and trying to do it alone!

I used to be a chronic, relapse prone alcoholic for a decade before I finally beat alcoholism and now have 29 years of sobriety! I learned about relapse prevention planning in my last rehab center 29 years ago! I applied those principles and combined it with AA and the 12 steps and that was my successful vaccine that finally worked and protected me from picking up a drink again!

Prior to that it was strictly going in and out of AA! When I applied the principles from the book, “Staying Sober: A guide to relapse prevention planning by Terrence Gorski”, and combined that with AA meetings and the 12 steps, that was like my moderna and pfizer vaccine that finally put alcoholism to rest! You can order both books “staying sober”and “Alcoholics Anonymous” at Amazon if you don’t have them!