Thinking about it as you are is a red flag. It's an indication that you need to take a hard look at yourself. It may not be about self understanding, however. Remember that to stay sober and progress in recovery, you must not drink. This is a matter of choice, not of self understanding. Remember how you made that choice a year ago? What you did then still applies.
But that does not rule out self understanding. Has there been a recent change in your commitment? Are you having second thoughts? Have your reasons to stay sober changed? If not, just don't drink, and you will be fine. If you don't want to drink, just don't do it.