Jewel72

as my new day one; I think I’m hopeless. I have been drinking very heavily over the last
9 months. More heavily than I ever thought I would. Beginning to experience shakiness and sweating when I try to go a day without wine. I’ve gained 30 lbs, stopped all physical exercise (I used to love running), and just can’t crawl out of this hole.

But...I’m never giving up. Tomorrow is a new day and I am determined to be a success story. I have been quite discouraged by the lack of people on here lately. It makes me wonder what in the world has happened to all of us because of this isolation. It breaks my heart.

I am also very encouraged by the faithful ones who keep posting in the newcomers section and sharing their successes during this very trying time. Thank you. I am hoping and praying that I can turn my life back around.

thanks for reading. Maybe this can be my new accountability thread. Love and peace
to all of you. This is so hard

RenewalOfLife

I’m new to sobriety and it is hard, I agree. You sound determined though, and I hope you feel a great sense of pride when you get through day 1, day 2, and beyond. Time to plan your work so you can work your plan! We are all cheering for you!

BeABetterMan

Hey Jewel, sounds like me. That feeling that I may never ever figure it out. That I may be stuck in this endless cycle, but also vowing to never stop trying to quit. That determination, while not keeping me 100% sober, has led to many times more days sober than drunk over the past year. I am figuring it out after countless, and I mean infinite, attempts before. One day you will sick enough. Someday the thought of continuing drinking will be more painful than the thought of making a drastic change to your life.

Dee74

Make a plan Jewel. Think about the things that bring you undone and plot your way around those things.
I believe you can do this

D

Erica375

Jewel, have you tried Zoom AA meetings? I do not follow the AA program but I find seeing people's faces and listening to their stories comforting. Sometimes I leave my video off so no one can see me rolling my eyes; sometimes I hear something that really helps me.

biminiblue

Jewel, sorry to read you went back down that rabbit hole.

It's soooo much better with some continuous sober Time. Give it a shot, I promise you'll never regret it.

Keep posting, every day, multiple times a day. I would suggest joining in to several ongoing threads. This site is only as busy as you make it.

Mizz

You can get sober again. Do not be discouraged by the lack of people. There are plenty of us here doing our sober thing and offering support.

Get up tomorrow and get on your running shoes. Walk/ jog around the block a few times. Start with one small change.
That change will lead to other positive changes. You got this.

Surrendered19

I hope the morning finds you as well as can be Jewel. Be kind to yourself today. Get those running shoes dusted off and laced back up and take a stroll today. It will awaken the part of you that is sleeping right now. That fit, healthy part of you that is still in there. You can do this. I am doing it so, by definition, any person on the planet can.

Jewel72

Thank you all for your replies. I’m going to get through this day with zero alcohol. Plan is to not go anywhere and my husband will hold me accountable. I will go for a long walk this morning during my usual purchasing time, then hope to take a good nap this afternoon. My body is so tired. It’s taken me 9 months to get this unhealthy, so I will be patient and begin the healing journey today.

I have tried AA zoom meetings and I should do that again. I was in a face to face recovery group last year and that was working. But a few weeks after we went online I began drinking again. Anyway, no more excuses there. I’ve got to use whatever is available right now.

Hevyn

Hi Jewel! After a few uncomfortable days, you'll be free. You never have to return to the misery & uncertainty of a drinking life. We know you can do this.
Keep posting & let us know how it's going. Better days are coming.

DriGuy

I second all of this. A few days of craving and you will experience a new freedom. What you do with that is your choice, but when you get to that point, we can help.

Anna

Jewel, you can get through this day and then, continue to move forward.

Jewel72

Felt very shaky this morning and sweating a bit. Stomach upset. I even asked my husband if I could start sobriety on Monday so I didn’t ruin the weekend. Thankfully he refused. How ironic that I’d want to keep ruining myself for the sake of a weekend. Such addict thinking.

Anyway, went fir a 45 minute walk, had a little lunch, now going to nap. I’m going to make it back to day one.

advbike

You can do it Jewel! Funny about the "pleasant weekend delay" haha.

It's just the first few days that are the toughest in terms of physical effects, after that, as you know, it becomes more of a mind game, but you feel a lot better.

I also suggest getting back into a class. That's how I got 3+ years. Join the March class and get tons of support!

Hevyn

I can relate to wanting the delay! Did it over & over again, making things even harder on myself. Absurd thinking, but we justify it somehow.
Proud of you, Jewel.

Jewel72

Thank you all. Really loving the support.

My heart was racing a bit during nap, so not able to sleep much. I went for another 40 minute walk in the beautiful sunshine. Still feeling a bit shaky and sweaty. Able to eat small bits and drinking lots of water. I can’t wait to go lay in my bed and watch a movie or something after the family is settled for the evening. May I never go through this again.

venuscat

I wish I wouId have seen this thread yesterday. s ❤️

With you every second dearest JeweI. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jewel72

Thank you, kind friend.

venuscat

I was thinking about what you said about using aII of your tooIs....or whatever is avaiIabIe right now, I think you said.
So maybe we can text again....it has been an isoIating time for me too, and I wouId Iove that.
We couId make it a new sobriety tooI for both of us. s xx

Dee74

Glad you're doing ok Jewel - if I can give you one piece of advice tho - stop asking your husband for permission to drink. The responsibility is yours not his.

I used to ask my friends for permission to drink - when they said no, I got angry & resentful...if they said yes but later berated me for being drunk, I'd think well you told me to drink...

It was a whole codependent thing I could have done without.

D