Howdy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 15
Howdy
Hello everyone. Posted in Katie's thread, which is strikingly similar to my own recent breaking point/desire to stop drinking. Have been a nearly everyday boozehound for most of my adult life. Hit a low point this past Monday.
Started hittin' it around 7:00 am, drunk by 9:00 am. By 10:00 I was looking in the mirror disgusted with myself and in tears. Called a buddy to come get me and just get me somewhere else. Said out loud to him, "I don't want to do this anymore!". First time I've ever said "want" instead of "need". Went to an in-person AA meeting on Tuesday, where nearly nobody was wearing masks. Wednesday and Thursday I did online meetings. The people are awesome and very supportive, and it was great to say all the things I'm saying now to people with faces and names.
Ultimately, I decided to stop going, due to the spiritual element. It's not a judgement on anyone, I just believe differently. I had to be honest with myself and realize that I wouldn't be able to make it past step 2. I understand that permanent sobriety is an "all in" venture, and at this time there is simply no way I can be all in with that particular program.
I found another, secular-based program that I believe will help me on my recovery journey, along with being here. Very excited to participate in this forum! I'm a long-time drummer and belong to several drum geek forums that are the exact same platform, so this is very familiar to me and easy to navigate.
I'm on day 5 now of being sober. I finally came clean on all the gory details of my alcoholism with my daughter and friends. They knew I drank, but had no idea to what extent, as my alcoholism is mostly private. The hardest part has been the lack of sleep. Since Monday night, I've logged 13 hours total of sleep. But I am determined that my next full night's sleep will be an honest night's sleep, instead of passed out drunk sleep.
Sorry for the novela and I truly look forward to participating further and learning from you all.
Cheers,
Ryan
Started hittin' it around 7:00 am, drunk by 9:00 am. By 10:00 I was looking in the mirror disgusted with myself and in tears. Called a buddy to come get me and just get me somewhere else. Said out loud to him, "I don't want to do this anymore!". First time I've ever said "want" instead of "need". Went to an in-person AA meeting on Tuesday, where nearly nobody was wearing masks. Wednesday and Thursday I did online meetings. The people are awesome and very supportive, and it was great to say all the things I'm saying now to people with faces and names.
Ultimately, I decided to stop going, due to the spiritual element. It's not a judgement on anyone, I just believe differently. I had to be honest with myself and realize that I wouldn't be able to make it past step 2. I understand that permanent sobriety is an "all in" venture, and at this time there is simply no way I can be all in with that particular program.
I found another, secular-based program that I believe will help me on my recovery journey, along with being here. Very excited to participate in this forum! I'm a long-time drummer and belong to several drum geek forums that are the exact same platform, so this is very familiar to me and easy to navigate.
I'm on day 5 now of being sober. I finally came clean on all the gory details of my alcoholism with my daughter and friends. They knew I drank, but had no idea to what extent, as my alcoholism is mostly private. The hardest part has been the lack of sleep. Since Monday night, I've logged 13 hours total of sleep. But I am determined that my next full night's sleep will be an honest night's sleep, instead of passed out drunk sleep.
Sorry for the novela and I truly look forward to participating further and learning from you all.
Cheers,
Ryan
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 421
Welcome aboard!
So happy to hear you’ve made this realization and you are finding a solution that works for you!
SR has been pivotal in my recovery and has helped me achieve the longest periods of sobriety I’ve ever had. I’m glad you are choosing to be active here.
So happy to hear you’ve made this realization and you are finding a solution that works for you!
SR has been pivotal in my recovery and has helped me achieve the longest periods of sobriety I’ve ever had. I’m glad you are choosing to be active here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
welcome Ryan!
I get the concerns over the spiritual nature of AA.
I had those, too.
For whatever it may be worth, I found a lot of value in "powering through" the 'God problem'. It was a really good exercise for me to let go of that resistance and work on just hearing what I could relate to in AA as one of many tools. I tried some secular programs, too.... but I actually found that I gained more growth by working on setting aside my resistance and asking myself what I could learn from the parts that rubbed me wrong.
Anyway - no judgement, just reflection.
I'm glad you're here and on this journey of WANT versus NEED. I know that one well, and in my experience it was the pivotal difference between continuing to struggle and finally being free. Building and maintaining a picture of the person I WANT to be in recovery. Thanks for the reminder. While I'm now living in the early months of my 8th year of sobriety.... I'm also currently on the journey of WANT to be free of another substance - marijuana. I was free of that one, too... but made the casual and ultimately ensnaring decision to just 'have a little pot here and there'. Within a year that became near daily and in the past several months I've struggled to re-make the choice to WANT to be free of it. I'm grateful it didn't lead me back to alcohol, but I've also got to get out from under the weight of addiction with that darn substance now, too... and get BACK to a fully balanced recovery. So.... I'm right here with ya and I'll be rooting for you.
I get the concerns over the spiritual nature of AA.
I had those, too.
For whatever it may be worth, I found a lot of value in "powering through" the 'God problem'. It was a really good exercise for me to let go of that resistance and work on just hearing what I could relate to in AA as one of many tools. I tried some secular programs, too.... but I actually found that I gained more growth by working on setting aside my resistance and asking myself what I could learn from the parts that rubbed me wrong.
Anyway - no judgement, just reflection.
I'm glad you're here and on this journey of WANT versus NEED. I know that one well, and in my experience it was the pivotal difference between continuing to struggle and finally being free. Building and maintaining a picture of the person I WANT to be in recovery. Thanks for the reminder. While I'm now living in the early months of my 8th year of sobriety.... I'm also currently on the journey of WANT to be free of another substance - marijuana. I was free of that one, too... but made the casual and ultimately ensnaring decision to just 'have a little pot here and there'. Within a year that became near daily and in the past several months I've struggled to re-make the choice to WANT to be free of it. I'm grateful it didn't lead me back to alcohol, but I've also got to get out from under the weight of addiction with that darn substance now, too... and get BACK to a fully balanced recovery. So.... I'm right here with ya and I'll be rooting for you.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,978
Welcome to SR Ryan
I've enjoyed the Kern River excursions for decades. Such awesomeness, just breath taking natural beauty on the river.
Feel free to jump right on in here at SR anytime.
The early days of detox can be difficult. Consult a doctor for your sleep problems. Never know if there is an underlying physical problem caused by alcohol.
I'm also secular minded when it comes to addiction recovery. Nothing wrong with that. Here's some secular recovery links at SR. https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...cular-web.html (Secular Web)
All types recover from this deadly alcohol illness regardless of faith or not.
Plenty of kindred spirits here. Meteorically speaking that is...LOL
I've enjoyed the Kern River excursions for decades. Such awesomeness, just breath taking natural beauty on the river.
Feel free to jump right on in here at SR anytime.
The early days of detox can be difficult. Consult a doctor for your sleep problems. Never know if there is an underlying physical problem caused by alcohol.
I'm also secular minded when it comes to addiction recovery. Nothing wrong with that. Here's some secular recovery links at SR. https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...cular-web.html (Secular Web)
All types recover from this deadly alcohol illness regardless of faith or not.
Plenty of kindred spirits here. Meteorically speaking that is...LOL
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,172
Ryan, it's good to have you here, and your introduction meant a lot to me. Try this, try that, try until you find the thing that works. In my experience, it was more like a combination of things. Borrow a little here and a little there, and fashion yourself a plan. I believe that in the beginning of recovery, we are often short on specifics, but we have a general understanding of ourselves and what will work, as well as what won't. You can capitalize on that and use that strength to go forward.
There is more than one way to skin this cat with a lot of variations. Having said that, there are a few common requirements that seem to apply to us all no matter how we do it. Commitment to the goal is high on the list. Accepting abstinence, and eventually actually downright liking it is a big help. One of my surprises after a few months was realizing how much I liked being sober. It can actually be like that, if you can believe it right now.
There's lots more, but no need to overwhelm you for now. You are welcome here. Hang around and pick up more tips and help as you get going. Yes, lots more, but it's good stuff. The hardest part for me were a couple weeks of putting that bottle down until the cravings started to abate. That's when you can start enjoying the next part.
It's good to have you here. I wish you the best.
There is more than one way to skin this cat with a lot of variations. Having said that, there are a few common requirements that seem to apply to us all no matter how we do it. Commitment to the goal is high on the list. Accepting abstinence, and eventually actually downright liking it is a big help. One of my surprises after a few months was realizing how much I liked being sober. It can actually be like that, if you can believe it right now.
There's lots more, but no need to overwhelm you for now. You are welcome here. Hang around and pick up more tips and help as you get going. Yes, lots more, but it's good stuff. The hardest part for me were a couple weeks of putting that bottle down until the cravings started to abate. That's when you can start enjoying the next part.
It's good to have you here. I wish you the best.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,584
Ryan - We're so glad to have you with us. It helps so much to talk things over with like-minded people. No matter our age or where we're from - we share a special kinship. It made getting sober so much easier for me when I knew others understood. Most of my family & friends were social drinkers - no one got why I could never have 'just one'.
Congratulations for this wise & life saving decision! You're going to do it.
Congratulations for this wise & life saving decision! You're going to do it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 15
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome. Already a ton of wisdom to absorb and consider. Can't wait to learn more and hopefully offer the same sort of encouragement to others when I'm ready for that part of the process. Motivated like I've never been before!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Anna 
Welcome, Ryan, I'm glad you're feeling so motivated.
The greatest motivators so far in my brief sober journey have been my declaration to my friend that I don't want to drink anymore, coming clean about the profundity of my alcoholism with my 22 year daughter (who has shown nothing but love and support), finally coming to the great reckoning that I can't do this alone, and then actually acting on it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,584
Welcome, Ryan! Glad you're here. As others have shared, there are a lot of different approaches to getting sober, and you'll find support here for finding the solutions that work for you. You've already taken such a critical step -- choosing sobriety. Well done.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Welcome Ryan, glad you jumped in. This place helped me achieve the best sobriety I have ever had. Nothing else worked. Everyone is so supportive and the collective wisdom is amazing. You're doing great with 5 days already, just keep it up and make yourself at home.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Welcome!
This forum has been an instrumental tool in my recovery
< See what I did there?
There are many roads to the same destination. My recovery consists of a little bit of this and that. Mix in some other stuff. Add in tools along the way. I will be forever grateful for the help I have received from the members here on this forum. I hope you will find it to be same.
Keep posting. reading. participate. Congrats on your sober time! We are here for you.
This forum has been an instrumental tool in my recovery
< See what I did there? There are many roads to the same destination. My recovery consists of a little bit of this and that. Mix in some other stuff. Add in tools along the way. I will be forever grateful for the help I have received from the members here on this forum. I hope you will find it to be same.
Keep posting. reading. participate. Congrats on your sober time! We are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Hope your Sunday is going well Ryan. It sounds like you have some great support in your life. So many people do this thing alone and my heart always goes out to them. Also, you were very courageous to share with those that you are close to. It adds more than one layer of accountability and I think that is a good thing. I don't think you need to go shouting anything from the mountaintops as discrimination against recovering addicts is alive and well, and it is difficult for everyone except other addicts to truly understand what you are going through. But I think telling your daughter and your partners was a great great thing for you to do. Welcome to SR.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Hevyn
How's it going today, Ryan? Thinking of you.
Doing great today. Cleaned the apartment for the first time in months. It was pretty gross. Drunken apathy sure is something, isn’t it? Ugh...
Went down to my drum shed and practiced for a couple of hours. Way OT for this forum, but I recently scored a drum set that belonged to Pete Thomas, longtime drummer for Elvis Costello. Soaking in that unbelievable juju has been crazy cool.
Gonna hang out with my kid later. We’re gonna go to Barnes & Noble and look for books, then go get some egg drop soup from one of the most amazing Chinese restaurants I’ve ever been to, in Bakersfield of all places. Ha!
Hope everyone else is having a great Sunday. I’m actively working on my gratitude game. So much work to do still, but I thank this forum for bringing it up and making me aware of it as I read through various threads. It’s great practical advice that anyone can use immediately, and it costs nothing.
Cheers y’all and thanks again for such an amazing reception. A few days in and I feel like a longtime family member.
R
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 175
Welcome to SR! My only thoughts on your post is how much I would have missed out on if I had turned and left AA due to the spiritual nature of the program. You can check out the chapter to the agnostic in the Big Book of AA and see if that resonates. At a minimum, having a group of people who are dedicated to sobriety in your life (in person) will be of infinite help. I hope you can find those people in whatever setting works best for you! Congrats on this huge leap towards a life of freedom 
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