Gabe1980

DAY 1....

Again. I can't seem to make this stick for more than a few days at a time now and I really, really need to get back to sober life being normal. I don't know why this is different or what is making it so hard, but I HAVE to pull it together and make some progress, or I am going to end up sliding all the way back.

Very confused today but I am going to keep moving forward.

Sober45

Alcohol is a powerful sedative that numbs bad emotions...even if only for a few minutes. When you crave/obsess, the easiest way out is to drink because it does work.

But then there's the consequences because alcohol kills our inhibitions....so we drink more and more. It is what we know and have conditioned ourselves to do.

Going into sobriety is going into the unknown. We have to learn how to live. We have to develop new coping skills. We have to face what was neglected. It's a lot of work with no quick fix (although chocolate comes pretty close!).

I had to accept there would be no more "quick fix" for my emotions.

Today, I don't feel the need for it anymore because I have developed a new normal. With all the reading and posting I've been doing on here, alcohol could be any further from me right now (it's a blessing).

You're going to make it.

Gabe1980

I think that is what scares me the most; I've had enough sober time over the last couple of years that it started to feel normal. Now drinking feels normal and I know what a bad, bad sign that is.

Thankfully nothing has been done that can't be fixed. I just need to renew my commitment and start caring about it again. It has just completely hijacked my brain.

dpac414

You can do this, Gabe. You haven't given up yet.

What's your plan? What are you doing when you have the urge to drink? What isn't working and what can you improve?

These don't have to be/aren't rhetorical questions; I think they're worthwhile to think about. Don't overcomplicate things. We're all here for you and I know you can beat this.

ActionJ

One of the things that stuck most with me back in 1984 was "can't get drunk if you don't take the first drink." I know how corny that sounds but, for some reason, it was about the only advice that worked for me. When I'd think about a drink I'd simply start thinking of something else and not take "the first drink." But my back was also against the proverbial wall.

Gabe1980

I think I just lost any sense of commitment and wanted to drink more than I wanted to be sober....I then blinked and a month has passed.

What worked before was doing my daily check in and really talking about how I was feeling, instead of just paying it lip service....I also think that I have lost all routine to my day/week and that has undermined everything too

I need routine, balance and support. I have stopped doing everything that is good for me and I need to get that back. I am going to put a plan together tomorrow and just work on my attitude and perspective about this.....my thinking is just all wrong just now 😞

Gabe1980

I always thought that was a bit corny too but never a truer thing said! I just need to put everything into not having the first one and not getting to a place where I forget why I stopped.

Gabe1980

Thanks very much guys

Anna

Gabe, your idea of making a plan is a good one. And, so is following a routine. I think we've all lost our normal routines this year, but you can still create a routine that will work for you to help keep you sober. You sound motivated and that's going to be so helpful.

LumenandNyx

Hi,

Have you considered just - standing still? You know - catch your breath - look around - pick up a flower and smell it - check out the sky - maybe scratch your left elbow...

Get your bearings.

Then figure out what direction you want to move in.

THEN take a step forward.

Gabe1980

I have been thinking about routines and what I need to do each day. I think it's quite simple really. Come here, exercise, work and rest. If I can build a routine around that it would be a really good start. Everything just went to hell this time and all the stuff I do to keep myself okay, just didn't matter to me anymore. It matters very much today, so I am going to build on that and give it my full attention.

Gabe1980

I think for the next few days, that is really good advice, thank you. I feel like I have just woken up after someone else has taken over my body and it's really unnerving. I need to re-group and figure out what is missing, that I need to have for this to stick.

Gabe1980

DAY 2.....

I feel like I have just woke up from a demonic possession.....but it was all me.

Feeling back in control today. I have a pot of soup on the stove and I have bought some healthy food. I haven't properly cooked or done anything much in the house for the past couple of weeks. I just need to get things in order now.

I know I have got a problem with emotional regulation and I spin out from time to time. I need to figure out how to manage that better. The last few weeks I have just been hiding from everything.....but in reality its not that hard to deal with, but I seem to treat everything like life is so dangerous. It's only dangerous when I am drinking.

I have no idea how I am going to do this, but I do know that I am not done trying. There has to be a way to keep my head in the right place, because when that goes, I don't have a hope in hell of staying on track.

Gabe1980

Just to add to that....

I think I just took action far to late, in terms of reducing my work hours and coping with the level of stress I was under. By the time I made some of those decisions, I was already feeling quite out of control in my emotional state and in how I was approaching things. Then I ended up with more time and that is deadly if I am not in the position to use it well. It felt like a rock and a hard place. I'm hopeful that whatever was lurking inside me is on the retreat now and I can build my defenses up again.

vkf

'Emotional regulation'.....

I understand that one!! That was one of my major issues. Had a few different therapy sessions where I was told this. "Just start doing a journal everyday." Sometimes more when needed when I get wound up. And I can say without a doubt that helps with emotions that get spooled up. Not sure why, but putting the thoughts on paper seems to calm my brain down a lot. Its worked for over 4 months now, I guess the therapist was right haha.
Its simple and can be done anywhere. Doesn't have to be all bad stuff either. Just whatever I feel and why. Takes about 30 mins for me and generally the writing takes off on its own. Several times when I was on the edge of going back, it helped me figure out why I was all out of sorts. Always thought it was goofy but was willing to do anything.
Good luck!!

Gabe1980

It's a really good idea, thanks. I think there is just this build up of tension that happens, because I am not properly acknowledging how I am feeling and I am not talking about it when I start struggling. I get really tired. It's like carrying a big boulder around. It might help me to sit with some of these feelings, instead of running away from them.

vkf

You nailed it! Its a constant being in the moment deal I think 🤔. I am a hugh believer after all this, that the drinking is a symptom of out of whack instincts/emotions. Great example...my dad is fighting cancer and not doing well. I was all over the place emotionally but sat down and wrote about it. I was able to determine that it is a situation that I got absolutely 0 control over. Yes its sucks big time but all I can do is be there for him when needed. Me being hammered would not do him any good at all. Not to mention I would act like a total ass and feel like crap.

Sober45

Hi Gabe, I hear you about the emotional regulation issue. Both me and my daughter have that along with several other sensitives.

Since I stopped drinking my emotions have levelled out big time. I had to be away from alcohol for several months to see, that outside the quick fix, alcohol was damaging my brain and actually worsening my emotions overall.

Try not to overthink things too much. Maybe focus on making your space as clean, neat and orderly as you possibly can. Doing that gives me a sense of order, calmness and accomplishment.

In all honesty, if I had to give only one tip on quitting, I'd say EAT SUGAR...for me, it was the most effective tool at killing the cravings.

Wishing you a peaceful day

Gabe1980

I'm sorry to hear about you Dad.

I know what you mean though. I ended up doing what I always do. I got really stressed and overwhelmed, then instead of dealing with it like a grown up I just disappeared and hid from it by drinking. I do every time I am not feeling like I can cope anymore. It more just a feeling, than specific things. A feeling that I can't handle anyone needing anything from me, even stupid things like cleaning the house or going out. It all feels like pressure. I am just not good with reality!

I am going to start a journal. Thank you.

Gabe1980

I am all for the sugar as well. It really helps, especially in the first few weeks.

I think the environmental stuff is really important to me too. It symbolises where I am and how committed I am. Everything ends up in a mess when I drink, and I have been doing the bare minimum recently. Getting back on top of the house and back to cooking decent food is always the first place I need to start.

Wishing you a peaceful day too!