Gabe1980

DAY 11....

Feeling pretty good today considering I've been stung twice by wasps! We have a nest in the roof and I didn't want to kill them, but in the end I had to call the pest control guys. I felt bad but they started it! Wasp stings are really sore......

It's sunny, beautiful and it's autumn here. I love this time of year but it comes with all the usual drinking triggers. It's okay though, I think I can just acknowledge it and let it go. I want to drink but I don't. It seems to be this way most days....feeling both things in equal measure. I chose not to because there is very little down side to staying sober, where as there a many down sides to drinking. I know I would just keep going all weekend, until I made myself ill and miserable. What is the point in that?

venuscat

But you don't want the consequences. And I know that for me, in the end, I wanted a me I liked and a me that was healthy.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired....as the saying goes.

I wanted my life WAY MORE than I wanted that drink.
And I held onto that, and slowly, my sober time built.

And re the wasps.....

❤️

Gabe1980

That is exactly it Suze.....I am just sick and tired of dealing with the consequences. I don't even feel that fearful, I have just had enough of the drama and chaos that come with it.

Hope you are well hun. Lots of love xxx

dpac414

Yeah I think urge surfing is also a helpful tool. Acknowledge the craving, dismiss it, and then keep on with your day. It takes practice but gets easier each time you do it.

Also...you're so close to two weeks! And that's half a month

The wasps are unfortunate tho. I never feel bad about killing those ******. They're nasty.

Gabe1980

It definitely does get easier. It's not that the craving are any less, I am just panicking less. The feeling of 'it's a foregone conclusion' that I am going to drink, when I am hit with cravings, is gone. It is what it is....and I can cope.

Yeah, they are little ********! I am less than a fan now....

AlbaSober

Hi Gabe, I was wondering where you are going to meet your sister? A Sunday brunch sounding like food gold!

Mental that if you lived anywhere else in the world a large slice of square/Lorne and tattie scone/haggis won't be an option. Top Top scran.

Mt wife made some cracking cream of vegetable soup today, was teckle.

Surrendered19

Hi Gabe!!! I hope you are well. Damn wasps are combative little devils when cornered. Great job on your 11 days. When you are a thousand days sober those 11 days will be the base of the great pyramid.

fini

“The feeling of 'it's a foregone conclusion' that I am going to drink, when I am hit with cravings, is gone. It is what it is....and I can cope.”

so cool, eh?

MaximusD

Hi Gabe! Glad to see you have a good quit going! Haven't had a chance to go back and read yet but wanted to check in on you. Rooting for you!

decchemist

Last week, whilst out running, a wasp landed on my foot under the tongue of my trainer. It stung me three times before I knew it was there and flicked It out. Took about 6 days to wear off completely. I seem to be getting worsening reactions to stings theses days.

Good to see you are on a sober path, Gabe. Keep adding the days.

Gabe1980

I'm going to take a wee break from here. I really appreciate all the support but I am not managing to get it together at all. It's really demoralising to keep coming back on day 1 and I just need to regroup, get to a better place in my head, an try again.

Thank you all so much

nez

My heart goes out to you Gabe because I have been there. I took many breaks from my recovery group to get myself together before returning...but the flaw in that thinking was that I was taking myself out of the very place I needed to be the most. Don't be like me. Stay and together we can work on it.

Gabe1980

How though? I was doing okay then my husband got steaming drunk and got up yesterday morning and kept drinking. I know I have a choice, but that choice seems to be staying in the bedroom on my own, fighting massive cravings. I just can't do it.

Gabe1980

I feel like such a ******* failure coming back here all the time saying I've been drinking again.....it feels like I am just rejecting all the support here and being totally disrespectful of everyone's effort and time.

nez

You are not a failure. You might encounter set backs on your journey, I certainly did; but you don't fail until you stop trying. People didn't give up on me. I am not giving up on you. Don't give up on yourself. You don't deserve that. You deserve a better life and you have been working on that. You can do it.

Gabe1980

Thank you. I am just trying to keep the faith but it feels a long way away.....

Fusion

I 100% agree with Nez, Gabe. You CAN DO it! Please don't give up. I called my craving my AV. When I was drinking my AV would've LOVED me to walk away from SR; so that it wrestled control back from me...drink, drink and more drink said my craving/AV - YUCK and soul-destroying said me!

Gabe, what does your craving that you speak of really feel like? Can you describe it? Is it separate from the part of Gabe that doesn't want to drink, can you distinguish it from your wish not to drink? Is it perhaps at odds with you?

Gabe1980

I think mainly it tells me that things aren't okay as they are.....it tells me I can't cope. The thing is I can cope. I got offered some work on Friday from my old employer. When I logged onto the system I had several emails from old colleagues telling me how happy they were that they were going to work with me again. I do well when I am sober. This time I know I was lacking in conviction. It feel really tenuous from the beginning. I don't know how to believe the 'evidence' that I am actually a good person.

nez

When I was really struggling, one of the people who had what I wanted, told that the harder I worked for it, the harder it would be to give up. I clung to his wisdom like a mantra and it must be true because I worked too hard to ever give up now. As long as you keep moving forward...the long way away things keep getting closer and closer.

Gabe1980

I am going to keep trying.....I soooo want to believe you are right