Bouncing into the Weekend Sober 21-24 August Weekenders
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,688
Bouncing into the Weekend Sober 21-24 August Weekenders
Bouncing into the weekend Sober.
My many attempts at getting sober always left me going back to drinking, promising myself this will be the last time, for the umpteen this time. I was stuck in the ‘revolving door’ making the same mistakes over.
With the best will in the world I realised for me, I couldn’t do it alone and have a good life in recovery.
I read this passage on SR which makes some sense of how I was doing things.
Beware of the Revolving Door
‘Relapse does happen, and it can happen over and over and over again. You don’t have to live in fear of it, but you do need to understand that something about your recovery program was out of balance. If you go back to exactly what you were doing, it won’t take long to fall back into the same pattern that contributed to your relapse.
I relapsed compulsively for years—went in and out of rehab, ruined most of my relationships and put my body through hell—but I never changed enough to maintain my sobriety. Now, I know that I wasn’t fully committed. I got caught in the revolving door, costing me everything’.
Fortunately I found SR and learnt about recovery, learnt how to live sober. There is life after alcohol.
If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends can be a struggle sometimes. (We’re here all week too!)
My many attempts at getting sober always left me going back to drinking, promising myself this will be the last time, for the umpteen this time. I was stuck in the ‘revolving door’ making the same mistakes over.
With the best will in the world I realised for me, I couldn’t do it alone and have a good life in recovery.
I read this passage on SR which makes some sense of how I was doing things.
Beware of the Revolving Door
‘Relapse does happen, and it can happen over and over and over again. You don’t have to live in fear of it, but you do need to understand that something about your recovery program was out of balance. If you go back to exactly what you were doing, it won’t take long to fall back into the same pattern that contributed to your relapse.
I relapsed compulsively for years—went in and out of rehab, ruined most of my relationships and put my body through hell—but I never changed enough to maintain my sobriety. Now, I know that I wasn’t fully committed. I got caught in the revolving door, costing me everything’.
Fortunately I found SR and learnt about recovery, learnt how to live sober. There is life after alcohol.
If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends can be a struggle sometimes. (We’re here all week too!)
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Well..... I might just have to claim shotgun then
thanks Mags!
Oh yeah, the revolving door.... I was stuck in it pretty much all of the last year! On and off and on and off drinking.
I’m hoping this time is different. Onto my 9th sober weekend and trying to maintain healthy habits all round, not just abstaining from drinking. Eating well, walking daily, thinking well, doing fun and positive things, working on relationships (including with myself) and working towards a positive future.
And checking in with SR every day without fail
thanks Mags!
Oh yeah, the revolving door.... I was stuck in it pretty much all of the last year! On and off and on and off drinking.
I’m hoping this time is different. Onto my 9th sober weekend and trying to maintain healthy habits all round, not just abstaining from drinking. Eating well, walking daily, thinking well, doing fun and positive things, working on relationships (including with myself) and working towards a positive future.
And checking in with SR every day without fail
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 3,520
Thanks Mags
I'm IN for the Weekenders thread. I didn't get to post much last week due to being away but I'm having a quiet weekend this weekend so will be checking in at SR each day. I was going to charge up the battery for my digital camera but looking at the weather forecast for the weekend (rain, rain and more rain) I don't know if it's worth it... that said today it is gorgeous outside and I'm heading out for a few hours.
I'm IN for the Weekenders thread. I didn't get to post much last week due to being away but I'm having a quiet weekend this weekend so will be checking in at SR each day. I was going to charge up the battery for my digital camera but looking at the weather forecast for the weekend (rain, rain and more rain) I don't know if it's worth it... that said today it is gorgeous outside and I'm heading out for a few hours.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,426
Great to have you Daytona! I happen to be working near Daytona right now.
Willow is that a laughing kookaburra? The trees look like Australian pine. There are tons of those growing wild in south Florida
Peter Faulk played a gangster type character in a movie called Made and I could never watch Columbo the same after that.
Willow is that a laughing kookaburra? The trees look like Australian pine. There are tons of those growing wild in south Florida
Peter Faulk played a gangster type character in a movie called Made and I could never watch Columbo the same after that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Portland maine
Posts: 1,330
Mags, I so relate to your share this morning. I too, like many here, relapsed over and over. Each time it got worse. Had to make some true changes to really be able to stay on the path this time and SR has been a huge part of that. So grateful I found you all. Nothing is worth drinking over. In for the weekend and further on.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Yes Cityboy, it sure is We have quite a few kookaburras around here.
Yes to the Australian pine tree too, although we mostly just call them coastal sheoaks (they’re Casuarina equisetifolia). They’re native here, but apparently they’re an invasive species in Florida....
We have quite a few kookaburras around here.Yes to the Australian pine tree too, although we mostly just call them coastal sheoaks (they’re Casuarina equisetifolia). They’re native here, but apparently they’re an invasive species in Florida....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,171
Originally Posted by Mags1 
I relapsed compulsively for years—went in and out of rehab, ruined most of my relationships and put my body through hell—but I never changed enough to maintain my sobriety.
Here's a circular argument, which by definition is a logical fallacy, but I like it anyway and feel free to use it because it's not really important: "People don't relapse. They just never stopped drinking." If a person says he relapsed 2 years after he quit, I would argue that he didn't quit. At best, he took a breather. This may be semantics, but I would sum it up as a lack of commitment.
The big hurdle for me was getting to recognize what commitment was and seizing it when I saw it. Most everyone in this forum has gone through years of self hatred, embarrassment, weak will, and desperately wanted to shed addiction, but we never seemed to get there. Don't confuse self hatred, embarrassment, weak will and wanting to shed that curse of addiction with "commitment." They are not the same thing. Just because you want something with all your heart or hate something with utter self disgust doesn't mean you are willing to commit to stopping. That's how it was for me.
There was also incorrect perceptions about my plight. A big one was the "Yeah but" excuses for not throwing in the towel. For some reason, I always thought, "Yeah, but what about going to a wedding where drinking was the norm?" For one thing, this excuse was incorrect. Lots of people don't drink at weddings and don't make a big deal about not doing it. They just don't, and no one even notices. The same can be said about funerals, a bad day at work, a good day at work, etc, etc, etc.
Commitment is recognizing that "Yeah buts" are irrelevant self made reasons for not giving up something that has no benefit to ourselves. "Yeah, but drinking gets me through hard times; Yeah, but drinking helps me relax when I'm tense; Yeah, but drinking makes sex better." False, false, false! These yeah buts are false perceptions that don't pass the tests of logic.
Commitment is recognizing that drinking is off the table. No excuses ever, even after years of sobriety and things are going well (or not well). Almost by definition, relapse is a lack of commitment. That you succumb to your AV is a state of no commitment. I remember taking on an attitude of not having to think a "Yeah but" excuse through. Drinking was simply off the table.
I don't want to over simplify commitment or make it sound like that's the only solution. Just because I don't recognize other causes of relapse, doesn't mean they don't exist. Just because I can't even imagine other causes doesn't mean they don't exist. It's just how it was for me in a nutshell.
For me, half the battle of finding commitment was recognizing it. I don't think I could have committed simply by saying, "I am committed." Making up a mantra was not enough. I had to recognize what it was, internalize it, and be it.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
I'm in!
I have not been a serial relapser. I guess I'd describe it this way: Before I quit, I would often think I should cut down my drinking, or quit "someday." Sometimes I would make a half-hearted attempt to cut down for a while, and I often went several days without drinking. But until I made a rock-solid decision to take alcohol off the table, those quits were not meant to be permanent, so that was not sobriety. Therefore, I'd say I have never relapsed (I'll add "not yet" to that, even though I'm 100% committed). DriGuy said: "Commitment is recognizing that drinking is off the table. No excuses ever, even after years of sobriety and things are going well (or not well)." That's how I have to see it. There's no situation that can make me drink. The situation has no power over me. The power is in my hands, when it comes to alcohol. Yes, I use a toolbox of sobriety tools to help me feel better and make progress as a sober person, all of which helps me stay sober in many ways. But when it boils down to it, my commitment is the bedrock of my sobriety. When I made that decision, it was clear-headed and final. I felt it right to the bottom of my soul. It's hard to describe. I often say it was a message from the universe (my higher power), telling me NOW IS THE TIME to change. I hope for everyone who struggles that you can feel that way someday. It's a feeling I am eternally grateful for.
I have not been a serial relapser. I guess I'd describe it this way: Before I quit, I would often think I should cut down my drinking, or quit "someday." Sometimes I would make a half-hearted attempt to cut down for a while, and I often went several days without drinking. But until I made a rock-solid decision to take alcohol off the table, those quits were not meant to be permanent, so that was not sobriety. Therefore, I'd say I have never relapsed (I'll add "not yet" to that, even though I'm 100% committed). DriGuy said: "Commitment is recognizing that drinking is off the table. No excuses ever, even after years of sobriety and things are going well (or not well)." That's how I have to see it. There's no situation that can make me drink. The situation has no power over me. The power is in my hands, when it comes to alcohol. Yes, I use a toolbox of sobriety tools to help me feel better and make progress as a sober person, all of which helps me stay sober in many ways. But when it boils down to it, my commitment is the bedrock of my sobriety. When I made that decision, it was clear-headed and final. I felt it right to the bottom of my soul. It's hard to describe. I often say it was a message from the universe (my higher power), telling me NOW IS THE TIME to change. I hope for everyone who struggles that you can feel that way someday. It's a feeling I am eternally grateful for.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I think unfortunately this whole forum has a too-lax acceptance of "relapse." It's like a club. I don't understand quitting and starting over and over and calling it sobriety. I'm with DriGuy, that's just taking some time off.
The word itself is lame, too. Relapse. Sounds redundant. It's just drinking with days off.
I quit drinking in the late 80s for the first time. I didn't struggle with quitting, I knew it was time. I didn't go to detox or AA meetings, it was just part of cleaning up my life. I made huge changes at the time including divorce and buying my own place and getting a new job. It was a great time in my life. I didn't even think about drinking - I just didn't drink.
Fast forward nearly 20 years and a perfect storm of every-reason-yet-no-reason-at-all happened and I picked up a drink. No thought behind it, no, "Oh, I really shouldn't." I just had a glass of - something, don't even remember what it was. I was a drinker again for the next seven years. It went smoothly at first. For several years I just had one now and then. Then it ramped up as it does and I recognized old behaviors from my twenties rearing their ugly heads. I never even knew there was a word for it, "relapse."
It was Time to just stop. Again.
If I hadn't come to this forum or AA meetings I wouldn't have even known people struggle to quit. I did have a lot of physical symptoms and it was miserable and I don't remember that being the case in my twenties. I didn't feel like I was at risk to drink again though. That's why I don't understand that phenomenon of quit then drink over and over. That feels so demoralizing to me...like you can't even believe yourself. That's scary.
Prayers for those who are having trouble with commitment.
The word itself is lame, too. Relapse. Sounds redundant. It's just drinking with days off.
I quit drinking in the late 80s for the first time. I didn't struggle with quitting, I knew it was time. I didn't go to detox or AA meetings, it was just part of cleaning up my life. I made huge changes at the time including divorce and buying my own place and getting a new job. It was a great time in my life. I didn't even think about drinking - I just didn't drink.
Fast forward nearly 20 years and a perfect storm of every-reason-yet-no-reason-at-all happened and I picked up a drink. No thought behind it, no, "Oh, I really shouldn't." I just had a glass of - something, don't even remember what it was. I was a drinker again for the next seven years. It went smoothly at first. For several years I just had one now and then. Then it ramped up as it does and I recognized old behaviors from my twenties rearing their ugly heads. I never even knew there was a word for it, "relapse."
It was Time to just stop. Again.
If I hadn't come to this forum or AA meetings I wouldn't have even known people struggle to quit. I did have a lot of physical symptoms and it was miserable and I don't remember that being the case in my twenties. I didn't feel like I was at risk to drink again though. That's why I don't understand that phenomenon of quit then drink over and over. That feels so demoralizing to me...like you can't even believe yourself. That's scary.
Prayers for those who are having trouble with commitment.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,787
Count me in! My birthday is tomorrow so I'm really starting the weekend off with a bang. It's my 11th sober birthday.
I relapsed a lot when I was starting out. I still had the desire to drink so I always ended up drinking. But when I finally wanted to be sober MORE than I wanted to drink, that was the start of my success at staying sober.
My birthday is tomorrow so I'm really starting the weekend off with a bang. It's my 11th sober birthday. I relapsed a lot when I was starting out. I still had the desire to drink so I always ended up drinking. But when I finally wanted to be sober MORE than I wanted to drink, that was the start of my success at staying sober.
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