Dandelion12

Sorry to keep pestering everyone, but I have nowhere else to turn and Im scared.

I feel numb and confused.

Im so alone and feel like theres no point.

Total despair

I dont want to keep going

No one can help me

kevlarsjal2

Hi Dandelion

I felt in a similar way in early recovery. It helped me to know that this is normal as the brain and the whole body are in some kind of shock now that the alcohol is gone. The brain is very busy readjusting and it sends all sorts of weird and confused signals. But all of this is normal and doesn't reflect on you as a person. Try to see the way you feel right now as symptoms of an illness that will get better over time. Just keep going. One day at a time, or even one minute at a time if a whole day seems to long.

I don't know much about your situation, so if you haven't already then maybe it would be good to speak to a doctor or a therapist about how you feel. And reach out to people here or in self help groups.
But one thing I had to understand for myself and it was a massive game changer: No one can help me, this is what I used to think. But it's not true. I found out that I was the one who helped myself. By taking baby step after baby step and doing the next right thing. Or just not doing the wrong thing. Sometimes the next right thing can be as simple as going to bed and maybe the next day will feel a little brighter.

Hang in there, it does get better!

Dandelion12

Ive been BEGGING God for help.

Begging.

Im in hell

Thank you

Wastinglife

I am in a similar state Dandelion. I am completely isolated. Besides ordering a coffee or a few words to the cashier at the grocery store, I have no interactions with anybody. I speak to my father once a week on the phone and that is the only contact I have with anyone I know. I am 10 days sober and wonder to myself every day what exactly is the point of being sober. I already lost everything and at age 42, there is no 2nd chance really. I am essentially unemployable given the red flags I raise.

The thing that keeps me going, however, is that I know that I am far from being the only person to ever to face such circumstances. I may not see it yet, but I do believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Need to go around the bend first.

Don't give up yet!

Dandelion12

Thank you .

Im so tired of hurting.

I just want the hurting to stop

ScottFromWI

Sorry you are having a bad day Dandelion. I am not sure if i've asked before, but have you ever seen a therapist/counselor? Sounds like you could really benefit from some help in that area with your depression and anxiety?

Dandelion12

All during my marriage..id go but anxiety remained.

I just dont want to start over.

I cant do it all over again.

Ive been through so much

Drinking doesnt work. Im afraid Im going to be alone forever.

Im just so scared.

aasharon90

Morning Dandelion. Good to see you posting.

It is in not reaching or asking for help, trying
to it alone that so many realize they can't and
return back to their addiction. You coming here
on a daily bases and posting letting us know how
you are doing, feeling, lets us know that you
truely need help and you cant do it alone or
by yourself.

That to me does not show me a sign of weakness
at all. Many here that do come to SR seeking help
are stronger than they think they are. They are learning
along the way by asking questions, needing support,
understanding, communication, guidance as they and
you remain sober one day at a time.

If you sat where you are alone, by yourself, not
doing anything to help yourself then that would
be a travesty. And we never want to hear or
read something bad has happen to our SR family
members.

Why, because we care about you and others
striving to remain sober to achieve a healthy,
happy, honest way of life moving forward.

So never apologize for asking or needing
help.

Tomorrow is your day to visit your physician,
right?

ScottFromWI

You can definitely start over - you already have by coming here and you didn't even realize it ;-) Isolating yourself is by far the worst thing you can do right now, so I'm glad you are here.

I tried to deal with my anxiety ( am diagnosed ) with alcohol for many years too, and it definitely doesn't work. It made it far worse actually.

If you had a therapist you liked maybe see if you could go talk to them again? I can tell you from personal experience that there are a many ways to deal with anxiety and talking to a professional about it really helped me.

Dandelion12

I had to move to a new state following my divorce.

I didnt know what i was going to do, just wanted a place I could afford where i could collapse.

I envy Whitney Houston. At least her suffering is over and she had family.

Id fail at suicide and just end up living with scars. So i sit here. Afraid and usless.

I dont know how nany are here because they deal with trauma. I just didnt want to feel so useless and traumatized anymore.

Im lost.

Thanks for talking to me everyone.

It helps. I just cant feel alone.

aasharon90

Dandelion, suicide is a PERMANENT solution
to yours, mine, our temporary problem of addiction.

A temporary problem that can be handled
with complete abstinence of any and all mind
altering drugs like alcohol, prescriptions meds,
narcotics, controlling drugs, along with applying
a continuous program of recovery.

I dont know all of Whitney's struggles thru
her life, but as you know, her own addiction
without recovery became her demons and
downfall, sadly.

For me and others, to return to our addiction
would mean we'd have all that comes with addiction
returned back to us. We may end up crazy, jailed
or dead. Dead is absolutely permanent and there
is no taking it back once its done.

There is nothing in this world so bad that
we cant work on to fix it especially since there
is abundant amounts of help available to all
that want it.

2 weeks sober is a good start to recovery
but it is only the beginning as all those toxins
are trying to leave your body. Once you go to
your doctor talking to them about your addiction,
recovery, all with complete honesty so they
can help you accordingly you will be one more
step and day with peace of mind.

Make sure you stand firm and adamant that
is something is to be prescribed that it not be
habit forming or narcotic.

We are here for you and all those struggling
with addiction as well as those continuing
on their journey each day remaining clean
and sober.

Dandelion12

Thank you Sharon.

Im just goung to try and stay sane TODAY.

Hopefully I will get better little by little

Thanks again all for your understanding and support

Culture

Dandelion your not useless, you are scared and nobody here will mind if you need to post a million times. You can't see it at the moment but you have already taken a few steps forward by asking for help, that is progress, you can take small steps everyday and they will soon add up. We will be walking beside you, you are not alone.

Anna

Dandelion, by coming here and posting, you are taking action. And, that is the first step in feeling better and getting better. Be proud of yourself for doing that. You are not alone. You are among friends who understand how hard this is.

Opivotal

Dandelion, when I was two weeks sober, I was barely functioning. I was tired, irritable, emotional and depressed. My brain was scrambled and my body was plain exhausted. I hung on for dear life! Waking up sober was an accomplishment for me. Day by day, I started to feel just a tiny bit better. For the first time in years, I believed in myself.

Hang on for dear life, Dandelion! Believe in yourself, you are worthy, you are here for a reason, you do have a purpose.

Lean on your SR friends. We understand and will be by your side.

Dandelion12

I want to drink

I am in pain

I dont know how to make it anymore.

Im so scared and alone and pathetic

kevlarsjal2

You're not alone, we're here for you Drinking will just make you feel worse, but you know that. Maybe have a cup of tea and then go to bed? Not sure which time zone you're in but if you're in Europe, you could just call it a day and go to bed? That's what I sometimes had to do in order to keep myself from doing something stupid.

Dandelion12

Im tired of suffering . Im so tired of it

aasharon90

If you are in pain, which is what happens when
we go thru withdrawals from alcohol, what might
be best for you at this point is get yourself to the
hospital.

There have been folks here in the same position
as you with panic attacks or depression and have
had to get themselves to the hospital.

Id probably go right now. Just go. And when you
do let them know how long you have been off
alcohol and they will help you from there.

Maybe someone who has been thru this can
share their own experience with you and others
going thru these withdrawal symptoms.

Panic attacks can be emotional and
physically painful. Go get your help, please.

Dandelion12

They wont help me there.

Unless Im suicidal in which case theyll baker act me for 3 days.

I cant afford it anyway.

Ill drink before I go through that again.

Ill try to make it through