Fallow

Man its been a long time since I posted here. I check in and lurk every once in awhile. Life has been life. Lotta good and quite a bit of bad. But I am still alive.

I still drink but I know that the time in my life to stay sober for good is approaching. If I am being honest it has long passed but I did not stay on the train.

Some big milestones, and stressors are happening in my life this year. I am just looking to pick my moment and start fresh.

Dee74

Welcome back

Gotta ask tho - what do you think it will take for you to stop drinking Fallow?

D

doggonecarl

You are as ambivalent about quitting as you've been in previous posts, Fallow. Too bad. You've be coming here for years. A part of you want sobriety. Hope it finds its way to the surface.

Fallow

Dont know. Every outside circumstance that could happen has already happened in one way or the other. Most of these were minor at the time but they will just get worse I know. That has been one of the big changes over the years, I have seen that the idea of consequences getting worse is so real.

Fallow

It's true. Lots of things have changed but so much has not changed.

calmself

Wow, Fallow. Your messages are so cryptic! Unable to pick anything solid out of them

Anna

Welcome back!

There is no perfect time to stop drinking. There will always be a reason to put it off. I hope you decide to stop.

Hevyn

Good to see you back, Fallow. Glad you cracked the ice & are warming up to the idea of quitting. Sounds like you want to be clear headed for what's to come. I hope you'll stay with us - you can do it.

thomas11

The day may come when the choice to quit will be taken from you (health reasons, death etc...) and that would be a shame. Hope you make the choice soon, but I agree you have to be "ready".

lessgravity

Lot's of hinting at quitting, lots of not quitting.

Fallow

No intent on being cryptic.

Basically I am sober right now but its been only 3 days. I intend on staying sober the next month and a half but after that I have a going away party I am attending which involves drinking.

After that due to changes with my family, people leaving town, deaths, and the like I am expecting to attempt permanent sobriety, again.

Free2bme888

Last week I took 7 liters of fluid off a middle aged female. This was ascites off her abdomen from drinking. Jaundiced. Wheelchair bound, too weak to walk.

Her adopted less than 10 year-old was bringing her food for about a month as she lay on the floor in her excrement but still drank.

Sad. Sad for everyone.

She has chosen her path. I have chosen mine.

Please choose wisely.

Free

lessgravity

Almost 7 years ago you posted a thread with the title "Planned Relapse", and yet here you are, only 3 days sober, ready to drink a month and a half from now.

rascalwhiteoak

Three days of sobriety may not feel like much, but it's worth protecting. As for planning to drink six weeks from now, maybe plan not to drink?

FreeOwl

In my experience, the moment to pick is NOW.

Life will always be life.

There will always be stressors.

There will always be excuses.

The sooner you embrace sobriety, the sooner everything gets better.

fini

Fallow,
when i first got sober, i went to Lifering meetings once a week, where R was one of the guys there, always half-assedly trying. or not.
i have seen him overthe years, usually when i am on my way to a local coffeeshop and he is, for some reason, on the other side of the street, by the liquor store.

the last time we chatted, he asked me if i was still sober, all these years later. yes, yes i am, R. and how are things with you?

"all this time...i just can't. I keep waiting for everything to be aligned just right, even the stars. I know it doesn't work that way, but nevertheless, everything has to be aligned just so in my life before i can...you know."

and then he went into the liquor store.

i think of him occasionally and wonder....

and yeah, there is a perfect time to quit. the perfect time is now.

Houndheart

A quote from the novel A Separate Peace by John Knowles is going through through my head : “The tree was not only stripped by the cold season, it seemed weary from age, enfeebled, dry. I was thankful, very thankful that I had seen it. So the more things remain the same, the more they change after all—plus c'est la même chose, plus ça change. Nothing endures, not a tree, not love, not even....”
Well, it goes on but I think we get the point.
Don’t waste your life trying to figure out the right time to get and stay sober. Don’t wait till you’re an old feeble tree.
Just do it.
Now.
I really think you can.
And I think you’re here because you really want to.

AtomicBlue

I agree, quit now. Cancel attending the going away party. I cancelled going on a trip and a few other things in early sobriety. There will be time for that later. It's just a small sliver of time in your life. A minor event compared to building the foundation for a better life.

Fallow

I know you all are correct. Today is the best day to be sober. I came here because I hope being here will spark that flame again. I have always seemed to do better when my account was active here.

I didnt expect to hear anything different either. I have seen and lived on the revolving circles of addiction long enough to know the score.

Day 4 today.

lessgravity

Good work on day 4.

What about working on getting rid of your planned relapse?