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Old 08-19-2018, 10:54 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Free2bme888 View Post
Last week I took 7 liters of fluid off a middle aged female. This was ascites off her abdomen from drinking. Jaundiced. Wheelchair bound, too weak to walk.

Her adopted less than 10 year-old was bringing her food for about a month as she lay on the floor in her excrement but still drank.

Sad. Sad for everyone.


Free
Wow....there, but for the grace as the saying goes. This story sent chills down my spine. The bad kind.

I have to ask: is anyone doing anything for the child? As a healthcare professional, are you obligated to, or forbidden from, contacting a child welfare agency?

Good luck to you this time around, Fallow. I'm sure it's challenging to go through painful life changes and loss, but there will always be excuses to drink. There are better excuses not to drink. Hope you give yourself permission to care for yourself enough to stop.
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Old 08-19-2018, 11:29 AM
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Congratulations on Day 4.
I'm a relative newbie ( a little over a month sober) but I will offer up this paraphrase of something I read in "Sober is the New Black" by Rachel Black which really helped me.
"Instead of viewing every event as a barrier to getting sober, accept that they occur and let them. I could experience them without alcohol, just to see, however difficult that may be. Every hurdle I approached, I reminded myself that I had been to these events many times before and drunk alcohol I had many holidays with alcohol every night. I had many drunken nights out. I knew exactly what they were like. Why not try going without? Why not change the record? Why not try it this once sober, and if it is truly awful, return to drinking at the next one . . . The mental safety net of just this once, just for tonight, just for a time, just for just now kept me calm. I knew I could always change my mind . . . One day at a time is a cliche' but this open door kept me from being overwhelmed to the point of panic by the magnitude of forever and helped me get through the difficult early days."
I told myself every day for the first 10 days: "Not today. If you really want a drink tomorrow, you can have one, but not today. You can do without a drink for a day." Now I do it when I get a craving around cocktail time. I did it and do it one day at a time. I don't think about my birthday coming, the holidays, or never drinking again. It's too overwhelming. Just today. It's a hella lot easier. I believe you can do this, just for today.
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Old 08-19-2018, 11:35 AM
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Glad to hear you are on day one Fallow. You may have read it in the past but what about checking out Dees thread on plans?
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Old 08-19-2018, 04:29 PM
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Welcome back Fallow - if you need the link let me know.

I also recommend joining the Class of August thread

D
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Old 08-19-2018, 05:52 PM
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It's so good to have you back with us, Fallow.
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Old 08-19-2018, 07:39 PM
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hi Fallow
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Old 08-20-2018, 04:54 AM
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Hi Fini.

Feeling much better today got good sleep.

Read a thread last night in secular by Daredevil that was super powerful in the responses.

Off to work I go.
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Old 08-20-2018, 05:46 AM
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Interesting. I was reading your thread yesterday.

We're about the same age with the same drinking patterns.

As you know, I've used SMART & AVRT to beat addiction.

Feel free to message me if you ever need to.

Hoping you can "fallow" the sober path.
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Old 08-20-2018, 06:09 AM
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Good to see you here Fallow. What's the plan?
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Old 08-20-2018, 04:50 PM
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Originally Posted by daredevil View Post

Hoping you can "fallow" the sober path.
I am thinking so.

The plan is to mostly utilize AVRT and SR. Gonna reread Rational Recovery. I started going back thru the Big Book so should be thru with that this week and I may try to work in a meeting now and then. I know nothing about SMART so I am gonna spend some time researching that and hopefully pick up some tools.

Really I know the rule is do not pick up the first drink no matter what. Of course its all about execution.

I have learned a lot from my relapses over the years and many of the same environmental factors exist... So in some areas I know I just gotta grind it out and thats not gonna be easy, but its doable.
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Old 08-21-2018, 10:33 AM
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imminently doable,don't talk yourself out of it , rootin for ya !
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Old 08-21-2018, 10:40 AM
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How you doing today Fallow?
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Old 08-21-2018, 02:42 PM
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Doing mostly good today thanks! How are you?

I have not had any cravings per se but I have definitely caught my AV trying to sneak up on me already.

Physically I feel fine for the most part . Have been eating healthy and gotten great sleep! The better rest alone is enough reason for me to stay sober. I slept terribly while drinking.

Mentally or emotion wise I definitely have some old pains and anxieties crossing my mind. I expect nothing less but it has surprised me how quick I am dwelling on past failures and shameful actions. And also things others have done.

I am trying to take my day slowly and not try to catch up on all of life at once. Since I am staying sober for good I figure I have time.
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Old 08-22-2018, 05:19 AM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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Hi Fallow,

Your story really resonates with me. I am 39 too and been drinking heavily for 23 years.

I turn 40 in December and there is no way I want to drag on the s*** cycle into my 40s of getting wasted every weekend - its basically like i work all week, binge the entire weekend and then forget about doing/enjoying all the stuff that makes me happy inbetween because I'm too hungover and depressed.

I think we are similar, that we want sobriety but find it hard to admit to others that it is the only way we can become the best version of ourselves.

Right now I'm on Day 4 - feeling tired but relieved that a) I'm still alive and b) I've hopefully caught this in time before I get really dependent.

Like you were on the original post in June, I have a meet up planned with some old university pals in oct which will feature booze but I am resolved to stay strong.

How are you feeling after your last relapse? Did it make you definitely sure you want to quit for good.

I'm with you 100% on this.

Hugs
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Old 08-22-2018, 06:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Fallow View Post
Doing mostly good today thanks! How are you?

I have not had any cravings per se but I have definitely caught my AV trying to sneak up on me already.

Physically I feel fine for the most part . Have been eating healthy and gotten great sleep! The better rest alone is enough reason for me to stay sober. I slept terribly while drinking.

Mentally or emotion wise I definitely have some old pains and anxieties crossing my mind. I expect nothing less but it has surprised me how quick I am dwelling on past failures and shameful actions. And also things others have done.

I am trying to take my day slowly and not try to catch up on all of life at once. Since I am staying sober for good I figure I have time.
I'm doing really well in my sobriety, trying to sort out the rest of life that comes with finally getting sober - similar to the mental experience you identify. Keeping myself physically active to combat some of that.

Glad to hear you are sober, hope to see more of you around these parts.
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Old 08-22-2018, 09:10 AM
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Originally Posted by hugbear View Post
Hi Fallow,

Your story really resonates with me. I am 39 too and been drinking heavily for 23 years.

I turn 40 in December and there is no way I want to drag on the s*** cycle into my 40s of getting wasted every weekend - its basically like i work all week, binge the entire weekend and then forget about doing/enjoying all the stuff that makes me happy inbetween because I'm too hungover and depressed.

I think we are similar, that we want sobriety but find it hard to admit to others that it is the only way we can become the best version of ourselves.

Right now I'm on Day 4 - feeling tired but relieved that a) I'm still alive and b) I've hopefully caught this in time before I get really dependent.

Like you were on the original post in June, I have a meet up planned with some old university pals in oct which will feature booze but I am resolved to stay strong.

How are you feeling after your last relapse? Did it make you definitely sure you want to quit for good.

I'm with you 100% on this.

Hugs
Hi hugbear,

I do find it hard to admit to others its my only way. Right now I am just trying to put some time between me and my last drink. I will worry about what everyone else thinks down the road if I have to.

I agree with you I hope I am dealing with this early enogh to move forward and not have many more consequences from my past. Hoping to heal.

My relapses taught me a lot about the ways the AV has hijacked my brain and convinced me to drink. I feel much better now. The thing is I never got to physical dependency or withdrawals or round the clock drinking so there are many openings my AV likes to use in saying I was not bad enough to quit entirely.

I think approaching this 40 milestone I knew I wanted to quit at this time earlier in the year. I didnt do an all out binge or anything as it got closer, I just accepted the fact that after 25 years its time to go another direction in my life.

The relapse did not make me sure necessarily, but that relapse started almost 5 years ago.

One thing I learned is, if I relapse I usually dont come right back to sobriety. So the idea of drinking for a weekend and starting over is laughable for me.

I thought about it lots and I think sobriety is the best 40th birthday present I can give myself.

Hope you keep going sober and keep coming back here
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Old 08-22-2018, 09:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Fallow View Post
I just accepted the fact that after 25 years its time to go another direction in my life.
I like this. You've done all the drinking you ever need to do. Move on.

I've missed you, Fallow! Welcome back!
xxxooo
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Old 08-22-2018, 09:35 AM
  # 58 (permalink)  
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One thing I learned is, if I relapse I usually dont come right back to sobriety. So the idea of drinking for a weekend and starting over is laughable for me.

Same here, fallow. After 5 months of abstaining, I had planned to tie one on for just one weekend. It lasted nearly 2 months. As a practical matter, I can't be wasting a month or two bingeing.
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Old 08-22-2018, 09:37 AM
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Originally Posted by daredevil View Post
One thing I learned is, if I relapse I usually dont come right back to sobriety. So the idea of drinking for a weekend and starting over is laughable for me.

Same here, fallow. After 5 months of abstaining, I had planned to tie one on for just one weekend. It lasted nearly 2 months. As a practical matter, I can't be wasting a month or two bingeing.
No question about this for me too. It's part of the general realization that I can't ever drink again - the binges are never confined, they spill over into everything, and the anxiety and physical suffering bubble up and stain everything as well.
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Old 08-22-2018, 11:56 AM
  # 60 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Fallow View Post
Hi hugbear,

I do find it hard to admit to others its my only way. Right now I am just trying to put some time between me and my last drink. I will worry about what everyone else thinks down the road if I have to.

I agree with you I hope I am dealing with this early enogh to move forward and not have many more consequences from my past. Hoping to heal.

My relapses taught me a lot about the ways the AV has hijacked my brain and convinced me to drink. I feel much better now. The thing is I never got to physical dependency or withdrawals or round the clock drinking so there are many openings my AV likes to use in saying I was not bad enough to quit entirely.

I think approaching this 40 milestone I knew I wanted to quit at this time earlier in the year. I didnt do an all out binge or anything as it got closer, I just accepted the fact that after 25 years its time to go another direction in my life.

The relapse did not make me sure necessarily, but that relapse started almost 5 years ago.

One thing I learned is, if I relapse I usually dont come right back to sobriety. So the idea of drinking for a weekend and starting over is laughable for me.

I thought about it lots and I think sobriety is the best 40th birthday present I can give myself.

Hope you keep going sober and keep coming back here
Thanks fallow - I wish you the same on your journey of healing.

I've reached an emotional crossroads with drinking and now I see it for what it is, I don't want it in my life.

Go safe.
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