New here and 13 days sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 9
New here and 13 days sober
Hi everyone
I'm on my 13th day without a drink and it's a pretty lonely journey so I thought I would join this site.
I had a bit of an epiphany a few weeks ago after a massive drinking binge where I did something absolutely unforgivable which could wreck my marriage. It was the biggest wake up call I think I've ever had and shocked me enough to make me realise that I have to quit drinking.
I've been a binge drinker for about 25 years. Even saying that freaks me out. It's been getting worse and worse in recent years and I've been blacking out loads and losing huge chunks of my evenings - and days sometimes.
A few weeks ago I did something awful that I would never have done if I was sober. If my husband finds out, our marriage will be over and I'll lose everything that really matters to me. I've been very stupid and I'm very scared. I'm really hoping that I won't be judged here for my terrible behaviour. I'm trying to sort my life out at last and any support or advice would be much appreciated.
I'm on my 13th day without a drink and it's a pretty lonely journey so I thought I would join this site.
I had a bit of an epiphany a few weeks ago after a massive drinking binge where I did something absolutely unforgivable which could wreck my marriage. It was the biggest wake up call I think I've ever had and shocked me enough to make me realise that I have to quit drinking.
I've been a binge drinker for about 25 years. Even saying that freaks me out. It's been getting worse and worse in recent years and I've been blacking out loads and losing huge chunks of my evenings - and days sometimes.
A few weeks ago I did something awful that I would never have done if I was sober. If my husband finds out, our marriage will be over and I'll lose everything that really matters to me. I've been very stupid and I'm very scared. I'm really hoping that I won't be judged here for my terrible behaviour. I'm trying to sort my life out at last and any support or advice would be much appreciated.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi and welcome to SR fourfiftyeight.
You're not the only person here who ever did something they were ashamed of - whatever it was is your business.
We just want to help
There is life after addiction - a good life
D
You're not the only person here who ever did something they were ashamed of - whatever it was is your business.
We just want to help
There is life after addiction - a good life
D
Last edited by Dee74; 09-13-2017 at 04:21 AM. Reason: need glasses
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
Congrats on 13 days 458.
I would imagine we all pretty much have a few horror stories to tell of when we were drinking. My marriage failed because of my ex's drinking and funnily enough my recent relationship ended due to mine! - you would have thought I would have been wiser- but no. That is the nature of the disease, all sound judgement goes out of the window. I never knew where I was going to end up after a drink. Which is why I just don't anymore.
This is a safe, friendly place to be, all the help and advice you could ask for and most importantly, you don't have to be alone with it, we know what your going through.
I would imagine we all pretty much have a few horror stories to tell of when we were drinking. My marriage failed because of my ex's drinking and funnily enough my recent relationship ended due to mine! - you would have thought I would have been wiser- but no. That is the nature of the disease, all sound judgement goes out of the window. I never knew where I was going to end up after a drink. Which is why I just don't anymore.
This is a safe, friendly place to be, all the help and advice you could ask for and most importantly, you don't have to be alone with it, we know what your going through.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 9
Thank you everyone. As I said in my first post, I'm finding this all a very lonely experience.
I don't know many people who don't drink and it seems that alcohol is everywhere - I can hardly escape it. I helped out my next door neighbours the other day and they brought me round a bottle of wine to say thank you. Argh! It was pretty torturous sitting there while my husband drank it. He hasn't given up drinking. He is an enthusiastic drinker himself but nowhere near as bad as me and when I'm sober (as I've managed to do from time to time) he seems happy to drink moderately.
I'm just wondering how I can manage to keep this up when my social life has always revolved around drinking. I'm horribly shy, self conscious and anxious and alcohol has always been a crutch that's helped me through life.
I don't know many people who don't drink and it seems that alcohol is everywhere - I can hardly escape it. I helped out my next door neighbours the other day and they brought me round a bottle of wine to say thank you. Argh! It was pretty torturous sitting there while my husband drank it. He hasn't given up drinking. He is an enthusiastic drinker himself but nowhere near as bad as me and when I'm sober (as I've managed to do from time to time) he seems happy to drink moderately.
I'm just wondering how I can manage to keep this up when my social life has always revolved around drinking. I'm horribly shy, self conscious and anxious and alcohol has always been a crutch that's helped me through life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I thought everyone drank too - but since I quit I've found quite a number of people don't drink at all, and the majority of folks drink normally - ie they actually leave some in the glass when they're done.
my old life was all about drinking too - I surrounded myself with drinkers.
I can't lie - I needed to change that life in order to change me. I had to change my ideas of what fun was, and cut some people out and several more cut me out when I quit drinking...
It may sound dismaying even dismal - but in fact it was the first step to freedom for me.
I met a lot of new people and reconnected with old friends that my drinking had pushed away.
I'm still self conscious and anxious but I've accepted that is me - and in accepting that, the anxiety and self consciousness have actually improved a lot.
It's no longer A Big Deal.
I love my new life. I'm not missing out on anything.
D
my old life was all about drinking too - I surrounded myself with drinkers.
I can't lie - I needed to change that life in order to change me. I had to change my ideas of what fun was, and cut some people out and several more cut me out when I quit drinking...
It may sound dismaying even dismal - but in fact it was the first step to freedom for me.
I met a lot of new people and reconnected with old friends that my drinking had pushed away.
I'm still self conscious and anxious but I've accepted that is me - and in accepting that, the anxiety and self consciousness have actually improved a lot.
It's no longer A Big Deal.
I love my new life. I'm not missing out on anything.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome Fourfiftyeight. I'm sorry that the booze has brought you so low but I'm glad you made it to SR. Most of us here have felt the burning shame of the horrid things we did drunk- certainly I have. We can't absolve you of your past actions but you can put them behind you. The past can't be changed but the future is yet to be written. How the rest of your story goes is up to you.
As Dee says, it feels like you're surrounded by alcohol because you're a drunk/drinker. At least half the world (maybe more) never touch the stuff. Once booze isn't a part of your life you'll stop seeing it everywhere.
It won't always be easy but it's definitely worth it. There is hope for a better life if you want it.
As Dee says, it feels like you're surrounded by alcohol because you're a drunk/drinker. At least half the world (maybe more) never touch the stuff. Once booze isn't a part of your life you'll stop seeing it everywhere.
It won't always be easy but it's definitely worth it. There is hope for a better life if you want it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Great to have you with us, fourfiftyeight. SR helped me get my life back - everyone here understands how you feel.
Once alcohol was in my system, I had no idea where it was going to take me. I only drank to be less shy & self-conscious in the early days - but over time it completely distorted my personality. I turned into someone else every time I drank. The only way to be safe was to get free of it. You can do it - and we'll help. Welcome.
Once alcohol was in my system, I had no idea where it was going to take me. I only drank to be less shy & self-conscious in the early days - but over time it completely distorted my personality. I turned into someone else every time I drank. The only way to be safe was to get free of it. You can do it - and we'll help. Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 46
Congrats on your 13 days I'm just ahead of you on day 18. I have done a lot of things myself that I'm not proud of, but there's nothing I can do about it but learn from it. I'm not a very religious person but I've always found comfort in the phrase , go and sin no more. Anyway good luck to you. Keep fighting the good fight.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
welcome to SR! No one will judge you here. We have all been there.
It will get easier as the days add up. Stay busy and read on here often.
Did you join the September class? It would be a great place to start and get some daily support. Hope this helps.
It will get easier as the days add up. Stay busy and read on here often.
Did you join the September class? It would be a great place to start and get some daily support. Hope this helps.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Welcome to the family. 
We've all done and said things we regret. We understand how hard it is to forgive ourselves. But it is possible to move on, and live a better life sober.
We've all done and said things we regret. We understand how hard it is to forgive ourselves. But it is possible to move on, and live a better life sober.
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