Great to have you with us, fourfiftyeight. SR helped me get my life back - everyone here understands how you feel.
Once alcohol was in my system, I had no idea where it was going to take me. I only drank to be less shy & self-conscious in the early days - but over time it completely distorted my personality. I turned into someone else every time I drank. The only way to be safe was to get free of it. You can do it - and we'll help. Welcome.