Welcome Fourfiftyeight. I'm sorry that the booze has brought you so low but I'm glad you made it to SR. Most of us here have felt the burning shame of the horrid things we did drunk- certainly I have. We can't absolve you of your past actions but you can put them behind you. The past can't be changed but the future is yet to be written. How the rest of your story goes is up to you.
As Dee says, it feels like you're surrounded by alcohol because you're a drunk/drinker. At least half the world (maybe more) never touch the stuff. Once booze isn't a part of your life you'll stop seeing it everywhere.
It won't always be easy but it's definitely worth it. There is hope for a better life if you want it.
