Starting the Program
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
Starting the Program
I finally realized today that I have to start the 12 step program with a sponsor. Nothing else has worked for me.
I had five years sober starting 11 years ago. That was on my own. Then I started drinking again.
Over the last 2 years I have sporadically gone to meetings. I even have stumbled onto a place that has meetings all the time. It's a facility that is just for AA and AlAnon. So they have a pretty strong group that is regular.
So here are my reservations.
First of all I just don't like the big book. The way it's written really puts me off. It really annoys me when people treat it like it's the words of God.
Second, I hate the idea of a sponsor. But I realize now that I can't do this alone so I've got to let others into my life in order to make this change.
I've been in meetings where people talk about working the steps even though they may not know why they are working the steps. they say the steps can work anyway.
So that's what I'm going to do.
I figure I better be honest with my sponsor about my reservations.
I had five years sober starting 11 years ago. That was on my own. Then I started drinking again.
Over the last 2 years I have sporadically gone to meetings. I even have stumbled onto a place that has meetings all the time. It's a facility that is just for AA and AlAnon. So they have a pretty strong group that is regular.
So here are my reservations.
First of all I just don't like the big book. The way it's written really puts me off. It really annoys me when people treat it like it's the words of God.
Second, I hate the idea of a sponsor. But I realize now that I can't do this alone so I've got to let others into my life in order to make this change.
I've been in meetings where people talk about working the steps even though they may not know why they are working the steps. they say the steps can work anyway.
So that's what I'm going to do.
I figure I better be honest with my sponsor about my reservations.
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
Your reservations are pretty much the same reservations we all have when we walk into our first AA meeting. But at some point, like you are at now, the pain becomes great enough that we are willing to do what ever it takes to get better. You are doing exactly what you need to do, getting a sponsor and following ALL of their advice. You may not understand why you should do what they will ask of you but at this point that's all you need to do. Just do your best to do all the things they ask and over time it will make sense. Like they say, your best thinking is what got you to this point so why not trust someone else's thinking for awhile.
Believe me, I thought the Big Book was goofy, a sponsor was just some ass on a power trip who wanted to boss me around and there was not way I was going to do ANY of those stupid steps that make no sense at all! After a year of thinking like that and only going to meetings, but drinking, the pain finally got great enough and I said I give up. I then asked my sponsor what to do, he gave me some direction and I did everything he asked of me without question. Finally after doing steps 4 and 5 I felt a great relief and I was on track to living again. Now, all those things I thought were pointless all make sense. I really hope for you that this is your breaking point and you will take all the steps you need in order to feel free and live a great life!
Believe me, I thought the Big Book was goofy, a sponsor was just some ass on a power trip who wanted to boss me around and there was not way I was going to do ANY of those stupid steps that make no sense at all! After a year of thinking like that and only going to meetings, but drinking, the pain finally got great enough and I said I give up. I then asked my sponsor what to do, he gave me some direction and I did everything he asked of me without question. Finally after doing steps 4 and 5 I felt a great relief and I was on track to living again. Now, all those things I thought were pointless all make sense. I really hope for you that this is your breaking point and you will take all the steps you need in order to feel free and live a great life!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
Thanks hellrz
I've heard enough shares from people that went through the steps even though they had reservations.
I hate that I have to do this to stop. But nothing else has worked. And it has to end.
When I hear folks talk about walking into their first meeting and embracing the steps immediately - thats not me.
But, going into it I will not half way the steps. I'll go all in.
I've heard enough shares from people that went through the steps even though they had reservations.
I hate that I have to do this to stop. But nothing else has worked. And it has to end.
When I hear folks talk about walking into their first meeting and embracing the steps immediately - thats not me.
But, going into it I will not half way the steps. I'll go all in.
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
Charlie & Joe
For my part, I attended AA meetings on an intermittent but for regular periods for about 20 years at venues all over the urban conurbation that is Greater Manchester here in the UK and got nowhere...until finally, when I was ready to 'the towel in'. A guy handed me 5 of what on the 2nd occasion I saw him became 10, 'burned off' cd's of a recording of one of 'Charlie (Parmley) & Joe's (McQuany) Big Book Study Meetings.
Rightly remarking to me that they were as good as having my own sponsor, this recording is now available commercially together with a written transcript ...after listening to these whilst making notes in my copy of the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous I never looked back and that was nine years ago. One of the many people helped by these two guys to whom I'm eternally grateful.
I have no problem , for whatever is said about the Fellowship of AA, good, bad or indifferent that it exists as a support organisation for 'problem drinkers' nor that the key to recovery is in the Big Book.
Whilst others may share their experience, strength and hope with you, sobriety is an individual responsibility and no one got sober sitting at an AA meeting....but I would highly recommend having Charlie & Joe as your sponsors...
Rightly remarking to me that they were as good as having my own sponsor, this recording is now available commercially together with a written transcript ...after listening to these whilst making notes in my copy of the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous I never looked back and that was nine years ago. One of the many people helped by these two guys to whom I'm eternally grateful.
I have no problem , for whatever is said about the Fellowship of AA, good, bad or indifferent that it exists as a support organisation for 'problem drinkers' nor that the key to recovery is in the Big Book.
Whilst others may share their experience, strength and hope with you, sobriety is an individual responsibility and no one got sober sitting at an AA meeting....but I would highly recommend having Charlie & Joe as your sponsors...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hey, ClearLight. I too had reservations about the Big Book and AA in general. I lovedthe supportive, kind people I met in the meetings, though.
I really like Redmayne's suggestion. Give it a go!
Let us know how you do.
I really like Redmayne's suggestion. Give it a go!
Let us know how you do.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by ClearLight 
First of all I just don't like the big book. The way it's written really puts me off. It really annoys me when people treat it like it's the words of God.
I buy into around 90% of what's taught in AA and that has worked just fine for 9 years. Actually, anything would be better than my old drunken condition.
Take what you need and want and let the rest go.
M-Bob
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 420
You don't have to like the Big Book or even think highly of it to get something out of it. You just have to do what it suggests.
I hated every single text book I had to read when I was in school, too. I thought they were useless. But I still had to do what was in them. Lo and behold when I was done I had a degree in my hand.
I hated every single text book I had to read when I was in school, too. I thought they were useless. But I still had to do what was in them. Lo and behold when I was done I had a degree in my hand.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,903
I figure I better be honest with my sponsor about my reservations
that`s a good, powerful attitude to have,and one that should carry you a long ways into sobriety
best of luck with your journey
by the way,when I was new,I read that big book and thought I should rewrite it!
that`s a good, powerful attitude to have,and one that should carry you a long ways into sobriety
best of luck with your journey
by the way,when I was new,I read that big book and thought I should rewrite it!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"I've been in meetings where people talk about working the steps even though they may not know why they are working the steps."
the simple answer is we work the steps to recover from the seemingly hopeless state of mind and body- to recover from alcoholism.
the simple answer is we work the steps to recover from the seemingly hopeless state of mind and body- to recover from alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Glad you're here, Clear.
I'm also happy you are pursuing recovery through AA.
I felt a lot like you did when I got sober, but I was rather light on options given my circumstances, which were the consequences of my drinking, of course.
The good news is that you don't have to like any of the AA program.
You just have to do it.
I did, and my thinking changed dramatically.
And I haven't had a drink since.
I'm also happy you are pursuing recovery through AA.
I felt a lot like you did when I got sober, but I was rather light on options given my circumstances, which were the consequences of my drinking, of course.
The good news is that you don't have to like any of the AA program.
You just have to do it.
I did, and my thinking changed dramatically.
And I haven't had a drink since.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
The steps are one of those things in life where you act first, and as a result of that action gain an understanding afterwards. In other words I needed to take each step first to understand why I needed to take that step. Faith was the input and understanding was the output.
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
Originally Posted by Grungehead
The steps are one of those things in life where you act first, and as a result of that action gain an understanding afterwards. In other words I needed to take each step first to understand why I needed to take that step. Faith was the input and understanding was the output.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
ClearLight, The big issue with AA always seems to be religion based.
Most of us were given an image of what God is when we were growing up. So when God is discussed there is a lot of already preconceived notions that come up. I always find it interesting to hear from those who have no association with what they were taught growing up when they decide to work the steps. It gives good understanding of the absence of religion and the introduction to spirituality.
I heard a recent share at a meeting from an atheist. It was pretty awesome to witness.
He, like you, had been sober for long periods of time but without actually doing the steps. This past time through he came to the realization that nothing seemed to work long term for him. Although he attended AA throughout those sober bouts of time, being an atheist, he just didn't pay attention to anything that pointed towards God. This time through he decided to give it his all. To just do what was suggested by his sponsor and to work the steps. He passed the 9 month mark last month and said that this time has been completely different for him. That he's amazed that he's been able to maintain his sobriety and to actually be happy about it. That although somewhat still of the atheist mindset he now also says that he can't deny that there's something there because with his old way of thinking he would never be where he is today and feel the way that he does. That this time through there are some pretty amazing things that have happened in his life that he would have never thought possible. The only difference between past attempts and this are the steps. He can now no longer deny that there has to be a greater force, not that he yet understands what that is, but that it must exist due to the fact that this is the only difference.
The absence of religion in your life is one thing, the absence of spirituality is another.
You will find people in this program who equate the Big Book to the Bible (the word of God based on whatever they were taught growing up). If that's what it is for them then why should that bother us? It's what it is for "them" and doesn't mean that it's "our" understanding. What your understanding of "God" is will be entirely up to you. For me it's the positive and ever present energy that exists within me. It's that inner voice that's always there letting me know when I'm doing something wrong or right. That is my God consciousness. It has never steered me wrong.
What other people think God is has nothing to do with what you think God is. The words in that book and your work through the steps will be a gift to you and will come from whatever that ends up being for you.
My hope for you is that you see this same power and find what that represents for you through working the steps. It will be the most personal thing you will ever experience.
Most of us were given an image of what God is when we were growing up. So when God is discussed there is a lot of already preconceived notions that come up. I always find it interesting to hear from those who have no association with what they were taught growing up when they decide to work the steps. It gives good understanding of the absence of religion and the introduction to spirituality.
I heard a recent share at a meeting from an atheist. It was pretty awesome to witness.
He, like you, had been sober for long periods of time but without actually doing the steps. This past time through he came to the realization that nothing seemed to work long term for him. Although he attended AA throughout those sober bouts of time, being an atheist, he just didn't pay attention to anything that pointed towards God. This time through he decided to give it his all. To just do what was suggested by his sponsor and to work the steps. He passed the 9 month mark last month and said that this time has been completely different for him. That he's amazed that he's been able to maintain his sobriety and to actually be happy about it. That although somewhat still of the atheist mindset he now also says that he can't deny that there's something there because with his old way of thinking he would never be where he is today and feel the way that he does. That this time through there are some pretty amazing things that have happened in his life that he would have never thought possible. The only difference between past attempts and this are the steps. He can now no longer deny that there has to be a greater force, not that he yet understands what that is, but that it must exist due to the fact that this is the only difference.
The absence of religion in your life is one thing, the absence of spirituality is another.
You will find people in this program who equate the Big Book to the Bible (the word of God based on whatever they were taught growing up). If that's what it is for them then why should that bother us? It's what it is for "them" and doesn't mean that it's "our" understanding. What your understanding of "God" is will be entirely up to you. For me it's the positive and ever present energy that exists within me. It's that inner voice that's always there letting me know when I'm doing something wrong or right. That is my God consciousness. It has never steered me wrong.
What other people think God is has nothing to do with what you think God is. The words in that book and your work through the steps will be a gift to you and will come from whatever that ends up being for you.
My hope for you is that you see this same power and find what that represents for you through working the steps. It will be the most personal thing you will ever experience.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by ClearLight
I finally realized today that I have to start the 12 step program with a sponsor. Nothing else has worked for me.
I had five years sober starting 11 years ago. That was on my own. Then I started drinking again.
Over the last 2 years I have sporadically gone to meetings. I even have stumbled onto a place that has meetings all the time. It's a facility that is just for AA and AlAnon. So they have a pretty strong group that is regular.
So here are my reservations.
First of all I just don't like the big book. The way it's written really puts me off. It really annoys me when people treat it like it's the words of God.
Second, I hate the idea of a sponsor. But I realize now that I can't do this alone so I've got to let others into my life in order to make this change.
I've been in meetings where people talk about working the steps even though they may not know why they are working the steps. they say the steps can work anyway.
So that's what I'm going to do.
I figure I better be honest with my sponsor about my reservations.
I had five years sober starting 11 years ago. That was on my own. Then I started drinking again.
Over the last 2 years I have sporadically gone to meetings. I even have stumbled onto a place that has meetings all the time. It's a facility that is just for AA and AlAnon. So they have a pretty strong group that is regular.
So here are my reservations.
First of all I just don't like the big book. The way it's written really puts me off. It really annoys me when people treat it like it's the words of God.
Second, I hate the idea of a sponsor. But I realize now that I can't do this alone so I've got to let others into my life in order to make this change.
I've been in meetings where people talk about working the steps even though they may not know why they are working the steps. they say the steps can work anyway.
So that's what I'm going to do.
I figure I better be honest with my sponsor about my reservations.
Over my years in AA I have found the vast majority of the members are sincere in their efforts to help.
But you should also listen to your instincts. If something strikes you as odd you might want a second opinion.
Two bits of advise I chose to ignore when I joined: 1. I was told not to date for a year. Fine except I was already involved with a woman when I joined. A woman I ended up marrying. 2. An opportunity to better myself career-wise suddenly presented itself. It was recommended I pass. No big changes the first year I was told. I took the job. Still doing the same work today.
Sometimes I wonder if my sponsor actually believed what he was saying or parroting what someone told him.
Anyway good luck! Best thing I did was join AA.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Sometimes I wonder if my sponsor actually believed what he was saying or parroting what someone told him.
I can think of 10 people at the meeting I attend, that if they told me they were seeking a new relationship or job I would pause with a tilted eyebrow. Then there are those I would pat on the back and congratulate. We're all walking the same path but we aren't all at the same exact location.
It's all about your sponsor. Sometimes we forget that although they are guides, they're also human too.
My first two times through I had the same sponsor who was a long time friend. We went through the steps as recommended and met. I had read the book all the way through the point of working on step 4. Then, my sponsor dropped me for a difference in opinion (had nothing to do with sobriety). In fact, it showed that she, herself was a very sick individual.
Then, I found a new sponsor. On the first day of getting together I kind of rolled my eyes and thought "here we go with rereading the same thing I have read over and over before, I know all this already". No, I left her house on the first get together realizing that what I got out of those words and reading was far more this time through than I could imagine. So grateful I found her.
Finding a good sponsor is important.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
.... Then, my sponsor dropped me for a difference in opinion (had nothing to do with sobriety). In fact, it showed that she, herself was a very sick individual.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
Thanks to all.
I went to the meeting last night. Very few people showed up. I live in southern California and there were torrential rains and windstorms so I can understand why. I left early. And wound up drinking last night.
I will be back tomorrow - Sunday.
Realistically it won't be until Monday when I'll see the guys I wan't to sign on as sponsor.
The higher power thing doesn't bother me. I pray all the time anyway. Mainly "help me" and "thank you".
LadyBlue - it does bug me when they hang on every syllable. It bothers me when folks do that with the bible too. I just don't want a sponsor that expects me to be that way. It won't work.
I guess I want to look at the sponsor as a coach. I've seen athletes blossom with a particular coach so that idea looks good to me.
Plus, athletes change coaches all the time.
It's finally hitting me that I've got to at least give it a real try. Seeing it help so many makes me have a little hope.
I went to the meeting last night. Very few people showed up. I live in southern California and there were torrential rains and windstorms so I can understand why. I left early. And wound up drinking last night.
I will be back tomorrow - Sunday.
Realistically it won't be until Monday when I'll see the guys I wan't to sign on as sponsor.
The higher power thing doesn't bother me. I pray all the time anyway. Mainly "help me" and "thank you".
LadyBlue - it does bug me when they hang on every syllable. It bothers me when folks do that with the bible too. I just don't want a sponsor that expects me to be that way. It won't work.
I guess I want to look at the sponsor as a coach. I've seen athletes blossom with a particular coach so that idea looks good to me.
Plus, athletes change coaches all the time.
It's finally hitting me that I've got to at least give it a real try. Seeing it help so many makes me have a little hope.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by ClearLight
Thanks to all.
I went to the meeting last night. Very few people showed up. I live in southern California and there were torrential rains and windstorms so I can understand why. I left early. And wound up drinking last night.
I will be back tomorrow - Sunday.
Realistically it won't be until Monday when I'll see the guys I wan't to sign on as sponsor.
The higher power thing doesn't bother me. I pray all the time anyway. Mainly "help me" and "thank you".
LadyBlue - it does bug me when they hang on every syllable. It bothers me when folks do that with the bible too. I just don't want a sponsor that expects me to be that way. It won't work.
I guess I want to look at the sponsor as a coach. I've seen athletes blossom with a particular coach so that idea looks good to me.
Plus, athletes change coaches all the time.
It's finally hitting me that I've got to at least give it a real try. Seeing it help so many makes me have a little hope.
I went to the meeting last night. Very few people showed up. I live in southern California and there were torrential rains and windstorms so I can understand why. I left early. And wound up drinking last night.
I will be back tomorrow - Sunday.
Realistically it won't be until Monday when I'll see the guys I wan't to sign on as sponsor.
The higher power thing doesn't bother me. I pray all the time anyway. Mainly "help me" and "thank you".
LadyBlue - it does bug me when they hang on every syllable. It bothers me when folks do that with the bible too. I just don't want a sponsor that expects me to be that way. It won't work.
I guess I want to look at the sponsor as a coach. I've seen athletes blossom with a particular coach so that idea looks good to me.
Plus, athletes change coaches all the time.
It's finally hitting me that I've got to at least give it a real try. Seeing it help so many makes me have a little hope.
Speaking for myself it wasn't until I felt I trapped that I decided to check out AA. However, a few years before that I called and tried to get to a meeting. Couldn't find the place (I wasn't in the States) so that was the end of that. Waited another five years before trying again.
Imo, it's not difficult to pick apart the AA program and/or the meetings. However, AA is free and if nothing else you are in a room with others who understand the problems related to alcoholism.
My advice is remember you are not required to agree with everyone or everything in AA. However, also remember your opinion is your opinion. Which is fine yet don't get too upset at what you don't like.
I've been going to new meetings recently because I moved. The way I see it is I'm the new guy. I try and get along by not debating the dos and don'ts of AA. This meeting ends with the Lords Prayer and God is a central component of almost every share. Which is fine but I'm sure this meeting might not be everyone's cup of tea so to speak.
I guess what I am trying to say is look for the similarities and not the differences regarding the AA program, members and the meetings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
Thanks Ken.
I hope I'm not coming across as picking apart AA.
There are a few things that bother me but I'm going to give it a try. And not a half way try.
Others have said they just did the steps. Fake it until you make it.
For me it helps to know there are others that had some things they didn't care for in the program and still it worked for them. that's one of the big things that brings me back.
I've gone to meetings and drank after. The meeting itself doesn't stop me from drinking. So it's onto starting the program.
I hope I'm not coming across as picking apart AA.
There are a few things that bother me but I'm going to give it a try. And not a half way try.
Others have said they just did the steps. Fake it until you make it.
For me it helps to know there are others that had some things they didn't care for in the program and still it worked for them. that's one of the big things that brings me back.
I've gone to meetings and drank after. The meeting itself doesn't stop me from drinking. So it's onto starting the program.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
