Tryig

Hello guys, so yesterday happened something again that has happened before, i was drinking at home with my bf and got drunk and had a huge meltdown, started screaming at him so bad that the neighbours called the police. This has happened before, whether its at our home or outside, i have been screaming like a monster at him when we are outside also.

I feel so horrible, he says i am emotionally abusing him, which i am, i don't want to be this person, i want to change, i need to quote drinking but i feel i have done so much damage this will haunt me forever. Could use some encouraging words.

tufty13

Hi Tryig, welcome to SR,

You'll get plenty of support here from people that understand exactly what & how you're feeling.

Things may appear bad right now but the great news is you never, ever have to go through this again if you don't want to. :-)

mako

Hi Tryig, I know exactly how you feel, but I also know for sure that you can not cover damage by more damage, and also we all have done things we are not proud of, but there is always an opportunity to change our ways, and when we change our behaviour, slowly we forgive ourselves, just like we forgive others. If you continue drinking it can get worse, the things may get physical rather than just verbal, and it will be much harder then. So the time is now, you can do this, you can kick the beast and come out on top x

sadsadgirl

Hi tryig, your words resonate a lot to me. That fear that all the things you have done when you're drunk will be too hard to deal with sober. But if you're truly sick of it you can stop. This forum is a great resource for sobriety. All the hurt caused lessens with time. Be kind to yourself, put the drink down. Hydrate yourself today, eat food. You can make your amends to your partner. But it all takes time. You can do this.

Dee74

Welcome Tryig

I really really believe it's never too late to be who we should have been

So, what are you going to do about changing yourself and your life? any ideas on how you might stay sober, for example?

D

Tryig

Hi, thank you for your replies. To be honest i have limited by alcohol intake past few weeks and feeling more in charge, and yesterday i was actually craving more orange juice than wine but then my bf bought himself wine and i thought i can control myself this time so go a bottle for myself as well.. And everything still ended up as always.. I am more determined than ever that i CANT drink AT ALL, and i am actually scared to drink and i hate these feelings so i am sure they will help me stay sober.. At least for some time, have to think of a plan..

Dee74

I just posted these for someone else - they're a great place to start IMO

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

Berrybean

This realisation and acceptance that it's the first drink that does the damage is an great first step to recovery. Thing is, what I (and many other people) have found is that as well as the Alcoholic DRINKING, there is also the alcoholic THINKING (or perspective )to address. This is a big part of recovery. Dealing with our shame at past behaviours is also a big part of recovery. This is what the 12-step program of AA has really, massively helped me with. I can honestly say that I am generally much happier now than ever before. Less anxious and angry. More accepting of my own and others' imperfections. More able to live life of life's terms without raging against things, or spending all my energy trying to manipulate things so that everything gets done Berry's way.

If you don't want to check out AA or a 12-step program then perhaps reason round on threads about making a recovery program. This one of Dee's is a good one.... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html

Recovery programs aren't about stopping drinking as such. More about how we make sobriety comfortable, sustainable, and some day preferable to drinking (or reaching for other external comforters).

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

Tryig

Isn't it weird how i hate this feeling and nights like this passion, yet here i am again, wondering why am i in this position again, having vowed i would never return many, many times before? It gets scary and discouraging when i think like this but i have to stay positive.. appreciate all the messages, thanks!

ccam1973

Welcome Tryig. Bottom line, it is NEVER too late to make yourself better. A ton of us here spent years; decades for me; killing ourselves with alcohol. Yet, we have dug deep, made the decision to stop living in destruction and seriously committed to quit. It's a tough decision to make, but I promise, one that you won't regret. Life is so much better without the problems that alcohol brings with it.

You can do this, welcome aboard.

sadsadgirl

Hey tryig, but you can always come here and speak to us. We know what that merry go round is like. We're with you. What are you planning to do today?

Tryig

Yes well i have to force myself to eat, lately every time i drink and something horrible happens, i end up not eating for many days.. :/ also plan to take a walk.

sadsadgirl

Well that's a great plan! I'm the same as you whenever something bad happens cos of my drinking (which is every time). The walk will help blow the cobwebs out.

Tryig

Yes. I have to force myself to eat this time because i know it will make me feel better, mentally and physically. I don't know why, but i have been doing better and better, then i drink and all hell breaks lose and im in the bad place again. Why must i turn into a raging psycho when i drink. It is scary. I really really never want to become that person again.

Tonymblue

Been there. As my drinking progressed I would get verbally agressive. Yelling and screaming at my wife. This wasnt the real me. That is not the real you. Quittingwas the only thing that helped. Stay dry, eat some good food and get some good rest. Everything willing be alright.

ReadyAtLast

Hi tryig,
the only answer to this is never to drink again. You do not need to be this person. your bf sounds pretty understanding but if he is buying you wine maybe you need to explain to him to stop doing this.

A plan is a great idea and what to do when the cravings start or someone is tryng to persuade you to just have a couple. No matter who tries to get you to drink you don't have to. It's your body and you can put what you want into it.

As someone said it's the first drink that does the harm.

Your bf is aware of the emotional abuse. I've done this too and ime men don't stick around to put up with it for very long. I don't mean get sober for him - you have to do this for yourself but if you want your relationship to last then that's a good incentive too.

Anna

I can give you a quote from the brilliant Maya Angelou:

'I did then, what I knew how to do. Now I know better, I do better.'

Jade1224

Have you talked to your bf about your alcoholism? I found that helped me. My bf would get really mad because he had been coming home to a passed out gf. One that was drinking and driving. He rightfully worried about my safety.

I finally admitted I have a problem and he turned very supportive . I have tried to quit a few times since then. Tried moderation, etc. My bf has been upset with me a few times every time I relapse.

Your bf has a right to be mad but you can also have a serious talk with him about your problem and maybe he will be supportive. I find that it helps to have people in your corner. But you have to work to make changes too.

Thanks for joining the October class BTW!

Tryig

Hi. Well my bf also has alcohol problems but he doesn't getcagressive when he drinks. He drinks because of anxiety issues. His drinking has made me incredibly irrational, I can't take it. So in turn, when I drink, i start screaming and raging.

I want to find ways how to live my life that his drinking wouldn't bother me. I have to find activities for myself. And most of all, i have to stop the drinking. Moving out is not an option right now so things are very scary.

Gingerspice

I have been there, am there! I need to stop as I'm damaging my kids. I'm not there for them at night! Completely checked out! I need help! I didn't think I was an alcoholic, but my kids think I am .