bitter sweet day
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 56
I'm so sorry. 26 years is a really long time, and it's ok to grieve. My AH and I were together since highschool, and I spent my 20th anniversary alone this year, although at that time I was still hoping. It's really hard, it's like an unresolved grief, because they are still around, yet not...
Try to do something that makes you feel good today, if you can. I'm sorry, I'd post more but I have to leave for work. We're here though! Take care of you, and I'll be thinking of you.
Try to do something that makes you feel good today, if you can. I'm sorry, I'd post more but I have to leave for work. We're here though! Take care of you, and I'll be thinking of you.
Maia,
I am sorry. It hurts a lot to say goodbye to dreams that meant so much to us.
Feel your feelings and embrace them, as much as it hurts, it will actually help you to heal, and to clear your mind.
Just know that we are here, we understand, and will walk with you. Its very sad, I know. But you will find joy again...the sadness passes, and new things on your horizon will entice you to leave the sorrow behind, eventually, when its time. Be sure to take care of yourself, do things you love, and spend time with others, if you can.
You are not alone.
I am sorry. It hurts a lot to say goodbye to dreams that meant so much to us.
Feel your feelings and embrace them, as much as it hurts, it will actually help you to heal, and to clear your mind.
Just know that we are here, we understand, and will walk with you. Its very sad, I know. But you will find joy again...the sadness passes, and new things on your horizon will entice you to leave the sorrow behind, eventually, when its time. Be sure to take care of yourself, do things you love, and spend time with others, if you can.
You are not alone.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
But here's the thing. When you two took your vows 26 years ago, what was implicit in those vows was neither of you would do anything or introduce anything to compromise your marriage. Your AH didn't hold his end of that bargain up.
So you're doing what you have to do in order to be sane. That doesn't mean you have to like doing it, or that you won't be sad that you have to do it. Of course you're going to be sad.
Take extra care of you today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Thanks guys. I know that I am right with what I am doing, but it feels so wrong.
I really don't want this divorce, as none of us do, but he has to stop drinking to continue and he wont. 26 years ago I married my best friend, we also dated in high school Chicory. We have been together for 34 of my 50 years on this planet.
It is so hard, and he just moves on and parties like a rock star. We still live together, he goes out every night and comes home after I'm a sleep. Just wish he wasn't having so much "fun". Just so bummed that he doesn't feel the pain that I do.
It just sucks that I will love him forever and he is sick. The person I married is not the same man that he is now. I truly believe that, "that" man wouldn't have done to me what "this" man has done and put our family through.
Couple weeks to go to court and file the papers. Close on the house on November 12. Start of my "new" life.
I really don't want this divorce, as none of us do, but he has to stop drinking to continue and he wont. 26 years ago I married my best friend, we also dated in high school Chicory. We have been together for 34 of my 50 years on this planet.
It is so hard, and he just moves on and parties like a rock star. We still live together, he goes out every night and comes home after I'm a sleep. Just wish he wasn't having so much "fun". Just so bummed that he doesn't feel the pain that I do.
It just sucks that I will love him forever and he is sick. The person I married is not the same man that he is now. I truly believe that, "that" man wouldn't have done to me what "this" man has done and put our family through.
Couple weeks to go to court and file the papers. Close on the house on November 12. Start of my "new" life.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Just so bummed that he doesn't feel the pain that I do.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Maia,
I'm sorry you are feeling so much pain and those bittersweet memories...you are remembering the good times too. 26 years....Hugs! He's still in there, but he has a disease, a sickness.
Zoso is right, your husband DOES have feelings, might not want this divorce and is trying to numb those feelings, any feeling he is having. He likely is hurting too.
So you're going to live together? How are you feeling about that?
Hugs to you and I hope your pain dims as the days go by,
TF
I'm sorry you are feeling so much pain and those bittersweet memories...you are remembering the good times too. 26 years....Hugs! He's still in there, but he has a disease, a sickness.
Zoso is right, your husband DOES have feelings, might not want this divorce and is trying to numb those feelings, any feeling he is having. He likely is hurting too.
So you're going to live together? How are you feeling about that?
Hugs to you and I hope your pain dims as the days go by,
TF
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Twofish, we have been living separate lives for a while. In December I found out about his "inappropriate" relationship and that kind of clinched the deal.
We need to go to the court house to finalize the divorce and then close on the 12 of November and we will be on our own.
He called me 5 times today to discuss what something meant on our divorce decree. He had no idea how much in our little bit of investments. He is so lost. I need to have NC with him, but can't stand watching him suffer.
We need to go to the court house to finalize the divorce and then close on the 12 of November and we will be on our own.
He called me 5 times today to discuss what something meant on our divorce decree. He had no idea how much in our little bit of investments. He is so lost. I need to have NC with him, but can't stand watching him suffer.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Southeastern Michigan
Posts: 137
Sorry for the hurt you are feeling, Maia1234.
Maybe focus more on the "inappropriate" relationship and it will help you resolve to get on with your own life, and feel less sorry for him? Might help?
Maybe focus more on the "inappropriate" relationship and it will help you resolve to get on with your own life, and feel less sorry for him? Might help?
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
but can't stand watching him suffer.
Sounds cold, doesn't it? But what you need to be mindful of is he's made his choices, from using to "inappropriate" relationships. So now you have to make your choices, even if you find them difficult to make.
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