bitter sweet day
 

Today is my 26 year wedding anniversary.

Yesterday I signed a contract to sell my house, and received my final copy of my divorce decree.

So why am I so sad divorcing my ah?

I'm so sorry. 26 years is a really long time, and it's ok to grieve. My AH and I were together since highschool, and I spent my 20th anniversary alone this year, although at that time I was still hoping. It's really hard, it's like an unresolved grief, because they are still around, yet not...

Try to do something that makes you feel good today, if you can. I'm sorry, I'd post more but I have to leave for work. We're here though! Take care of you, and I'll be thinking of you.

Maia,

I am sorry. It hurts a lot to say goodbye to dreams that meant so much to us.

Feel your feelings and embrace them, as much as it hurts, it will actually help you to heal, and to clear your mind.

Just know that we are here, we understand, and will walk with you. Its very sad, I know. But you will find joy again...the sadness passes, and new things on your horizon will entice you to leave the sorrow behind, eventually, when its time. Be sure to take care of yourself, do things you love, and spend time with others, if you can.

You are not alone.:hug:

Because he's your husband, and on some level, you still love him.

But here's the thing. When you two took your vows 26 years ago, what was implicit in those vows was neither of you would do anything or introduce anything to compromise your marriage. Your AH didn't hold his end of that bargain up.

So you're doing what you have to do in order to be sane. That doesn't mean you have to like doing it, or that you won't be sad that you have to do it. Of course you're going to be sad.

Take extra care of you today.

Thanks guys. I know that I am right with what I am doing, but it feels so wrong.

I really don't want this divorce, as none of us do, but he has to stop drinking to continue and he wont. 26 years ago I married my best friend, we also dated in high school Chicory. We have been together for 34 of my 50 years on this planet.

It is so hard, and he just moves on and parties like a rock star. We still live together, he goes out every night and comes home after I'm a sleep. Just wish he wasn't having so much "fun". Just so bummed that he doesn't feel the pain that I do.

It just sucks that I will love him forever and he is sick. The person I married is not the same man that he is now. I truly believe that, "that" man wouldn't have done to me what "this" man has done and put our family through.

Couple weeks to go to court and file the papers. Close on the house on November 12. Start of my "new" life.

I would argue that he feels something much worse than you do. Which is why he's numbing himself. Whatever he's having, be certain that it's not fun.

Thanks Zoso, I needed to hear that he wasn't enjoying this. I do believe that he loves me, just loves the bottle more.
Thank you so Much!!

That was my thought , too maia. he is numbing the pain,, he's an alcoholic and sick. Don't take this as a statement of your worth, not for one second.

hugs.

Dear Maia,
I'm sorry you are feeling so much pain and those bittersweet memories...you are remembering the good times too. 26 years....Hugs! He's still in there, but he has a disease, a sickness.
Zoso is right, your husband DOES have feelings, might not want this divorce and is trying to numb those feelings, any feeling he is having. He likely is hurting too.
So you're going to live together? How are you feeling about that?
Hugs to you and I hope your pain dims as the days go by,
TF

Twofish, we have been living separate lives for a while. In December I found out about his "inappropriate" relationship and that kind of clinched the deal.

We need to go to the court house to finalize the divorce and then close on the 12 of November and we will be on our own.

He called me 5 times today to discuss what something meant on our divorce decree. He had no idea how much in our little bit of investments. He is so lost. I need to have NC with him, but can't stand watching him suffer.

Sorry for the hurt you are feeling, Maia1234.

Maybe focus more on the "inappropriate" relationship and it will help you resolve to get on with your own life, and feel less sorry for him? Might help?

So don't watch.

Sounds cold, doesn't it? But what you need to be mindful of is he's made his choices, from using to "inappropriate" relationships. So now you have to make your choices, even if you find them difficult to make.