sadgirl16

Missing him tonight even in all his sh*tyness, so hard missing someone even if they were bad to you, and the fact is we can't talk, there is a restraining order on him not to contact me, but even if we could it would be no good, all he would do is say sorry and I'd be right back where I was before.

So somehow I have to move on through the pain which I so don't feel like I can do, all the times we broke up before and I never allowed myself to fully feel the pain of not being with him, but it hurts, and I know I will get through it and I know I'll move on but right now I feel awful and it hurts like hell, thinking of the nice times breaks my heart, and how he could be so horrible and be so nice

How could he be so interested in the same spiritual things and then be that way, what was this connection about, the universe's idea of a good joke, I've had some rubbish relationship and I'm only 24, this one's worn me down, what have I left, not a lot at all, really not a lot left to give.

ladyscribbler

Big hugs to you. Do you journal at all? That helps me untangle my messy thoughts sometimes. Keep reading and posting, we're here for you.

sadgirl16

No I don't journal anymore, might be a good idea to start, maybe.. x

ladyscribbler

Treat yourself to a cool notebook and a pen with pretty colored ink. I've been way into purple lately. Just something cheerful about purple words on a page.

juskeepswimin

I'm totally right there with the idea of journaling. I think it's great. However, I always dismissed journaling before as I thought of it as being more of a history of my life where I would have to begin it with dear journal and account every detail of my day... That's exhausting, ha. When my bf was in rehab I just starting writing a few sentences here and there that stood out to me or crossed my mind that day. It really gave me a new perspective on journaling and helped me through times when I felt I missed him. It made me think deeper about my emotions and helped me to notice the obvious truths that I sometimes avoided. I also started writing a gratitude list every few days naming 5-10 things I was grateful for. I tried never to repeat either. It really make you think about all the wonderful things you have in your life right now. I too am weak when it comes to my aexbf. I found that having my family and friends back me up gives me the strength that I'm lacking at times. Try talking to someone you find close and keep yourself accountable to them.

sadgirl16

I just feel so stupid for crying over someone who threatened to hurt me, assaulted me, ruined my phone and my confidence, and that evening he wasn't even that drunk I mean he had drank, I should be angry or over him but I'm pining and feeling so sad, it's a strange mix of emotions.

juskeepswimin

I get it. My aexbf boyfriend treated me like crap too at times. Our head tells us no... Don't go back....but our heart is weak because we know what they are capable of and what we once loved so dearly. We accept the love that we think we deserve. Work on YOU and you will most likely find yourself realizing you don't need your exbf in your life anymore and that you deserve so much better. Give it time, you will look back and feel so much better in the longer run without him. Hugs!

CarryThatWeight

Sad Girl, what you are feeling is totally normal. Even if he was not good to you at times, there were other times that were good and times he met some of your needs. It is still a loss, and you will still need to grieve. Please don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. It takes time, and going through something like you are, it's literally one moment at a time. Just do the next right thing. Eat dinner. Do the dishes. Put one foot in front of the other and don't think about the future right now; the future isn't in our control. I would highly recommend Al Anon. It's not just a bunch of wives of alcoholics griping about their problems, I promise. It's really not about the alcoholics at all, it's about YOU. It has helped me so much. In fact, I don't live with active alcoholism right now, but I don't know what I'd do without it.

Lastly, 24 is young! You have plenty of time. No experience is a waste--you are learning a lot and you have a tremendous opportunity to grow from all this. We are here for you!

desypete

sitting here reading this i wonder to myself why would you want this person back in your life ?
then i remember my own cheating wife who gave me years of hell but i was never brave enough to kick her out and lead a life on my own

i think i was more scared of being alone that the love i had for her

the moment she broke that trust the relationship was dead forever it might of been saved if she was truely sorry and made sure it never happend again but sadly it did

so why hurt yourself anymore on a lost cause ?

in time you will feel much better out of this relationship than in it i know it doesnt feel like it right now but trust me in time things will heal for you

take care

littlesister1

Hey.....

Not stupid, not by a long shot.
It isn't as if you SOUGHT out to be treated this way
It's hard when illusions shatter, the aftershocks are very painful

Newsflash - you are reacting as any NORMAL human being would.....and that's ok!

HUGS!

ladyscribbler

I cried over my ex. The man he could have been, the relationship we could have had, the father he should be to our son. The heart does catch up to the head, it just takes awhile. No contact helps a lot. I have limited contact with my ex due to our son. Very limited.
He called a couple of weeks ago and told me he's getting the phone disconnected because the phone company is robbing him. Translation: I'd rather spend money on booze than have a telephone to stay in contact with my son. Just makes me sad.

hopeful4

Keep in mind, its alot the same as grieving as though someone has passed. Allow yourself to move through the stages and know there is light ahead!

Hugs!

Bellajack4

I'm sooo sorry you are going through this. Huggggggggg. It's ok to cry, you are grieving for the loss, loss of life that you thought you would have with him. You have to give yourself some time to heal. Fresh wound that went deep don't heal as quick but they do heal. Try really hard to make yourself think about other things or do other things so you don't stay in the pain all the time. I journaled in the beginning. Now I work a lot and thankful that keeps my mind busy and when I'm home I play Sudoko or Tetris or I come here. I also started going for long walks and looking at how beautiful and our world is. It's not easy, I still cry lots but I try to keep moving. Huggggggggggg. Talking it out or writing it out here helps too a lot.