KittyH

Hi everyone, this is my first post like this ever so bear with me. I have a million tales of how alcohol has affected my life but I guess I can just start with last night. I am a singer in a classic rock band and we recently had to replace our drummer which put us back in rehearsals again. We were having one last night and all day I just couldnt stop wanting a drink. I knew I shouldnt because I would surely be drinking during practice but that didnt stop me from wanting one and focusing on it from the time I got out of bed. So right around 1pm I gave in and poured a bourbon and coke. I thought that if I just sipped it and made sure not to have another too quickly, then I would be fine...... well that didnt last long. The first few drinks were an hour apart and then half an hour apart and then I stopped paying ANY attention to how many I was pouring. Then it was finally time for our practice and I was unaware that I was drunk. Our new drummer is a recovering alcoholic and doesnt drink which is just fine, or I thought that was how I felt about it. I guess I must hold some kind of animosity towards him or something because I wound up verbally attacking him for NO good reason. He left pretty angry and the first thing that I thought about this morning was "I just broke up my band!!" I wanted to throw up but not because of the hang over. I got online quickly and sent him a message. Fortunately for me he is a very nice guy and very understanding and he forgave my horrible behavior. I am just SO sick of being this selfish loser. I really want to stop drinking. Its ruining my health, my marriage, my family and my self esteem. I would be grateful for ANY advice or support. Thanks for reading, KittyH

ersatzmatriarch

hi kitty...

welcome to SR! you CAN start the road to recovery... and this happens to be a great place to start.

read around, post, ask questions. there are lots of different paths to sobriety (AA, AVRT, etc etc), and you'll find out about many of them here (check out the step forums and the secular forums)... then all you'll need to do is make your plan and start working it. no matter which path to recovery you choose, they all pretty much start the same... put down the drink for this 24 hours. then, do that again for the next 24 hours.

you never have to have a night like last night again. sending you some strength...

KittyH

Hi, thank you ersatzmatriarch, I appreciate you replying to me. I am just really sick and tired of myself right now and I have to do something to change ME.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

Ask your drummer what he did to recover.

ersatzmatriarch

yes... this!!!!

KittyH

Hi doggonecarl, I have once asked the drummer to tell me his story and he agreed but it was during practice and we didnt have time to talk. He forgot his Ipad last night and when he comes to pick it up, I plan to ask him about it

Anna

Take a look around here and choose a recovery path and stick to it.

Get rid of alcohol in your house and don't buy anymore.

If you are seriously motivated, you can do this.

KittyH

Hi Anna, yeah I know that that must be done. Its going to be difficult because we have our band practices here and my husband and bass player drink..... Yeah, thats gonna be hard

KittyH

Hey guys, I have been reading ALOT of posts on here (so thanks for those!!) and I keep finding the reference to "getting a plan". Other than AA (not religious) what kind of plans are there ?? I suppose I sound naive but I just dont want to miss out on something beneficial

ersatzmatriarch

check out the secular connections forum...

KittyH

Thanks ersatzmatriarch

KittyH

~~ Okay well that was quickly depressing

I was reading a post on "What you need to do to get sober".... (not the actual name of the thread)

and the 5th thing was
5. Avoid slippery places and activities (bars, parties, etc.)

I am a singer by profession and its one of the hardest things to rectify when I am not drinking. I am not the only person in my band and we all count on the extra income that we get from our gigs. My husband and I are putting my daughter thru college and we NEED that money. And when you are a singer you are being hired by bars.............

** Maybe this is just impossible I am really frustrated !!

apophylite

Hi Kitty,
I am new here too and on day 8. I had been drinking two bottles of wine a night and was sick of feeling mildy hungover every single day. I tried an AA meeting but found it a bit too steeped in religion (dont mean to offend anyone here!) so have just used this forum daily. Giving up the wine has been the best thing i have done, my relationship with my hubby is improving daily, i look better and i feel great. Take it a day at a time and soon you'll see sobriety rocks! Good luck x

doggonecarl

Sobriety is not impossible. But it is difficult. And made more difficult when the alcholic is unwilling to make the necessary changes to stay sober.

I'm not saying you have to break up the band. Your drummer is sober, so it can be done. However, the area most folks seem to struggle with is making the changes in their life that supports sobriety as the most important thing. They don't want to give up their social life--even when it involves bars and such. They don't want to give up their drinking friends. They aren't open to the various methods of recovery, limiting their chances of success. Or they forget the reason they are seeking recovery and decide they can control their drinking...this time.

Recovery from alcoholism (as opposed to abstinence from alcohol) means change. Big change. Death to the old life and acceptance of a whole new way to live, without alcohol.

I hope you are up to it.

KittyH

Hi apophylite, and thank you for your kind words. I sometimes feel like my singing has been the best thing in the world for me AND the worst. I was raised by a mother who worked bartending at night for extra money and often took my brother and me along for a few hours. I was literally raised in bars !! Crazy I know. Anyway I am just feeling confused and defeated and this is often the way it turns out everytime I try to quit......... ugh

KittyH

Hi doggonecarl, I completely agree with everything you are saying. I actually get much more satisfaction these days from my furniture "upcycling" than I do being on the stage singing. I often wish that I could just quit the band and focus on my crafts (especially at my advanced age). It just doesnt excite me that much anymore. I feel more trapped by it than anything else.

KittyH

<< Here it is getting into the late afternoon..... this is the time of day that my mind seems to tell me its time to drink. Fingers crossed and hoping to get thru it sober tonight

AugustWest11

530pm here & I should be in bed since I work at 11pm lol But as you see I am not; and earlier is when my Brain tells me take a shot or two so you can get some "rest" lol So I feel for ya; But I have fought that "voice" all the way through Day 29; so I know if I can, You can too Good Luck ...

Mountainmanbob

soberlicious

I know several musicians that are sober. I also know a longtime bouncer who is a nondrinker. I don't personally know a sober bartender, but I have met them here on SR. Your drummer is sober and he plays in bars, yes?

I don't believe in slippery places. When you get your sh*t dialed in and your mind free of alcohol, it doesn't matter where you go.

Best to you. I know how exhausting it can be to be caught in this endless cycle. You can break free and live happily without alcohol...millions do. I second checking out the secular section and alternative methods for quitting.

Ps...I'm an upcycler too, but I upcycle/recycle clothing...