1stthingsfirst

I need the advice/encouragement of fellow newbies. I was sober for three weeks, then had a huge slip-up of blackout proportions last night. I am sad for myself. I am just so very worried that I will never beat addiction.

Has anyone felt more and more depressed with each relapse? I just feel like I can't get myself out of it today.

RiverFriend

Hi 1stThings...Yep I feel your pain and fear on this one. I too start dreading that I may never be "better" but have accepted that I am an alcoholic whether I'm drinking or not. For me, it's been a bit easier for me to make a decision on recovery and move forward just knowing this simple truth. I can't offer much advice as I'm again back on Day 1, but try not think about forever right now and just think about today and the things you can do to make sure you don't drink. Perhaps a meeting if you feel you can't do this on your own? Perhaps some morning reflection and quiet time each day? These things have helped me.

ScottFromWI

Each relaps and detox can get progressively worse, but sounds as if you nipped this one in the bud today, right? You are here and not drinking - that's what matters most. Just about all of us have relaped multiple times.

You CAN quit and you WILL if you really want to. What kind of support are you getting locally? Perhaps it's time to ramp up the committment to both local help and SR? Best of luck and stay with us!

Nonsensical

Been there, done that. It gets better after a few days sober. The fog is lifting for me, and I can see the road ahead. Stay clean and strength comes.

Dee74

It's natural to feel sad and depressed after we drink again, and to fear we'll never get it.
Don't feed that tho.

You drank - it's unfortunate but it happens.

Look at what happened, ask yourself why, then think about what else you could have done instead.

Think about what you have been doing for your recovery - what else could you add? what other changes could you make to your life to make sobriety stick?

I really don't believe anyone is incapable of being sober - I think it really comes down to the effort we're prepared to put in

you can do this

D

sassu78

Oh yes. You're definitely not alone. I tried to quit so many times. Sometimes for few days, sometimes for weeks. Everytime I slipped I felt worse than the time before. The withdrawals were getting worse as well. But I was ok to deal with the physical pain but the mental side...I hated myself so much!!! I felt depressed. I didn't know how to live with myself. I couldn't understand how I had turned into this horrible person...

But every day sober you'll start feeling better. You need to understand that you're sick. You need to forgive you and start taking care of you. All the negativity will just drive you back to the bottle...
You did amazing with being three weeks sober! If you stop now your withdrawals shouldn't be that bad. Just don't take the first drink and you will be fine

gmanriley

Hey 1stthings,
You can and WILL do this, we are all rooting for you.
Be strong.

Mrbeagle

The first few days are always the worst. I was in a total state yesterday. I'm a 6ft guy who never really shows much emotion on the outside and there I was blabbering to my girlfriend all day. A combination of drinking with my anti depressants, and also the utter shame and disappointment I felt that i'd caved. With regards to them getting worse i'm not too wise to comment on that one as im still only in my early twenties, but so far they've all been utter hell I know that for sure.

As Dee says absolutely anybody can and deserves to be sober, you just gotta get that combination of 'checks and balances' in order. You had 3 weeks, you can do it again, and for longer

EverySngleNight

Warning; pep talk alert!!
Saddle up! You gotta pick yourself up and dust off. Keep fighting the good fight. I'm on round 5,584 ;-) (and day 4) we have to persevere...for our lives.

It's SO hard. I'm sorry for what you're going through. Sometimes in that state, all the encouragement in the world can feel useless. BUT you're not hopeless or helpless. You made 3 weeks! Keep trying. And please keep posting. It means so much to all of us to share our ups and downs. Make a comeback.. Inspire! x

1stthingsfirst

I just don't think AA or 12-step will work for me. I wish it would, so my meetings and support will have to be online. I am using AVRT and it encourages total and complete abstinence. I don't know why I reached for a bottle instead of coming online here when I felt the urge yesterday. I wish I did not make that mistake.

Riverfriend, hope your sobriety sticks this time, too. It is no fun feeling this bad.

britgirl

Thanks for sharing this. I really feel for you as I know how difficult the post slip self punishment can be. I'm sure it's something that every addict has felt way more than once but please don't let this slip become a week, a month or any kind of full on relapse, tell yourself how well you did staying sober in the first place, forgive yourself and start again one day at a time. You can do this, we all can. Wishing you well x

1stthingsfirst

Thanks Britgirl,

The self-punishment today is really hard. It just gets harder with each relapse. I will not be drinking today, tomorrow or the days after. I don't want this to be part of my personality. I hate the way I act when I drink. It will be hard to forgive myself, but I will trudge along.

BowTiesAreCool

I know how you feel! Keep strong!