Hi 1stThings...Yep I feel your pain and fear on this one. I too start dreading that I may never be "better" but have accepted that I am an alcoholic whether I'm drinking or not. For me, it's been a bit easier for me to make a decision on recovery and move forward just knowing this simple truth. I can't offer much advice as I'm again back on Day 1, but try not think about forever right now and just think about today and the things you can do to make sure you don't drink. Perhaps a meeting if you feel you can't do this on your own? Perhaps some morning reflection and quiet time each day? These things have helped me.