Lily1918

Im a total codie, but I don't want to be anymore. so well, my question is have any of you felt love and hate for your loved ones at the same time? I mean hate that they stand between you and the drug, but love them for doing it? I can't pretend to understand what my loved one is saying, but basically he was counting on me to cover for him, and when I didn't he said this to me. so I was just wondering what an outside perspective is. thanks everyone

liv1ce

As an addict I know that side well. I have never been on the other side.

The relationship between an addict and his drug is complex yet simple. He wants it, will do or say anything to get it and will resent anyone or anything that stands or tries to stand in between. He will hide, lie, cheat, steal and manipulate others to get it and cover up the fact that addiction exists even to himself.

What you were told may be true for him at the moment but may be a reaction to something he didn't like. An addict will try to manipulate his environment by saying whatever seems to accomplish the objective - getting the drug.

I do believe that emotions being what they are that a person can love another and yet the frustrations and consequences of the relationship can lead to some pretty strong negative emotions on both sides.

Lily1918

I appreciate your opinion thank you for helping me understand.

finaltime

I am also on the other side. I think now back to how was that 7 years while on heavy meds, and don't like I became over time, and who I was especially in that last year. I was brutal to some of my family members, and very hard on most of them, because of my guilt. I was functional, kept my teaching job, and still put on a good face to the public eye, but inside I didn't care, I just cared about the drug. I pulled it off with my family, nobody knew I was using for the last 3 years. However, my hubby knew, but didn't know for sure. I am so glad he finally said it was him/kid or the drug. Him threatening to leave and take our daughter made me stop. Even now he doesn't trust me at times, treats me like a child, asks me questions, but I know I deserve it, and wouldn't want it any other way. When an addict is using though, their thoughts are controlled by the drug. Some people never get off, the disease takes them. My mom is like that, she will always substitute one drug for the next, and lie like crazy so she can continue. Its a tough tough road, I am sorry you are dealing with this.

eveleivibe

Just read your title NO ONE IS GOING TO RIP YOU APART. You are so harsh on yourself sometimes. I'll read your post n comment x

FatallyUncool

I'm not clear on what happened with you, but my answer is yes, I hate and love my alcoholic at the same time. I also am angry at him, feel sad for him, and appreciate a lot of wonderful things he has done for me.

Windancer

Oh i can relate. i can remember being so angry with my ex and parents for not "just letting me drink". oh boy how foolish was i. and i love my parents and ex very much.
So you are not alone in your feelings.
And, no one is gonna rip you apart silly

DejaVu2

I think a love / hate relationship is pretty normal.
I've been in the addict position (now recovering) and my husband is currently an addict so I've been on both sides. Felt the love/hate in each situation. It's hard to really understand it though.

I hated everything that was in my way but at the same time so thankful for it. But it caused a lot of stress. I was happy but figured it'd be easier if everyone left me alone to do what I wanted.

Now with me and my husband. I don't know how much he resents me for stopping him as much as I can but I know he is thankful for it too. That's what I focus on. We work through all the other issues.

Maylie

I have been on both sides, the addict and the loved one of an addict.

Addiction is complicated and I know for sure that my boyfriend hated me when I said no to getting that deal he found from his dealer, but after the craving stopped and a long time of talking went by he loved me for stopping him.

And on the other side, I have hated the person stopping me from using, but then the next day been thankful that they stopped me.

Even with me and my boyfriend both in recovery a craving can still cause mixed emotions. Addictions takes over our reasoning skills and the ability to see and deal with reality, hence why emotions are flying all over the place.

Lily1918

Haha that made me rofl! I meant tough love.

Lily1918

Thanks everyone for being so honest I know I can't stop him. but I can't lie for him either.