I am also on the other side. I think now back to how was that 7 years while on heavy meds, and don't like I became over time, and who I was especially in that last year. I was brutal to some of my family members, and very hard on most of them, because of my guilt. I was functional, kept my teaching job, and still put on a good face to the public eye, but inside I didn't care, I just cared about the drug. I pulled it off with my family, nobody knew I was using for the last 3 years. However, my hubby knew, but didn't know for sure. I am so glad he finally said it was him/kid or the drug. Him threatening to leave and take our daughter made me stop. Even now he doesn't trust me at times, treats me like a child, asks me questions, but I know I deserve it, and wouldn't want it any other way. When an addict is using though, their thoughts are controlled by the drug. Some people never get off, the disease takes them. My mom is like that, she will always substitute one drug for the next, and lie like crazy so she can continue. Its a tough tough road, I am sorry you are dealing with this.