Rubysoho

Hi
I'm 8 weeks sober now. And I'm having ups and downs, but recently I've been doing ok.
I'm working through some questions with a friend which is a guide to step 1 of AA.

I'm stuck on a questions:
'How did you know that 'now' was the time you needed to quit?'

I didn't really have a rock bottom. I've put my life in danger so often. I had what I would call my 'rock bottom' last summer, but then I carried on drinking for 1 year afterwards. I don't know why 'now' I have decided to quit. My body stopped being able to cope with the booze and pills. I was in pain all the time, I was a mess. But even so, I was like that for a while before I decided to change. I only grudgingly went for an assessment thinking, I can always change my mind. In the end my body made my decision for me, I was so so ill all the time. I couldn't even walk for 10 minutes (I was 27 8 weeks ago, so that's obviously not a good level of health). If I could have carried on drinking I would still be drinking. I know I would have ended up in a box, but it's the truth.
So I'm finding this question really really hard.

Does anyone have a similar experience, or reason for quitting? I think my reason is quite flimsy, and I probably need a stronger reason?

Thanks for your help x

tomsteve

i think you answered the question.

fallingtogether

It sounds to me like you are searching for answer that is going to please other people when you are asked why you quit. If your body couldn't take it, then in reality it was a situation of life or death. Nothing flimsy at all about that.

Oh, and this isn't a one size fits all journey. Your recovery is yours only. There are no right or wrong answers.

Rossy

I am starting to wonder myself what the point of quitting is.

Dee74

I don't think a bottom necessarily needs to be an event - I drank my way through and past events that would have been wake up moments for smarter people...

I think it can be the moment when we decide we simply can't live that way anymore, Ruby

D

bbthumper

The Big Book gives us two alternatives to face if we are an alcoholic of the type to which the 1st step applies.

1. Go on to the bitter end, blotting out the conciousness of our intolerable situation the best we can.

or

2. Accept spiritual help

In another spot it gives us the same alterantives in different terms

1. To be doomed to an alcoholic death

or

2. Live on a spiritual basis

So, I would say if you believe that the 1st step is true for you and you are not fond of the idea of dying an alcoholic death, you've got yourself a good reason to quit.

Bottom line of the first step- I will drink no matter what unless I get help. And for an alcoholic of my type, to drink is to die.

Hope you get some clarity here on SR. Best wishes to you.

Weasel1966

For me "now" came when every version of "later" i could think of was tragic.

I simply needed hope back.

Rubysoho

Thanks everyone. It's good to know that those reasons are ok. I like I was getting hung up on the idea that it had to be an 'event'. I feel so stupid cos I've had so many wake-up calls that I ignored, I've hurt myself and other people so much. In my head that should have been enough to get me to stop. I'm grateful that I have stopped, but I feel like it was a long time coming and I wish I hadn't ignored the many many warnings I've had in the past. And I wish my family, friends and husband had been enough for me to stop drinking. but I guess I got there in the end!

Rossy, I have days like that. I'm sorry to hear that you're having a rough time. I've just come back from feeling like that for 3 weeks. I think the best thing you can do is stay active, keep in touch with people, and look after yourself. I wish you all the best.

Thanks everyone, you rule!

MIRecovery

My story is similar to yours except I experienced accute withdrawl by accident. In reality it was everything. I simply could not continue the way I was. I was physically, morally, and mentally failing apart. Alcohol and drugs ruled all of my waking hours and I just could not stand it anymore.

You bottom is your bottom so do not compare. Only you know the hell your life had become

Dan Dare

I didn't plan on it. I just felt bored and needed a change. I was drinking and it was bringing me to a dark place.
It's been a rough 2 years, death and sickness in family, job loss, etc.
I was sleeping terribly and was waking up every day feeling horrific.
I felt like a puppet.
I figured the first thing I could try in the pursuit of feeling better was get rid of the poison.
The first 4 days were horrible.
One thing is for certain... if you go back to drinking, eventually you're gonna have to deal with the withdrawals. It's the worst.

serious

I don't think you need any reason to quit. Also, it doesn't have to have a negative connotation either. What about simply being healthy? Is that a reason to quit?

And I would say your list is pretty solid, if that's what you are after (from your own words):
- I've put my life in danger so often.
- My body stopped being able to cope with the booze and pills.
- I was in pain all the time, I was a mess.
- ... I was so so ill all the time
- I couldn't even walk for 10 minutes (I was 27 8 weeks ago, so that's obviously not a good level of health).
- I've had so many wake-up calls that I ignored, I've hurt myself and other people so much.

I don't know for sure, but it sounds like a list of very good reasons to quit. I hope you don't want to add things like: going to jail, DUI, actually hurting someone, losing a job, family, friends... those things would eventually come around as well.

It certainly doesn't "click" on day one, but you've done an amazing job of quitting and being sober for 8 weeks. I would say you should keep up the great job, see how you feel in 2 more months.
Do you feel that your health is improving? Do you see positive changes, maybe small ones happening in your life?

MIRecovery

One thing I like to say is, "The longer I am sober the drunker I was." It is not until you have something to compare it to that you realize what a total mess your alcoholic life was.

Healthyfood

Rubysoho

'How did you know that 'now' was the time you needed to quit?'

I drunk 2 bottles of wine every day. That sounds horrible. I quit because I started to realized that I needed more than 2 bottles. That day I decided to quit, because I just could not cope with the thoughts of buying 3 bottles.

mrsmiley1235

Sobriety Is Great! It's a better way of life then using drugs.

choublak

The fact that you're wondering where and what your bottom is supposed to be, seems like a rock bottom in and of itself, don't you think?

Rubysoho

Thank you guys so much!
Serious, when you put my comments in a list, it really seems more extreme than it does in my head. That made me get some perspective.
Thank you every one for sharing your experiences with me. I was feeling like I needed one specific reason to get better. But it sounds like I'm not the only one that was just tired of fighting the same old fight every day. This isn't the first time I've quit. The first time I was 21 and I knew then. At 27 my situation was much much worse. When people say alcoholism and addiction is progressive I can really relate to that. This time round withdrawal was really bad even though I was on a detox, the addictive brain has been driving me mad! I know that it's going to be much worse if I start again. So I'm trying to live in the day, easier said than done!

This forum has helped me so much. I really appreciate your support x

Threshold

Hmm...is it the "drama queen" tendency of addicts to feel we need a huge reason to quit?

I mean, why do we need some earth shattering, staggering, crushing, monumental "NOW" moment?

We start and stop all sorts of other things in our lives without much ado...hobbies, friendships, habits, etc. We get bored, or find a new interest, or whatever...

but when it comes to our DOC? It's a whole nother story. Maybe THAT is the most telling thing? Why do we feel we need to be convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that we won't ingest this one thing?

Some of us fight to the DEATH, trying to convince ourselves and others that we don't NEED to quit...