Thank you guys so much!
Serious, when you put my comments in a list, it really seems more extreme than it does in my head. That made me get some perspective.
Thank you every one for sharing your experiences with me. I was feeling like I needed one specific reason to get better. But it sounds like I'm not the only one that was just tired of fighting the same old fight every day. This isn't the first time I've quit. The first time I was 21 and I knew then. At 27 my situation was much much worse. When people say alcoholism and addiction is progressive I can really relate to that. This time round withdrawal was really bad even though I was on a detox, the addictive brain has been driving me mad! I know that it's going to be much worse if I start again. So I'm trying to live in the day, easier said than done!
This forum has helped me so much. I really appreciate your support x