lizatola

My AH is the king of sarcasm. Anyone else know someone whose sarcasm is just so engrained in their personality that you'd not recognize them if they didn't use it as part of their communication tools?

Last night AH called me and I happened to be on the phone with my sister. She is 8 years younger than me and is currently separated from her husband who is not an addict but has some serious issues and is now living with girlfriend number 1 but has gf number 2 in the wings. He has lost his job and blown up his cars' engine(rendering it irreparable) in just the past 3 months! Her husband takes selfishness to a WHOLE NUTHER LEVEL, LOL! Anyway, my AH hates her husband although I find they have more in common than my AH would ever agree with. So, I called him back and told him I had been on the phone. He asked to whom. So, I told him my sister. His first response was, "So, is she pregnant yet?" "Did she let the a**shole back in yet?" UGH! He says this ALL THE TIME! He knows my sister is extremely codependent on this guy and has taken him back in the past and then got pregnant so he thinks she's fair game, I guess. Well, I didn't take it well and when he chuckled at his own comment I said, "I didn't find that funny." He sobered up real quick, but of course had to add, "Well, I did." UGH, UGH, and more UGH!

I chose to change the subject and make it a quick conversation but his sarcasm just sends me over the edge. It's all a part of how he's better than every body else so we need to pick apart their weaknesses and tearing them down is so much fun, right? Blech.

CeciliaV

Bleh and UGH indeed! It's so much easier to focus on other people's issues than your own. Deflect, deflect, deflect! Many people are guilty of this behavior, but A's bring it up a notch (or seventeen).

LaTeeDa

So much for those pleasant ten-minute conversations, huh?

L

dandylion

I always think of sarcasm as HOSTILITY'S ugly cousin.

dandylion:rotfxko

transformyself

yep, I am actively banning sarcasm from my household and my kids vocabulary while they're still in my house.

It's passive aggressive and sideways anger and never ever makes anything better, except the ego of the damaged person delivering it.

Chris1000101

Something I see that I have experienced is it was ok until they knew who was on the phone. My X and a couple of As use to give me crap about the phone and who I was talking to. Maybe I am over compensating today but I do not share who I am on the phone with unless I want to. If they ask, I ignore them it is none of their business.

lizatola

Of course, as long as I go along with everything and don't rock the boat all our conversations are pleasant. Hey, at least I have pretty flowers to look at, LOL!

pinkdog

My marriage counselor said "sarcasm is not humor..it's hostility". My ex would say mean things and then say "just joking'. The marriage counselor said I didn't deserve it. Thank God for that marriage counselor. She gave me the support to move on. Hugs to you.

lizatola

So true. My AH always says I can't take a joke and that I'm too sensitive. Love the way it always becomes my problem, too. He now says he's too afraid to talk to me because I can't handle his sarcasm and wit so why bother to communicate with me.

Justfor1

If he keeps driving on his suspended license sooner or later he will get caught. Then it will be back to Sheriff Joe's jail wearing the pink slippers & living outside.

transformyself

omg what a twisted mess.

Thanks for reminding me. I'm SO much happier and productive then when I'm not listening to, trying to defend myself against or understand or engaging with this very typical alcoholic madness. It leaves me desperate, reacting to my abandonment issues and truly unable to take care of myself, be a good mother or a contributing member of society.


Think about what you can do with your life, in your life, without the wasted time spent on this *****.

ConeyIslandHigh

Why, what ever do you mean? Sarcasm? What sarcasm? LMAO!

It's relentless and drives me positively batty!

suki44883

Do I detect a bit of sarcasm here?

lizatola

Why yes, my dear, I believe it was! Hey, I learned from the best!

dandylion

Dear Liz, you mentioned "not rocking the boat" in this post. I'm almost sure that you mentioned in a former post that one of the things you did in your family of origin was to be careful to not rock the boat. Am I right on this?

I wonder if there is a connection?

dandylion.

lizatola

No need to wonder, it's part of my nature. My dad always told me to shut up and that my opinion was never valid. If I chose to 'rock the boat' there was always a price. I have practiced the same thing in my marriage. Always avoiding conflict for fear of retaliation or being shut out or of being ignored because I was always shut out and ignored as a child. The only way to keep the emotional connection with AH (as twisted and unhealthy as it was/is) is to just NOT ROCK THE BOAT. Lately, he hasn't really been liking it when I hold to my own thoughts and beliefs. At one point during a fight, he told me, "So, where's this 'I am woman hear me roar crap?" "Aren't you supposed to be sticking up for yourself?"
It's infuriating! I think my biggest problem is that I feel like I need to conquer this challenge with him and prove that I can stand up for myself and I think that's one of the reasons why I still stick around. Like I have to prove to myself that I can change and that I can turn my will over to my Higher Power, etc. Guess I have this sick mentality that says, "Might as well practice it with him because he's giving you great practice. There can't possibly be anybody as selfish and caustic as him, right?" And, no I'm not being sarcastic here, either, LOL!

dandylion

Dear Liz, have you ever wondered if you are emotionally bound to your husband because it might be a way of trying to "fix" the unresolved childhood conflict in your relationship with your father? Just spitballing....

dandylion

jessiec

I noticed my XABF loved to talk about his alcoholic mess of a cousin (30, no job, no car, no driver's license because of DUIs, living with mom, no life and a ton of medical issues brought on by drinking). I guess them focusing on other people's problems make theirs seem not so bad.

lizatola

Yep, yep, yep. I am working with my therapist on this one big time right now. No need to spitball, I figured this out years ago but was too afraid to even address it. My dad has passed away a few months ago and shortly before he passed I realized that I needed to work on a lot of things. He wasn't a bad man, and I know he loved his kids, but he was emotionally unavailable and very selfish. He kept a box of porn under the stairs in the basement and my sister found them when she was 9(they weren't hidden very well) and I got addicted to reading it after school when I was 16. My dad became an alcoholic and escaped to the bars and to the firehouse(he was a volunteer firefighter) when he wanted to get away. My mom said recently that when she asked him for a divorce that he acted like he didn't even realize there was anything wrong. My AH is the same way: "What do you mean we have problems? Everything's fine. You're overreacting, it's not that bad."

If you saw what I posted about my sister, we have both come to realize how our marriages are our ill attempts to fulfill what we couldn't fix about daddy. If you think I'm codependent, she takes it to a higher level and she knows it. She took her husband back last winter when he gave her an STD while she was pregnant!!!! And, she still thought she could save her marriage and kept him around. It took HIM leaving for her to wake up and realize what an a** he really is and she still sometimes talks about reconciliation(which makes my skin crawl, quite frankly). Anyway, we're both messed up but we're both encouraging each other in our journeys of self exploration now and I'm learning so much about myself. The question is; how am I going to move forward? What is my Higher Power's will for me? I pray daily for that guidance and for that courage to change.

dandylion

Dear liz, I have always heard that when you are in the middle of the stream, pray to God, but row like hell for the shore.

dandylion