Changed locks-suggestions on how to tell him
Changed locks-suggestions on how to tell him
For those who don't know, my axbf moved out Mon. night. He took off in the middle of packing without a word and texted me as I was going to bed that he was at his uncles. I knew that meant he was getting weed before leaving for his Mom's. I didn't wait to say goodbye (would have if he didn't take off) and we haven't spoken since.
I have had the most peaceful week, been off work since Tuesday afternoon and dreading his 'return' which is either tomorrow or Monday. Although I've taken precautions to change the lock to the apartment,the basement is still accessible so he can get his things without me being here. Right now, he thinks he can still come to the apartment and when he left, he wasn't happy when I told him I wanted to move things into the basement.
What I am agonizing over is what to say. I plan on texting him tomorrow because I don't want to get in an arguement on the phone and it's better to let him know than for him to come here, not be able to get in, and flip out. That wouldn't be fair to the girl who lives downstairs and it also makes me nervous what he might do.
Is there any constructive way to let him know what I did without sending him into a rage or is it futile and I should just get it over with?
I have had the most peaceful week, been off work since Tuesday afternoon and dreading his 'return' which is either tomorrow or Monday. Although I've taken precautions to change the lock to the apartment,the basement is still accessible so he can get his things without me being here. Right now, he thinks he can still come to the apartment and when he left, he wasn't happy when I told him I wanted to move things into the basement.
What I am agonizing over is what to say. I plan on texting him tomorrow because I don't want to get in an arguement on the phone and it's better to let him know than for him to come here, not be able to get in, and flip out. That wouldn't be fair to the girl who lives downstairs and it also makes me nervous what he might do.
Is there any constructive way to let him know what I did without sending him into a rage or is it futile and I should just get it over with?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
how about...your stuff is in the basement (i hope there isn't anything else he can take of yours down there or any damage that he can do) and i have changed the locks to the apartment. please come and get your things. hope you are well, and i wish you the best. goodbye.
or i have changed the locks to stop crazy zombies from trying to get in. the basement locks are still the same and that is where your stuff is. beware of the zombies when you get your stuff.
or i have changed the locks to stop crazy zombies from trying to get in. the basement locks are still the same and that is where your stuff is. beware of the zombies when you get your stuff.
Jody, I actually like both - the first is direct and takes the focus off of why I changed the locks. And the second made me 'laugh out loud' so hopefully at the very least, something like that would catch him off guard, lol
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
i actually liked the zombie one myself...was giggling to myself while i wrote it. but basically don't put any energy into telling him why you changed them, if you feel the need to say something, just say it, and move onto the next task. don't get drawn into the drama of it all. let him own that, and you can then think of the zombies eating what is left of his brain.
I am terrified of zombies. In the event of an outbreak, I'd like to take over the nearest Costco and have it lock down inside with my family. There's enough food inside + a pharmacy. The warehouse setting with the metal doors and gate will help too.
movies like 28 days later, 28 weeks later, dawn of the dead seriously freak me out.
We should stay away from Addicts like we would from Zombies.
movies like 28 days later, 28 weeks later, dawn of the dead seriously freak me out.
We should stay away from Addicts like we would from Zombies.
Hopeful,
Will you be home when he comes? If so, is it possible to have a friend there with you when he comes? Do you have any guy friends or couple girlfriends to keep you company?
Will you be home when he comes? If so, is it possible to have a friend there with you when he comes? Do you have any guy friends or couple girlfriends to keep you company?
There is a priceless line from the new film out (called 'Oxymorons'--about the OxyContin
epidemic).
Two cops are walking through a drug den.The addicts shooting up /snorting/nodding are apparently unaware of their presence....when one says to the
other "They are so messed up they don't even know we are here", to which the second
one replies....."they're like f-ing zombies!"
(hard line to forget)
epidemic).
Two cops are walking through a drug den.The addicts shooting up /snorting/nodding are apparently unaware of their presence....when one says to the
other "They are so messed up they don't even know we are here", to which the second
one replies....."they're like f-ing zombies!"
(hard line to forget)
Thank you all for responding and the zombie conversation was entertaining!
I'd keep it simple.. Changed the locks... your stuff is is the basement..( just so he knows this is final) Wish you well. Then stick to it. Don't talk to him.. EVen if you are home., he can't get in the apartment, right? Don't let him in. Is he violent? Are you afraid of him?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 47
It's funny (in a macabre sort of way), I always thought zombies were the perfect analogy for addicts. Your loved one is dead, concerned only with acquiring their DOC, flesh, and there is no point in reasoning with them because they will either eat you or turn you into one of them! The best and only thing to do is protect yourself at all cost. Ok, not really very funny, but surprisingly accurate.
as Joe Friday used to say in Dragnet (aging myself here.....) "all we want are just the facts, ma'am".
Short, sweet, to the point. I'm learning that no one seems to be too interested in the why's of what I am doing. They already know why.
Short, sweet, to the point. I'm learning that no one seems to be too interested in the why's of what I am doing. They already know why.
First things first: Is he on the lease or mortgage? If so, you can't legally do this - he is entitled to stay there and if you want him out you have to take the legal action to get him out. This is true even if you paid 100% of all the bills.
Even if everything is in your name, in some (if not all) states if he can prove residency (drivers license, voters registration, etc.) then you still have give him 30 day notice, you can't lock him out.
Time to talk to a lawyer.
Even if everything is in your name, in some (if not all) states if he can prove residency (drivers license, voters registration, etc.) then you still have give him 30 day notice, you can't lock him out.
Time to talk to a lawyer.
I'd keep it simple.. Changed the locks... your stuff is is the basement..( just so he knows this is final) Wish you well. Then stick to it. Don't talk to him.. EVen if you are home., he can't get in the apartment, right? Don't let him in. Is he violent? Are you afraid of him?
No, he's not violent and I'm not afraid of him but it's been soooo long since I've felt at peace that I am afraid of the drama and with how unreasonable he is and how entitled he feels, I just don't want to be around if I don't have to.
It's funny (in a macabre sort of way), I always thought zombies were the perfect analogy for addicts. Your loved one is dead, concerned only with acquiring their DOC, flesh, and there is no point in reasoning with them because they will either eat you or turn you into one of them! The best and only thing to do is protect yourself at all cost. Ok, not really very funny, but surprisingly accurate.
First things first: Is he on the lease or mortgage? If so, you can't legally do this - he is entitled to stay there and if you want him out you have to take the legal action to get him out. This is true even if you paid 100% of all the bills.
Even if everything is in your name, in some (if not all) states if he can prove residency (drivers license, voters registration, etc.) then you still have give him 30 day notice, you can't lock him out.
Time to talk to a lawyer.
Even if everything is in your name, in some (if not all) states if he can prove residency (drivers license, voters registration, etc.) then you still have give him 30 day notice, you can't lock him out.
Time to talk to a lawyer.
Hopefully, he knows it's time to move on.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
It's funny (in a macabre sort of way), I always thought zombies were the perfect analogy for addicts. Your loved one is dead, concerned only with acquiring their DOC, flesh, and there is no point in reasoning with them because they will either eat you or turn you into one of them! The best and only thing to do is protect yourself at all cost. Ok, not really very funny, but surprisingly accurate.
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