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Changed locks-suggestions on how to tell him

Old 07-07-2012, 08:20 PM
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Changed locks-suggestions on how to tell him

For those who don't know, my axbf moved out Mon. night. He took off in the middle of packing without a word and texted me as I was going to bed that he was at his uncles. I knew that meant he was getting weed before leaving for his Mom's. I didn't wait to say goodbye (would have if he didn't take off) and we haven't spoken since.

I have had the most peaceful week, been off work since Tuesday afternoon and dreading his 'return' which is either tomorrow or Monday. Although I've taken precautions to change the lock to the apartment,the basement is still accessible so he can get his things without me being here. Right now, he thinks he can still come to the apartment and when he left, he wasn't happy when I told him I wanted to move things into the basement.

What I am agonizing over is what to say. I plan on texting him tomorrow because I don't want to get in an arguement on the phone and it's better to let him know than for him to come here, not be able to get in, and flip out. That wouldn't be fair to the girl who lives downstairs and it also makes me nervous what he might do.

Is there any constructive way to let him know what I did without sending him into a rage or is it futile and I should just get it over with?
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Old 07-07-2012, 08:28 PM
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how about...your stuff is in the basement (i hope there isn't anything else he can take of yours down there or any damage that he can do) and i have changed the locks to the apartment. please come and get your things. hope you are well, and i wish you the best. goodbye.

or i have changed the locks to stop crazy zombies from trying to get in. the basement locks are still the same and that is where your stuff is. beware of the zombies when you get your stuff.
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Old 07-07-2012, 08:34 PM
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Jody, I actually like both - the first is direct and takes the focus off of why I changed the locks. And the second made me 'laugh out loud' so hopefully at the very least, something like that would catch him off guard, lol
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Old 07-07-2012, 10:45 PM
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I like the zombie one, lmao. you should add in that you're sleeping with one of the zombie's, just to mess with him.
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Old 07-07-2012, 11:14 PM
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i actually liked the zombie one myself...was giggling to myself while i wrote it. but basically don't put any energy into telling him why you changed them, if you feel the need to say something, just say it, and move onto the next task. don't get drawn into the drama of it all. let him own that, and you can then think of the zombies eating what is left of his brain.
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Old 07-07-2012, 11:29 PM
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I am terrified of zombies. In the event of an outbreak, I'd like to take over the nearest Costco and have it lock down inside with my family. There's enough food inside + a pharmacy. The warehouse setting with the metal doors and gate will help too.

movies like 28 days later, 28 weeks later, dawn of the dead seriously freak me out.

We should stay away from Addicts like we would from Zombies.
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Old 07-07-2012, 11:30 PM
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i want a pet zombie like Shawn of the dead ended up with....how cool would that be. no need to change the locks then....just let loose your pet zombie on the addict in your life.
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Old 07-08-2012, 12:09 AM
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I'd give just the facts, nothing more.
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Old 07-08-2012, 12:14 AM
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Hopeful,

Will you be home when he comes? If so, is it possible to have a friend there with you when he comes? Do you have any guy friends or couple girlfriends to keep you company?
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Old 07-08-2012, 12:20 AM
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I would go with the first one it is sort and direct and like you said takes the focus off why

I was lol @ the zombie one it is entertaining for us but who knows how he would respond to that.
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Old 07-08-2012, 06:39 AM
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There is a priceless line from the new film out (called 'Oxymorons'--about the OxyContin
epidemic).

Two cops are walking through a drug den.The addicts shooting up /snorting/nodding are apparently unaware of their presence....when one says to the
other "They are so messed up they don't even know we are here", to which the second
one replies....."they're like f-ing zombies!"


(hard line to forget)
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Old 07-08-2012, 06:49 AM
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I'd just go with 'I've changed the locks. Your stuff is in the basement, please come and collect it'.
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Old 07-08-2012, 07:18 AM
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stop the expectations of it all....not worth the time or energy...JUST DO IT...

CONGRATS on living alone!!!
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Old 07-08-2012, 08:04 AM
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Originally Posted by oooopps View Post
Hopeful,

Will you be home when he comes? If so, is it possible to have a friend there with you when he comes? Do you have any guy friends or couple girlfriends to keep you company?
I'm not even sure I'll be home. I heard from his Aunt a few days ago that she talked to his Mom briefly (who lives out of state) and said that the inpatient facility he was going to look into was shut down due to the holiday (doesn't make sense - it's not like they send patients home, right?) so he was planning on coming back Monday. I haven't heard from him at all but most likely I will be at work.

Originally Posted by crazybabie View Post
I would go with the first one it is sort and direct and like you said takes the focus off why

I was lol @ the zombie one it is entertaining for us but who knows how he would respond to that.
Yeah, that's the one I plan on using.

Thank you all for responding and the zombie conversation was entertaining!
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Old 07-08-2012, 09:11 AM
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I'd keep it simple.. Changed the locks... your stuff is is the basement..( just so he knows this is final) Wish you well. Then stick to it. Don't talk to him.. EVen if you are home., he can't get in the apartment, right? Don't let him in. Is he violent? Are you afraid of him?
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Old 07-08-2012, 09:39 AM
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It's funny (in a macabre sort of way), I always thought zombies were the perfect analogy for addicts. Your loved one is dead, concerned only with acquiring their DOC, flesh, and there is no point in reasoning with them because they will either eat you or turn you into one of them! The best and only thing to do is protect yourself at all cost. Ok, not really very funny, but surprisingly accurate.
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Old 07-08-2012, 09:42 AM
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as Joe Friday used to say in Dragnet (aging myself here.....) "all we want are just the facts, ma'am".

Short, sweet, to the point. I'm learning that no one seems to be too interested in the why's of what I am doing. They already know why.
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Old 07-08-2012, 11:13 AM
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First things first: Is he on the lease or mortgage? If so, you can't legally do this - he is entitled to stay there and if you want him out you have to take the legal action to get him out. This is true even if you paid 100% of all the bills.

Even if everything is in your name, in some (if not all) states if he can prove residency (drivers license, voters registration, etc.) then you still have give him 30 day notice, you can't lock him out.

Time to talk to a lawyer.
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Old 07-08-2012, 03:10 PM
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Originally Posted by amaslow View Post
I'd keep it simple.. Changed the locks... your stuff is is the basement..( just so he knows this is final) Wish you well. Then stick to it. Don't talk to him.. EVen if you are home., he can't get in the apartment, right? Don't let him in. Is he violent? Are you afraid of him?
No, he will not be able to get in the apartment. He had some things packed when I got home from work last Monday. Since his latest thing had been stealing, I just had to look to make sure he wasn't taking anything important (even though I pretty much had already locked most things away in my bedroom) and I noticed jars of pasta sauce, other condements, etc. hidden in his shoes. I kinda laughed because that's what it's come down to. It kinda bugged me too that he felt he had to sneak food but whatever, pick and choose my battles and this wasn't worth it.

No, he's not violent and I'm not afraid of him but it's been soooo long since I've felt at peace that I am afraid of the drama and with how unreasonable he is and how entitled he feels, I just don't want to be around if I don't have to.

Originally Posted by boldaslove View Post
It's funny (in a macabre sort of way), I always thought zombies were the perfect analogy for addicts. Your loved one is dead, concerned only with acquiring their DOC, flesh, and there is no point in reasoning with them because they will either eat you or turn you into one of them! The best and only thing to do is protect yourself at all cost. Ok, not really very funny, but surprisingly accurate.
Funny you mention this but you're right now that I think about it. Any time I had an ache or whatever, it was always "take this" and I wanted no part of it.

Originally Posted by dgillz View Post
First things first: Is he on the lease or mortgage? If so, you can't legally do this - he is entitled to stay there and if you want him out you have to take the legal action to get him out. This is true even if you paid 100% of all the bills.

Even if everything is in your name, in some (if not all) states if he can prove residency (drivers license, voters registration, etc.) then you still have give him 30 day notice, you can't lock him out.

Time to talk to a lawyer.
He's on the lease but never paid a dime towards rent or any bills. I asked him to move out in May so he's had plenty of notice and has offers (family) to go. The best (for him) would have been his aunt's but he didn't like the rules - inpatient first before living with her.

Hopefully, he knows it's time to move on.
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Old 07-08-2012, 07:25 PM
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Originally Posted by boldaslove View Post
It's funny (in a macabre sort of way), I always thought zombies were the perfect analogy for addicts. Your loved one is dead, concerned only with acquiring their DOC, flesh, and there is no point in reasoning with them because they will either eat you or turn you into one of them! The best and only thing to do is protect yourself at all cost. Ok, not really very funny, but surprisingly accurate.
when i wrote the funny version, i wasn't even drawing analogies from zombies to addicts, but you have a very good point. i was just trying to lighten up the moment. love it!
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