Addicts are responsible for their actions right?
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Addicts are responsible for their actions right?
Im looking for some opinions maybe if someone has been through anything similar. My boyfriend used to have a drug problem but that was before we met. He has used one time since Ive known him and it wasn’t good but it hasn’t happened again. I think he is fine now. Weve been together a year now, live together, plan to get married and have a family. The problem is that we just found out that the police want to question him in relation to something that happened in his past. And I mean like 3 years ago.
Were going to visit his family and planned a vacation for a week, and now he says when we go there he has to make a statement to the police and even though his attorney is really good and says it will end there case closed. Im worried . It’s a big thing and while he doesn’t seem to be worried at all I guess Im not used to things like this, and even though I know the truth and don’t think he is legally responsible the situation was very bad that he was in. He was heavy into cocaine at one time and for a little while he was living with this girl who was like a drug ho. Giving herself away for drugs and doing I guess whatever he wanted so she could get her drugs. But he never hurt her or anything. I hear that is common for women to do when they are addicts . My boyfriend didn’t love her or anything, but he said he tried to help her clean up some, have some respect for herself, but he left her after a little while . I know he was using her also and I hate that he was with someone like that but he was using drugs at the time and its all in his past. He didn’t end up with any diseases or anything because he was checked before we became intimate.
Problem is that she overdosed the weekend he left and now her family is blaming the guy she was with that her friends have told them caused this to happen to her. I guess the police have to rule out that he was the boyfriend living with her and like supplying her drugs, delivering the drugs or something like that. But really who knows she probably had more guys coming and sniffing around her anyway. My boyfriend was never a dealer or anything like that, and his attorney says she didn’t even die from taking the drug he took. She was using heroin I guess and taking pills. The parents only want to blame someone because they cant face reality of what she was and what she did because she was an addict. No one did it to her, she did it to herself. Her family cut her off and now that she is dead they suddenly care and want to blame someone. Why didn’t they help her if they cared so much? If they couldn’t help her, then why cant they accept she wasn’t meant to be saved?
My boyfriend has his life all cleaned up now and he has a good career, and we are very happy. Im so afraid that something will happen and he will really be arrested. Ive been looking on the internet and Ive found some cases where people blamed for anothers death, but I don’t see it in this situation. Its not like they have a warrant out for his arrest, and they haven’t been looking for him because this was years ago, but I guess the case is still open and they talked to his family a long time ago. But my boyfriend didn’t know about it until now because he hadn’t want home and they didn’t tell him. He says talking to the police will simply end the police inquiry. His attorney agrees but I also know his family is ready with money inc case he is actually arrested. They expect the best but have planned for the worst which freaks me out. I want this to be over so we can get on with our lives.
I know that I wrote a lot and didn’t mean to make it so long but Im frustrated by all this and scared. Its hard to tell my friends any of this because they don’t know about his past. I thought some of you might know what its like to have the past come back to haunt you even after the drugs were left behind and you could tell me how you dealt with it.
Were going to visit his family and planned a vacation for a week, and now he says when we go there he has to make a statement to the police and even though his attorney is really good and says it will end there case closed. Im worried . It’s a big thing and while he doesn’t seem to be worried at all I guess Im not used to things like this, and even though I know the truth and don’t think he is legally responsible the situation was very bad that he was in. He was heavy into cocaine at one time and for a little while he was living with this girl who was like a drug ho. Giving herself away for drugs and doing I guess whatever he wanted so she could get her drugs. But he never hurt her or anything. I hear that is common for women to do when they are addicts . My boyfriend didn’t love her or anything, but he said he tried to help her clean up some, have some respect for herself, but he left her after a little while . I know he was using her also and I hate that he was with someone like that but he was using drugs at the time and its all in his past. He didn’t end up with any diseases or anything because he was checked before we became intimate.
Problem is that she overdosed the weekend he left and now her family is blaming the guy she was with that her friends have told them caused this to happen to her. I guess the police have to rule out that he was the boyfriend living with her and like supplying her drugs, delivering the drugs or something like that. But really who knows she probably had more guys coming and sniffing around her anyway. My boyfriend was never a dealer or anything like that, and his attorney says she didn’t even die from taking the drug he took. She was using heroin I guess and taking pills. The parents only want to blame someone because they cant face reality of what she was and what she did because she was an addict. No one did it to her, she did it to herself. Her family cut her off and now that she is dead they suddenly care and want to blame someone. Why didn’t they help her if they cared so much? If they couldn’t help her, then why cant they accept she wasn’t meant to be saved?
My boyfriend has his life all cleaned up now and he has a good career, and we are very happy. Im so afraid that something will happen and he will really be arrested. Ive been looking on the internet and Ive found some cases where people blamed for anothers death, but I don’t see it in this situation. Its not like they have a warrant out for his arrest, and they haven’t been looking for him because this was years ago, but I guess the case is still open and they talked to his family a long time ago. But my boyfriend didn’t know about it until now because he hadn’t want home and they didn’t tell him. He says talking to the police will simply end the police inquiry. His attorney agrees but I also know his family is ready with money inc case he is actually arrested. They expect the best but have planned for the worst which freaks me out. I want this to be over so we can get on with our lives.
I know that I wrote a lot and didn’t mean to make it so long but Im frustrated by all this and scared. Its hard to tell my friends any of this because they don’t know about his past. I thought some of you might know what its like to have the past come back to haunt you even after the drugs were left behind and you could tell me how you dealt with it.
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wow.
Im sorry you sound very naive and you're telling this from an incredibly skewed and heartless standpoint. Her parents setting and sticking to boundaries did not mean they didnt care about her, and for all you know, they spent fortunes trying to help her before helping themselves.
Whatever your boyfriend is dealing with comes as a consequence of his actions. If you murder someone and then change your life and become a pastor, good for you but you still do life in prison. Your boyfriend MAY have turned his life around but even if he caught a case NOW and had to go to prison, thats something that he and you should be ready to deal with because no one is forcing you to date a (former) addict. You date someone and you date their past. Anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves.
I think you should reconsider how you're thinking about this. Subjectively you sound like you would believe anything he ever said.
Im sorry you sound very naive and you're telling this from an incredibly skewed and heartless standpoint. Her parents setting and sticking to boundaries did not mean they didnt care about her, and for all you know, they spent fortunes trying to help her before helping themselves.
Whatever your boyfriend is dealing with comes as a consequence of his actions. If you murder someone and then change your life and become a pastor, good for you but you still do life in prison. Your boyfriend MAY have turned his life around but even if he caught a case NOW and had to go to prison, thats something that he and you should be ready to deal with because no one is forcing you to date a (former) addict. You date someone and you date their past. Anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves.
I think you should reconsider how you're thinking about this. Subjectively you sound like you would believe anything he ever said.
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Originally Posted by pinkchampagne 
I know he was using her also and I hate that he was with someone like that but he was using drugs at the time and its all in his past.
The contempt in your post - for a young woman who is dead - just sickens me.
I'm out.
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Pinkchampagne, there is more to this story than what you know. Prepare yourself. Next time you're here, stick around and read some of the other threads. Before I came here, I thought the addicts in my life were different than the common addict, and that their situations deserved some kind of special treatment and advice. That's not how it is. Ever. Addiction and drug abuse is always ugly, and there is always more to the story. You're looking at it through rose-colored glasses. Educate yourself and be prepared.
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I didn’t mean to offend anyone. If I used the wrong choice of words then I apologize. Im not used to dealing with anything to do with drugs, or people that are family of drug addicts.
I don’t have contempt for the girl that died. I feel sorry for her, and her family. I really do. But Im scared my boyfriend will be blamed for something that he didn’t have anything to do with. I feel like unless my boyfriend was injecting her with drugs then I don’t think it is his fault what happened. I guess she was torn up he left and she did too many drugs. Its all very sad.
I didn’t mean to insult anyone, especially anyones mother. I mean I have read on here for a few days now and I mostly I don’t see a lot of pity for the addicts. Families on here seem to walk away from the addict and accept they could die. At least from what I read that is how it came across to me. But of course I cant know whats in anyones heart and Im again very sorry if I was offensive.
I came here for help and to understand about addiction, family. I am naïve I admit that. My bioyfriend doesn’t use drugs anymore so I didn’t think I had to worry about any of this stuff. And he told me about this girl a long time before any of this came up. He wouldn’t have had any reason to lie to me. This is all more than I can deal with almost, people dying, drugs, police. Its scary and I just thought someone might be able to help me understand and cope with this.
What do you mean there is maybe more to this? Like he is lying to me and is more involved than he admitted?
I don’t have contempt for the girl that died. I feel sorry for her, and her family. I really do. But Im scared my boyfriend will be blamed for something that he didn’t have anything to do with. I feel like unless my boyfriend was injecting her with drugs then I don’t think it is his fault what happened. I guess she was torn up he left and she did too many drugs. Its all very sad.
I didn’t mean to insult anyone, especially anyones mother. I mean I have read on here for a few days now and I mostly I don’t see a lot of pity for the addicts. Families on here seem to walk away from the addict and accept they could die. At least from what I read that is how it came across to me. But of course I cant know whats in anyones heart and Im again very sorry if I was offensive.
I came here for help and to understand about addiction, family. I am naïve I admit that. My bioyfriend doesn’t use drugs anymore so I didn’t think I had to worry about any of this stuff. And he told me about this girl a long time before any of this came up. He wouldn’t have had any reason to lie to me. This is all more than I can deal with almost, people dying, drugs, police. Its scary and I just thought someone might be able to help me understand and cope with this.
What do you mean there is maybe more to this? Like he is lying to me and is more involved than he admitted?
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If the police really thought he was guilty then they would have had a warrant out for him. And his attorney is really good and says this will all go away. I shoudl beleive that but Im afraid they are trying to trick him and once he shows up then they will actually arrest him or something. It was a long time ago
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what should I do? I dont want him to know im so scacred. he acts like he isnt worried at all. how can I not worry though and feel sick thinking about his past and that girl and her family and his family too.
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"Plan to get married and have a family"
Before I'd consider the above, I would become more knowlegable about addiction.
Addicts lie, addicts deflect and less than 10% recover for life. In addition, children of addicts have a 50% chance of inheriting the gene that predisposes them to addiction.
Knowledge is power, there is more to his story. Read all the stickeys at the top of this forum, and others posts, lots of good information at your fingertips.
Before I'd consider the above, I would become more knowlegable about addiction.
Addicts lie, addicts deflect and less than 10% recover for life. In addition, children of addicts have a 50% chance of inheriting the gene that predisposes them to addiction.
Knowledge is power, there is more to his story. Read all the stickeys at the top of this forum, and others posts, lots of good information at your fingertips.
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I have been reading for a couple days. dont understand a lot of it really, but I will read more. a lot of it makes me cry and scares me. I would never want my kids to become addicts but I dont see how his using for a while a long time ago could cause that. and He quit so I dont know if he was an addict. There was only one time since we were together he used drugs, and after that he hasnt done it again. He talks about things all the time and he knows if he comes to me then I will listen and try my best to understand.
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Originally Posted by cynical one
Why do you have to DO anything? More will be revealed in time. It's OK to feel whatever you are feeling.
We are supposed to leave this weekend and he says he wants to do this first thing next week to have it over, he knows Im a little freaked out, but not this scared. I feel like vomiting most of the time. if he gets arrested I cant imagine how I will deal with that and tell my family and friends.
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Families on here seem to walk away from the addict and accept they could die.
I will share my story with you I originally came here because of my oldest son he was 22 when I joined he is 27 now. He is currently in prison and from what I hear he is using there as well. I chased after him I begged him to stop, I helped him get in 2 different rehabs.
He stole from us left and right and I eventually pressed charges. (not why he is in prison now) He would call me and something be going on and mommy would jump in the car and have guns put to my head. I believed EVERYTHING he told me I was helping my son stay an addict I was helping dig his grave. We do not walk away as you say because we do not love them we have to stop our own insanity and face REALITY.
My middle son he is an addict, this crushed me him NO way. I of course tried to save him as well. He over dosed and died in my house I did CPR until help arrived and rode in the ambulance with him they had me ride in the front. I remember that day so well they had no sirens on, stopped at all red lights, I felt such relief because I thought that meant he was OK. Once I was allowed to see him at the hospital I was shocked when I went in the back he was on a breathing tube and sent to ICU. He had been riding with our local Sheriffs Dept. as a cadet he was the youngest one in our county to be allowed to enter the Sheriff Reserves here. He took this overdose only one month after his sisters fiancee died from his third overdose. He was at that funeral he saw reality.
No one other than God could love my sons like I do but you see LOVE has NOTHING do with if he will use or not.
Then there is my husband who I have been with since I was 15 and him 16 , after 31 years he is addicted to pills and loves marijuana he always has.
I have had him move out of my house.
TRUTH is YES THEY CAN DIE
The longer I enable any of my addicts the better the chances they will die.
So I MUST do the loving thing and get out of their way so they can face any consequences that come from their choices and stay out of their way of finding their rock bottom.
I also have a life I can not keep spending my life on trying to save them only they can help their self, I can only help me.
Do I like that it is this way NO but I have accepted it I am out of DENIAL.
I will share my story with you I originally came here because of my oldest son he was 22 when I joined he is 27 now. He is currently in prison and from what I hear he is using there as well. I chased after him I begged him to stop, I helped him get in 2 different rehabs.
He stole from us left and right and I eventually pressed charges. (not why he is in prison now) He would call me and something be going on and mommy would jump in the car and have guns put to my head. I believed EVERYTHING he told me I was helping my son stay an addict I was helping dig his grave. We do not walk away as you say because we do not love them we have to stop our own insanity and face REALITY.
My middle son he is an addict, this crushed me him NO way. I of course tried to save him as well. He over dosed and died in my house I did CPR until help arrived and rode in the ambulance with him they had me ride in the front. I remember that day so well they had no sirens on, stopped at all red lights, I felt such relief because I thought that meant he was OK. Once I was allowed to see him at the hospital I was shocked when I went in the back he was on a breathing tube and sent to ICU. He had been riding with our local Sheriffs Dept. as a cadet he was the youngest one in our county to be allowed to enter the Sheriff Reserves here. He took this overdose only one month after his sisters fiancee died from his third overdose. He was at that funeral he saw reality.
No one other than God could love my sons like I do but you see LOVE has NOTHING do with if he will use or not.
Then there is my husband who I have been with since I was 15 and him 16 , after 31 years he is addicted to pills and loves marijuana he always has.
I have had him move out of my house.
TRUTH is YES THEY CAN DIE
The longer I enable any of my addicts the better the chances they will die.
So I MUST do the loving thing and get out of their way so they can face any consequences that come from their choices and stay out of their way of finding their rock bottom.
I also have a life I can not keep spending my life on trying to save them only they can help their self, I can only help me.
Do I like that it is this way NO but I have accepted it I am out of DENIAL.
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Originally Posted by pinkchampagne
If the police really thought he was guilty then they would have had a warrant out for him. And his attorney is really good and says this will all go away. I shoudl beleive that but Im afraid they are trying to trick him and once he shows up then they will actually arrest him or something. It was a long time ago
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We have been together a year. But this was I think 3 years ago that it happened. His family knew oh its a long story, he just found out because we are going there to visit and they told him, and he has talked to the attorney a few times already. They are going to meet with the attorney before he goes in to give his statement I think it was called. I dont see how any of this could be his fault though unless he helped her take the drugs themselves and I know he didnt do that. I cant find a lot on the internet but i have seen where to share prescriptions can be charged, but this wasnt prescription and he didnt buy it for her he says.
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wow Im so glad he survived it and didnt end up with damage. Going through that you would think would scare him and make him want to stop. you know.
I feel so bad . i guess i did sound heartless like someone said. but Ive been crying so much over all of this . and then I put cold water on my face and makeup to hide that Ive been crying so he wont know. And I cant let him know Im looking on the computer or he will know im worried and not trusting him that its going to be ok.
I feel so bad . i guess i did sound heartless like someone said. but Ive been crying so much over all of this . and then I put cold water on my face and makeup to hide that Ive been crying so he wont know. And I cant let him know Im looking on the computer or he will know im worried and not trusting him that its going to be ok.
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Are you scared of him in any way?
And I cant let him know Im looking on the computer or he will know im worried and not trusting him that its going to be ok.
Just because he feels one way doesn't mean you can't feel another.
And I cant let him know Im looking on the computer or he will know im worried and not trusting him that its going to be ok.
Just because he feels one way doesn't mean you can't feel another.
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