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Yet Another Betrayal

Old 06-12-2012, 03:42 PM
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Yet Another Betrayal

Hi, everyone. I'm not sure why I'm sharing this, as it doesn't really call for advice. I guess I just need to vent and hear comforting words from people I know understand. Many of you know my story - my AS was a heroin addict who was murdered on April 4, four days before his 20th birthday. In the month and a half before his death, he did two 12-day inpatient rehab stints, and went directly into an SLE after the second rehab stay. He was in the SLE for two nights, was caught using and kicked out, but was told that if he tested clean in four days time, he could go back. He spent those four days with me. We spent a lot of time together, and it was the closest we'd been in a long time. Despite our many discussions on the topic of relapse, he managed to use several times during that period, and really fell apart on Monday. He wasn't allowed back into the SLE, and spent Monday and Tuesday nights with a girlfriend. I had gotten him Suboxone on Monday, and he was supposed to go back to the SLE, but was killed early Wednesday morning. Needless to say, I have been deeply grieving, but have thought often to myself, "What a blessing that we at least had those last four loving days."

I just discovered this morning that during those four days, he stole four pieces of my jewelry, pieces I really like and wear often. For a variety of reasons, I haven't had occasion to look for them before now, but when I wanted them this morning, they were gone. Certain facts make it clear that only he could have taken them, and it could only have happened during those four days. I am devastated and betrayed all over again. I poured my love out to him during those four days and it seemed to be returned - and now I know that during those same four days, he was stealing my jewelry to get drugs.
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Old 06-12-2012, 03:54 PM
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So sorry that you had the memory of those four days tainted with this. You know he loved you, it's just the drug was the first love. It was the addiction, not your son. Big hugs to you.
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Old 06-12-2012, 04:20 PM
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I have experienced the deep deep splittedness that existed in the man I loved.

sometimes it helps me to remember that many things in life are both/and rather than either/or. I say this because you get to remember the love that you and he shared AND be angry with him for stealing. he shared love with you as your son and a human being...AND he stole from you within his addiction. I know that addiction isn't an excuse for bad behavior...but all of us know it is a deep dark sickness.

I am glad that you were able to share love with him, and I am so sorry that he stole from you. It is a splittedness...and both can be true. Don't let the sickness steal everything from your memory of the love you felt.

That being said I am still so sorry for your hurt.
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Old 06-12-2012, 04:22 PM
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I am so very sorry...unfortunately, it is all part of the disease.
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Old 06-12-2012, 04:56 PM
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Seeking, I know this will bring up more pain for you and you are SO STRONG in your faith and convictions. This is the true demon we battle in heroin. As you know, my son who is out there since 5-20 has stolen from us 4 times! Each time it was more and more. This time he took a hammer to a 200 pound metal fire proof safe and beat it mercilessly to get to our things. He took all of my jewelry that was left and all the cash my husband inherited from his dead mother.

I feel and understand the betrayal you feel and I hope you know it is HEROIN responsible.
Hugs and prayers for your peace,
TT
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Old 06-12-2012, 06:00 PM
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Desperate people do desperate things. I hope you remember it was not personal. I am certain he loved you as much as you loved him...sadly his addiction made him think he needed it to survive.

If you had the choice to spend for 4 loving days with him or that jewelery, you would have picked those days......and you did (knowingly or not). Jewelery can be replaced, memories can not!

God Bless!
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