pinkchampagne

oh no, he is the sweetest guy ever. He never gets mad at me or yells or anything. I only dont want him to think Im so worried about this. he tells me to go shopping and by some new clothes before we go for our trip and all that because there is nothing to worry about, he is like it is only cleaning up his past to put it behind him for good so we can continue with our future.

pinkchampagne

i think it was anything less serious I would be ok with it. I mean even if it was bad like stealing or something, but this is so emotional to think about.

dollydo

May I ask...how old are you and your boyfriend?

pinkchampagne

I talked to my boyfriend again and asked him straight up about the relationship he had with that girl and he swears that it is exactly as he told me all along. He met her through a mutual friend and she pimped herself out for drugs I guess it was something like she kept the customers happy and in return she got what she needed. My boyfriend swears he tried to help her get herself cleaned up, but after a while he moved on to someone else. After talking to him it seems like he has flat out proof that he wasn’t around when she overdosed and says the attorney has all the information, knows exactly what is going on, and for me to stop being upset about it.

Ive been reading and my boyfriend doesn’t seem to act like a lot of the addicts people are talking about on here. I know he used drugs, but I don’t think that automatically makes him an addict, and even if he was maybe he did get over it. There was the one time he used since Ive known him and it was like you said, he wanted me to try it with him, but I mean he was high at the time.
I dont think he wanted to turn me into a drug user for real. He was going on about how great it was to have sex while you are high and coke Like it is amazing.

someone asked i just turned 26 and my boyfriend is a little older than me.

LoveMeNow

Your bf was a "drug user" and had a relationship with an known addict who sadly, allowed herself to be used and abused by others for drugs....and he was just trying to help her??

He wanted you to try cocaine so you could have better sex? And he has only used it just the one time in the past year?

Changing bad behaviors and choices can be very hard, I am wondering what he did for himself to change so much!

saraylah

I read what you are facing and yes some of your comments are just plain rude and ignorant because you don't know anything about being an addict or living with addiction. You also sound very young. What I hope for you is that you are not so in love with this man that you will do anything he asks you to do. What if he relapses and he asks you to do this drug with him. I never tried or done crack, and didn't even let people smoke it in my presence they had to go to the back room, but at the age of thirty I had a momentary lapse of reason and it was just me and my boyfriend and he smoked and I tried it. 10 years later I went to a hell that was something I never thought I'd be in including trading favors for dope. I know you don't know about this kind of lifestyle so its best that you don't say rude things such as that. And for the girl to have died of an overdose is really sad cause she lost her fight when she didn't have to. Your boyfriend's past will always be a part of his life but it doesn't have to be part of him IF he stays clean. He needs to handle this little problem that IS a consequence of his past and hopefully you both can get on with yall's lives. I hope he is in a program where he will have help staying sober. There's always the possibility of relapse. And an addict in my opinion Is an addict for the rest of their life. So judge not lest ye be judged, or don't judge anyones life until you have walked a mile in their shoes. I wish you both the best and I really hope he can stay clean and sober for himself.

saraylah

I just read this statement in this post and I say : BEWARE. If your boyfriend truly loved you he would not be asking you to try it cause it makes sex better. Get out while you can because this is an all to common scenario in the world of a drug addict. Most drug addicts were turned on to drugs by someone they know/ love. He stills has the mind of a drug addict if he is telling you how good sex is. How dare he do that to you, its just infuriating that he would ask you to do something like that Knowing what he's gone through much less the xgirlfriend He supposedly tried to help. Hes seen first hand what drugs do to girls. I think hes sees a chance in turning you into THAT x-girlfriend. All I can say is be careful. Be very careful or you will soon find out about an addicts life.
Don't ever think that this couldn't happen to you because as long as you think like that you are more probable to become one because of your lack of knowledge about addiction. Addiction is not prejudice nor finicky. Anyone is a perfect candidate especially the ones in love.

SeekingGrowth

He was going on about how great it was to have sex while you are high and coke Like it is amazing.

Really? Wow, that's scary! That doesn't sound like someone in recovery to me. Be careful.

dollydo

Well in all honesty, I thought that you were about 20 years old, with that said, you sound very gulliable and niave. I again suggest that you learn more about addiction, get your hands on Codependent No More and read all the stickeys on this forum.

Hope that this all works out as you desire it to, although, I believe that you are in for one heck of a rollercoaster ride.

Windmills

My ex used to bring speed home telling me it would make me lose the weight I gained while I was pregnant with our daughter. I always said no, no get that OUT of my house. Then he started trying to get me to take coke while I worked, he ran a bar and I used to pull an occasional shift for him. He did actually hook me with that one, I was lucky to get out when I did because I know many women who have ended up with drug/alcohol issues through an abusive relationship. I'm not saying that's what your relationship is AT ALL, just sharing my experience.
He also told me many times that his ex before me is addicted to speed and cocaine. See a pattern?

Windmills

I'm another who would have put you around 18-20, I think you should consider doing some reading and maybe attending a meeting. If you insist on staying, you should at least go forward with your eyes open.
I used to think my ex was SO different to all the addicts you read about on here. Turns out he's just the same, worse in some circumstances.

LoveMeNow

One time, I asked my husband for a percocet or 2 and He said HELL NO!! I knew he had just had his RX filled and had plenty. I guess I was just testing him, how stupid!! I wouldnt have taken them any way, they make me sick to my stomach but who knows....

pinkchampagne

Well I did try it with him back then a couple times. He said it was only a little bit that he let me do. I did it a few times, but I told him I didn’t want to keep doing it, and that he shouldn’t be doing it anymore. Some friend had given it to him when he came to visit and that’s why it happened. It was like 10 months ago and he hasn’t used any since then. I feel a lot better since I finally talked to him about everything again. I think he is right that he needs to resolve this and know it is behind him. Im still scared that there is some kind of information not being told to his attorney, and that there is some trick going on.
He is such a sweet guy, and he is so thoughtful. I mean he would never hurt anyone. There is just no way that he is lying to me about this I just KNOW it. Ive been reading on here, and most of the addicts sound like they lie and are selfish and manipulative. All the things my boyfriend isn’t. Yeah I hope this trip ends any past issues for him. I don’t think he wants to use drugs anymore. He seems really happy all the time, and he has all these plans for the future and he is on track.

pinkchampagne

Ive never known anyone who used drugs or anything. I didnt think it was such a big deal. I guess I mean when I was in college people used them but it was only on weekends or at a party. I never tried them.

But when I met this guy, he is just wonderful. And none of his past really bothered me. I think he has a really good future ahead of him.

Windmills

When I met my ex he was just wonderful and none of his past bothered me. Although to be fair, I didn't know any of the truth about his past. I didn't know about the women who had moved away to escape him, I didn't know about the kids he didn't bother to see, I didn't know he had a 25 year (at the time, now 29 I guess) IV heroin addiction, I didn't know how much he loves smoking crack. I didn't know he could lie, manipulate, abuse, hurt, assault, control, steal from me etc etc. There are still huge gaping massive holes in his past.. God, there are gaping holes in what the f*ck he was doing while we were together.
You don't know this man. You have no idea what he was, is or could turn out to be. Just be careful, don't plan marriage and kids just yet.

ETA- I spotted that too LMN just didn't know how to word it without sounding like I was nitpicking!

saraylah

You are a user- a drug user now. It may not be all the time but you've gotten a taste of it and I see that you will do what you're boyfriend asks you to do. He's being manipulative by telling you everything that you want to hear and being happy all the time...You probably don't even know when or if he's high. A person on cocaine is hard to see unless they are peeking out the window in paranoia. Sometimes they can be the happiest peson whistling and singing and cleaning up. You see you already got one foot in the door by loving your boyfirend so much you are losing your set of morals by saying yes to getting high with him even if it was just a few times. Your losing yourself hun. A balloon isn't fully blown with one blow, you have to blow and blow and blow- until you blow it several times, then at that you still keep on blowing until it pops. An addict isn't an addict right away.....it takes time. And you have opened the door. I pray for you both in this battle. I hope you wake up and realize when you start compromising yourself and lowering your expectations thats it- they got you right where they want you. Let this be food for thought- Did you use BEFORE you met him? If you said No- such a pitty. Why start now- cause of LOVE? Love don't exist if that's the reason cause he wouldn't of asked you to try it. Prayers and hugs sent to you.

Vale

I've read the posts and SO UNDERSTAND the hurt feelings.
So predictable......warning others NOT to jog in a minefield----
Please heed the warning signs,please do not do your exercise there!

"But it simply CANNOT be a minefield....look at all the pretty flowers! The birds are
singing,the sun is shining...."

BOOM!!!

Scene two:
"I want my legs back"

-life just doesn't work that way.I truly thank SR senior members for their
collective wisdom for not allowing $10k and 3 crappy years to morph into
SERIOUS money/wasted decades.

Noone asks the obvious question.How far would an addict get if they were NOT
charming,cunning,con artists?

"Hey,I need $ for a fix 'cuz I need to get high......"

lesliej

honesty and transparency...these are good principles to have in any relationship but especially with someone you want to marry.

if you are afraid to be honest with him with something as basic as how you feel, and are hiding with cold water and make up etc, then how in the world could you ever expect the truth about something perhaps so much more serious as prostitution, trafficking or dealing, etc?

I'm not saying he did anything like that...just suggesting that you consider the establishment of honesty between you! there is too much restriction and unspoken fear going on...not really healthy in any relationship.

milo88

Ugh! I shouldn't read posts here, but I did read this one. The biggest trigger for me in this is the way he describes his ex girlfriend as a "crack ho", but also goes on to say that he tried to help her etc etc. Well, if he ever really cared about her at all he wouldn't be describing her as a "crack ho" and he would probably feel somewhat saddened by her death!
If he really was somewhat saddened by her death he wouldn't be wanting you to do drugs with him at all, wouldn't want to see history repeat.
I don't know. Even without drugs, I think the way people talk about their exes is very telling, and for such a "sweet guy" he's not showing a lot of respect or compassion for this young woman he was involved with who died in such a tragic way.
He sounds like maybe he's more of a recreational user than a died in the wool addict to me, but maybe that's even scarier because he doesn't seem to have acknowledged the damage he's seen drugs do - even though he's seen it at very close range. Something is amiss here!

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR.....this is a forum where families.... mothers... fathers... sisters.... brothers..... lovers and others who have been dealing with an addicted loved one come for support. It is hell to watch someone you love abducted by a substance. Until we learn that we cannot control another human and begin taking control over our own lives, we live in hell. The pain and anguish is damn near unbearable. And some of these people have dealt with the death of their loved one from an overdose.....liver failure....AIDS or other complications of addiction. Some have just dealt with the loss of their loved one because they don't know where they are.....they just know they are out there....somewhere.......using.

Who knows what your bf's part (if any) was in the death of that young woman. If he has nothing to hide, then good for him for wanting to face the situation and get on with his life. The fear and anguish you have been feeling is a very small taste of what the loved ones of addicts live with every single day.....some for many years.

So......how do we deal with it?

We finally learn that we cannot control the life or actions of another human being. We learn compassion and how to detach with love. We learn how to manage and control our own lives and not let the sorrows of tomorrow destroy our today. We face our fear with courage.

Welcome to SR.......

gentle hugs
ke