hardy

So I've been off Meth for two weeks minus a slip last Friday. People keep telling me they are proud of me and all I can think about is how much I want to kill myself. Each day goes by slowly and I can't wait until its late enough to knock myself out on tylenol pm and stop being present. Each night I think why not just take the.whole bottle and honestly I keep pushing 7000mg limit of tylenol hoping it will kill me. Some nights 10000mg not.to mention 5he other acetaminophen I've taken throughout the day.I don't know how not to feel this way and being sober doesn't make my life feel better. I'm glad I'm sober but I still want to die. I'm sick of being a pathetic mess and don't think it will ever get better. What's wrong with me?

Taking5

Are you going to NA meeings? I was an alcoholic but found out I was no comforable in my own skin until I was sober AND going to meetings AND working the 12 steps.

Threshold

I'm not a dr, but it sounds a lot like depression.

Sobriety doesn't promise any particular style or circumstance in life. Many people don't use mind or mood altering substances at all, and are all kinds of miserable. Not all of our feelings and circumstances are the result of us using.

Being clean gives us the chance to use all other internal and external resources available to us to build a life we feel good about living.

when the whole or majority of our resources are being poured into using, there isn't much left over for all those other things that make life worth living.

It's common, when we take substances out, that we are in a sort of "now what" paralysis, because there were a lot of decisions we never had to make when we were wasted.

many of us find out we have to relearn, or learn for the first time, how to live.

eJoshua

If you feel like you are going to hurt yourself please call a suicide hotline or check yourself into a hospital. Read this thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

While getting sober doesn't fix all your problems it does make taking care of them a lot easier. It takes a while to relearn how to be happy in sobriety, it's not something you can learn in just a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, there's no shortcut for this healing, it just takes time.

If you find that you still aren't happy you may want to talk to your doctor about it, or go see a psychiatrist to discuss treatment options for depression.

Best wishes,

jobei

10000mg of tylenol PM? That's enough to knock out a horse. I've taken 50mg of diphenhydramine and felt like I was high... if at all possible can you talk to a doctor about that dosage? It's definately a drug too and can really hurt your liver badly... especially in those amounts. Sorry to hear you feel so bad. Try to take care today...

tomsteve

nothin changes if nothin changes

choublak

Maybe it's because you're abusing the Tylenol PM...

deepnblue

I have also found that using sleep aids like Tylenol PM/Advil PM (you get the idea) seem to put me into a depressive mood the next morning. Maybe try a different sleep aid or herbal remedies like valerian root?

tomsteve

you've been off meth for 2 weeks minus a slip. how bout getting honest with yourself,too? 7k mg tylenol will destroy yer innards. sounds like switching one drug for another to feed the addiction to me.
yer sick of being a mess... do YOU want to change? are YOU willing to do anything necessary to change?? i sure hope ya say yes. getting clean and sober is a fight. staying clean and sober is easy and an awesome life!

instant

See someone professional in real life and tell them what is happening for you. You can get better.

Mo S

I agree with what's been said: it's time for professional help. We can't do this alone- especially when it involves a depressive episode. Thast much Tylenol canm give you pancrietitus which is life threatening.

heathersweeds

I remember when I first got sober hearing people in AA talk about being so miserable in their active drinking they were either going to get sober or end their own life. I felt the opposite, like you, in early sobriety. I felt like" whats the point? I can't stand being sober. My life is so miserable." Going to a 12 step group gave me some relief. Getting a sponcor, fellowship with others there gave me more relief. Also, you are growing and learning about yourself right now. Whenever I go through growth, its uncomfortable for a little while. Then the fog lifts and I have actual peace and joy!

gordano

Hi Hardy,

From what I know about meth (never tried it before), it can take a long time for your brain to recover...

Crystal meth withdrawal - Not like heroin, but don't expect it to be easy | Psychology Today

Withdrawing from crystal meth use is nothing like opiate withdrawal and there's no reason why it would be. Opiates play a significant role in pain modulation and opioid receptors are present in peripheral systems in the body, which is the reason for the stomach aches, nausea, and diarrhea. Dopamine receptors just don't play those roles in the body and brain, so withdrawal shouldn't be expected to have the same effect.

But dopamine is still a very important neurotransmitter and quitting a drug that has driven up dopamine release for a long time should be expected to leave behind some pain, and it does.

One of the important functions of dopamine is in signaling reward activity. When a dopamine spike happens in a specific area of the brain (called the NAc), it signifies that whatever is happening at that moment is "surprisingly" good. The parentheses are there to remind you that the brain doesn't really get surprised, but the dopamine spike is like a reward signal detector, when it goes up, good things are happening.

Well guess what? When a crystal-meth addict stops taking meth, the levels of dopamine in the brain go down. To make matters worse, the long-term meth use has caused a decrease in the number of dopamine receptors available which means there's not only less dopamine, but fewer receptors to activate. It's not a surprise than that people who quit meth find themselves in a state of anhedonia, or an inability to feel pleasure. Once again, unlike the heroin withdrawal symptoms, anhedonia doesn't make you throw up and sweat, but it's a pretty horrible state to be in. Things that bring a smile to a normal person's face just don't work on most crystal-meth addicts who are new to recovery. As if that wasn't bad enough, it can take as long as two years of staying clean for the dopamine function of an ex meth-addict to look anything like a normal person's.

...Please go see a doctor. Unfortunately it looks like a long road ahead, but you will be able to beat this!

sugarbear1

Get some professional help, get to meetings, find a sponsor, work the steps. NA has a workbook for those steps, which can help you change. As said above, meth interrupts the natural flow if dopamine, which gives us signals of pleasure, so basically, you were high for a long time, now you will feel low for a while, then it will even out enough. Meth does terrible damage to our brains.

Get that help! Stop trying to kill yourself--you tried while using and you are trying now, Please try to get real help for you, you are worth it.

Love,

Mark75

There is no easy way off stimulants, I know ... you just got to walk through the fire and keep on walking.

Liver failure from acetaminophen poisoning is really a bad and ugly thing. It's worse than getting off the speed. So stop that madness right now, unless you want a painful gruesome death or near death experience... and if that is what you want, please go to the hospital now and get help.

I believe there is CMA, crystal meth anonymous:

Crystal Meth Addiction Hotline

Call them

2granddaughters

hardy, did you got to detox? Are you going to NA ?

There is pain in recovery but misery is optional... I need the other alcoholic/addict to share my recovery with on an ongoing basis.

Get out F2F with the other recovering people at meetings and get into action with the 12 Steps. Call the members in your area and get together with them.

If you want sober/clean time you will have to do what the others did who have that time. Get a sponsor.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

choublak

Yes, this has been true for me too. The few times I took Tylenol PM the next day I felt lethargic and had no desire to do anything...and this is the correct dose I am talking about here...

Anna

Okay, there is no need for name-calling here.

Hardy is not being stupid, he is struggling with suicidal thoughts and that is hardly the same thing.

Hardy please call your dr or go to an ER if you feel you need to. Please get some professional help for your depression.

DisplacedGRITS

Hardy you really need to see a doctor. Your liver can't take that kind of abuse. It may be part of the reason your feeling so bad. Also, if you had a relapse on Friday then it stands to reason that you should feel pretty crummy still. Even without the relapse, 2 weeks isn't a long time. An evaluation by a doctor can only help and may get you on the right track for recovery.

hardy

It was the Friday before. I was clean 5 days then slipped. Its now been 12 days in a row. 5 days before that minus that Friday. Its not just tylenol pm its tylenol. I'm purposely trying to kill myself without trying to kill myself. I'm depressed. Depression was something I battled before drugs and now I'm off drugs but depression worse than ever. I go to meetings Tue wed and Thur at local mental health clinic. They are early recovery groups. I have a counselor that knows I'm suicidal and is watching me. I am trying. Without drugs though my depression is out of control. I am honest and real but depression is kicking my ass. I haven't touched the meth. I want sobriety but my mind wants to die.