kellyrally

Hardy, don't give up. I struggle with depression as well and since I have stopped drinking it seems to have gotten much worse. But that's because we we are refusing to blank out our issues. We are facing them for once, instead of constantly numbing them. Start addressing the reasons why you felt like you needed drugs and you will start to feel better about yourself. Stick with it.

Frenzy

my thoughts are with you hardy, that you have such thoughts must be awful to bear.
have you anyone to go to for support.
it's impossible for you now to envision your situation will get better but of course you need to put in place changes for yourself, a strategy to help you cope. don't be afraid to turn to people and seek help.
you are very vulnerable at the moment because of what you're going through. try to be kind to yourself, give yourself some credit and time to heal.
you have an addiction, you're not useless, or worthless, you're just struggling at the moment and need to get better xxx

hardy

Thanks. I went to group today and my counselor talked to me during the break. She wants me to go back on antidepressants and I know I need to. She also wants me to go to a depression support group and a class to learn coping skills. My biggest problem is I want to commit suicide and I'm not yet at that place where I want to feel better. I'm depressed and want to die and can't quite ge5 to wanting to feel like life is worth it. For me depression caused my addiction and depression is harder for me to get a handle on.

soberred

My sister has severe depression. She feels the exact same way as you do. She is currently seeking help with prescribed medication and counseling. I am glad you are going to counseling. It would be wise for you to get back on the antidepressants. If you can't afford it, there are programs that can help. Local walmarts have some antidepressants for $4 here in Florida. I would also see a doctor too to have your liver enzymes checked. That is a lot of tylenol. Consider this, it may not cause overdose but dying from liver failure is an painful, long, drawn out horrible death. This is a fact. Sorry to scare you but you need to know the consequences of that medication. Take care of yourself. There are options.

2granddaughters

hardy, I've been there. I remember what a great day it was for me after working my program for what seemed forever to come to the point where I wanted to kill YOU instead of ME !! It seemed like such a step up !!

Your councilor wants you on anti-depressants, what does your doctor say?

You got to meetings Tues, Wed and Thurs ... what about the other days? What does Mental Health say about NA meetings? I went to meetings every day in the beginning.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

Lexusgirl8

Trust me you're not alone. I feel the same way. I'm beginning to feel numb. I just wish I could fall asleep at night, or any time-have an anorisim-and just not WAKE BACK UP, HOW HARD IS THAT?! Every day I wake up, I have to deal with me, and trust me when I say that I'm a lost cause with a alter ego that never SHUTS UP! Help is never available, my family sucks, my daughter is 16, and I haven't talked to her since she was 10. She chose money over me, even when I showed her 4 year's sober. Everyone says God has a dang plan for me, what is it-to see how much I can take without completely losing whats left of my mind! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one struggling with the will to live. Thank You. I signed up for this sight, just because I felt so close to what you're going through. )-; (-:

Lexusgirl8

Don't ever kill yourself, that's the one unforgivable sin. That's the only reason I'm still alive. I'm on psych meds for anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, and double personality complex. I also suffer from ptsd ( that's the worst, always living in fear). I've been everyone's rag doll, almost all my life. Now a lot of the time, I have evil, crazy, hate, against the whole world. People are FAKE, nobody's happy all the time like other's make it look like, they're lying to themselves.

zerothehero

I'm glad you have a strong reason to remain alive. It does get better. Not perfect - but better.

neferkamichael

Our bodies typically resist any kinda change and of course you are feeling the consequences of it. Just suffer through it, tuff it out, whatever, because you will be glad ya did. You'll begin to feel better, we are all rootin for ya. :eypt:

Dee74

Hi and Welcome lexusgirl8

I really hope Hardy is doing well - this is a 4 years old thread though

D