Step 1 - AA
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Wappingers Falls, NY
Posts: 618
Step 1 - AA Hi, Sober Recovery.
Thanks for the step board. I never really cared for the word surrender. It casted an ugly shadow in the light of my true self. It felt like an act of betrayal on my part, like I was committing alcoholic treason, somehow. Admitting defeat was not in my vocabulary either, nor was my desire to sober up. I had too, unfortunately, not by choice though. It wasn't until the drink got the best of me that I was finally able to surrender. Even then, it was a stretch. Basically, I had to let go absolutely; and when I did something amazing happened, I felt freedom for the very first time.
When I finally discovered the horrible truth behind my alcoholism, I felt aghast. I felt disgusted with the image of my alcoholic self, plain and simple. And that was only the beginning. I was never too comfortable with “AA’s” definition of the term ‘alcoholic’ as described in “AA’s” first step. Nor was I a fan of the words ‘personal powerlessness’ or ‘unmanageability’ either. The mere mention of either/or would make my alcoholism cringe. I thought personal powerlessness meant defeatism, and defeatism wasn’t an option for me, especially a man of my stature. The idea did slowly grow on me -though not at first, as did the prospect of long term sobriety. And “AA’s” first step had a lot to do with that. Here’s “AA’s” definition of the first step -in my words of course: "Nothing good will come of step 1 until we first admit complete defeat”. How true. Bill W. penned a similar principle in step one that I feel is invaluable also and it goes like this: "We know that little good can come to any alcoholic who joins A.A. unless he has first accepted his devastating weakness and all its consequences. Until he so humbles himself, his sobriety--if any--will be precarious at best. Of real happiness he will find none at all. Proved beyond doubt by an immense experience, this is one of the facts of A.A. life. The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered". How true. This was my jumping off point, and one I needed to realize most of all. I had to surrender, totally, before I could be set free.
My life started to improve after that. And so did my outlook on sobriety. I not only experienced an immense spiritual awakening, but a growing sense of direction towards anything divinely related. I was finally given the freedom to enjoy life today and do so like never before. What seemed like a mistake at first became a self fulfilling prophecy 10 years in the making. I had experienced my first real taste of life outside the confines of my active alcoholism, culminating ever so gently into the sober life I enjoy today. It was my first real breakthrough in sobriety, thank God, and I haven’t looked back since. The life I never knew started to take shape, as I began to purse my dreams in a manner reserved only for alcoholics ‘in recovery’. Basically, I was finally able to put a "plug in the jug", thanks to “AA”, and I started to enjoy life again as a result.
Life, as I know it today, has gotten so much better. And I continue to enjoy the vast riches of this sober life in and out of this program. I’m afforded certain luxuries today that so few alcoholic’s can ever fathom - including the freedom to pursue my goals without the damaging effects of alcohol anymore. But only with everyone’s support, that is. The journey I’ve been on hasn’t been easy -not by any stretch, but it has been fulfilling. I enjoy life today with all its comforts and it gets better with age, but it came with a price. And one I’ll never forget. The priceless gift of sobriety can only be enjoyed within the confines of this wonderful fellowship, not without –a concept I subscribe too mostly. With everyone’s continued support, however, any one of us can turn what was once a subpar existence into a life full of meaning and purpose. And For that we say…thank you.
~God Bless~
Thanks for the step board. I never really cared for the word surrender. It casted an ugly shadow in the light of my true self. It felt like an act of betrayal on my part, like I was committing alcoholic treason, somehow. Admitting defeat was not in my vocabulary either, nor was my desire to sober up. I had too, unfortunately, not by choice though. It wasn't until the drink got the best of me that I was finally able to surrender. Even then, it was a stretch. Basically, I had to let go absolutely; and when I did something amazing happened, I felt freedom for the very first time.
When I finally discovered the horrible truth behind my alcoholism, I felt aghast. I felt disgusted with the image of my alcoholic self, plain and simple. And that was only the beginning. I was never too comfortable with “AA’s” definition of the term ‘alcoholic’ as described in “AA’s” first step. Nor was I a fan of the words ‘personal powerlessness’ or ‘unmanageability’ either. The mere mention of either/or would make my alcoholism cringe. I thought personal powerlessness meant defeatism, and defeatism wasn’t an option for me, especially a man of my stature. The idea did slowly grow on me -though not at first, as did the prospect of long term sobriety. And “AA’s” first step had a lot to do with that. Here’s “AA’s” definition of the first step -in my words of course: "Nothing good will come of step 1 until we first admit complete defeat”. How true. Bill W. penned a similar principle in step one that I feel is invaluable also and it goes like this: "We know that little good can come to any alcoholic who joins A.A. unless he has first accepted his devastating weakness and all its consequences. Until he so humbles himself, his sobriety--if any--will be precarious at best. Of real happiness he will find none at all. Proved beyond doubt by an immense experience, this is one of the facts of A.A. life. The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered". How true. This was my jumping off point, and one I needed to realize most of all. I had to surrender, totally, before I could be set free.
My life started to improve after that. And so did my outlook on sobriety. I not only experienced an immense spiritual awakening, but a growing sense of direction towards anything divinely related. I was finally given the freedom to enjoy life today and do so like never before. What seemed like a mistake at first became a self fulfilling prophecy 10 years in the making. I had experienced my first real taste of life outside the confines of my active alcoholism, culminating ever so gently into the sober life I enjoy today. It was my first real breakthrough in sobriety, thank God, and I haven’t looked back since. The life I never knew started to take shape, as I began to purse my dreams in a manner reserved only for alcoholics ‘in recovery’. Basically, I was finally able to put a "plug in the jug", thanks to “AA”, and I started to enjoy life again as a result.
Life, as I know it today, has gotten so much better. And I continue to enjoy the vast riches of this sober life in and out of this program. I’m afforded certain luxuries today that so few alcoholic’s can ever fathom - including the freedom to pursue my goals without the damaging effects of alcohol anymore. But only with everyone’s support, that is. The journey I’ve been on hasn’t been easy -not by any stretch, but it has been fulfilling. I enjoy life today with all its comforts and it gets better with age, but it came with a price. And one I’ll never forget. The priceless gift of sobriety can only be enjoyed within the confines of this wonderful fellowship, not without –a concept I subscribe too mostly. With everyone’s continued support, however, any one of us can turn what was once a subpar existence into a life full of meaning and purpose. And For that we say…thank you.
~God Bless~
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: rowlett tx
Posts: 5
I have surrendered completely. Knowing that I am an alcoholic and trying to "cut back" on drinking is just not possible. I realize that now. I want to be "ME" again and i cannot do that with the bottle. I am 34 days into sobreity today and I am starting to get back my emotions and learning to deal with them at that time and how to control my action towards them. I never knew that being sober would make me such a different person on the way I deal with day to day issues but it has made it easier to actually feel happy. I am regaining controll on my life and the direction that I want to take it. I am working hard at life to have an easy life if that makes any sense. I am happy that I found this site it has given me encouragement and stregnth that I never thought I could get anywhere else.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 68
I have a question - I'm a newcomer. I am in Step 1 at the moment - I feel as though I have surrendered to the first part of the step and am in a process of surrendering to the second.
I still feel fear of alcohol and get cravings. Are the two things, in your experience, mutually exclusive or is it normal to have cravings/fear of alcohol/creeping thoughts that "I could handle it" (immediately followed, for me, by a reminder of my written Step 1)?
I still feel fear of alcohol and get cravings. Are the two things, in your experience, mutually exclusive or is it normal to have cravings/fear of alcohol/creeping thoughts that "I could handle it" (immediately followed, for me, by a reminder of my written Step 1)?
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,903
ad33
yes it is normal I would say because I had the same things once.
the word cravings usually points to physical cravings which happens when we take the first drink.It is explained in the Dr`s Opinion in the Big Book.
Now the word obsession usually points to the mental thoughts of drinking,especially when we are sober.
However,if you are feeling like you are having physical cravings,it may be your body wanting sugar.We sometimes mistake that for a alcohol craving since alcohol has sugar in it.Sweets or candy sometimes helps newcomers when that arises.Have you tried that when you feel like you are getting a craving?
Also,the thoughts you are having are pretty normal too.More About Alcoholism, chapter 3 in the Big Book,talks about the obsession to drink more thoroughly.
Please be careful of those creeping thoughts.This is the subtle obsession to drink trying to get you to drink.Try not to "romance " the thought of a drink when those thoughts happen.I used to try hard to remember those horrible times when I was drunk to help me see the truth when a drinking thought came up.It was more than a drink,it was the start of a horrible cycle.
you may not wanna hear this but you are just where you are supposed to be.
yes it is normal I would say because I had the same things once.
the word cravings usually points to physical cravings which happens when we take the first drink.It is explained in the Dr`s Opinion in the Big Book.
Now the word obsession usually points to the mental thoughts of drinking,especially when we are sober.
However,if you are feeling like you are having physical cravings,it may be your body wanting sugar.We sometimes mistake that for a alcohol craving since alcohol has sugar in it.Sweets or candy sometimes helps newcomers when that arises.Have you tried that when you feel like you are getting a craving?
Also,the thoughts you are having are pretty normal too.More About Alcoholism, chapter 3 in the Big Book,talks about the obsession to drink more thoroughly.
Please be careful of those creeping thoughts.This is the subtle obsession to drink trying to get you to drink.Try not to "romance " the thought of a drink when those thoughts happen.I used to try hard to remember those horrible times when I was drunk to help me see the truth when a drinking thought came up.It was more than a drink,it was the start of a horrible cycle.
you may not wanna hear this but you are just where you are supposed to be.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 68
Hi, again, thanks for your responses.
My sponsor tells me it's very normal to have cravings and the creeping thought that I could drink again. She suggests I attend regular meetings, which I do, and recall my written Step 1, which outlined in black and white how despite a relatively long period without alcohol or non-prescribed chemicals my drinking was abnormal from the start, and had consequences. Also, she pointed out, and I've heard in meetings, that my behaviour dry can be as destructive as when I'm drinking, which experience bears out. This is partially, I believe, due to the fact that I can fix on many things other than alcohol and chemicals.
She also suggested that Step 1 involves getting to a place of trusting a meeting enough to share and connect with myself about how I am powerless over alcohol and how it has made my life unmanageable. That's proving to be a process for various reasons.
Re: romancing the thought of a drink - I'm so scared of drinking at present that pretty much as soon as I get the thought I check out what meeting I'm going to or do some reading on Step 1. Sometimes I will distract myself by doing something else entirely.
At this point, me drinking would have very serious consequences for myself and others and what I've heard described as "the yets" are just around the corner if I drink, I'm convinced of that.
I'd like the fear to go away though.
My sponsor tells me it's very normal to have cravings and the creeping thought that I could drink again. She suggests I attend regular meetings, which I do, and recall my written Step 1, which outlined in black and white how despite a relatively long period without alcohol or non-prescribed chemicals my drinking was abnormal from the start, and had consequences. Also, she pointed out, and I've heard in meetings, that my behaviour dry can be as destructive as when I'm drinking, which experience bears out. This is partially, I believe, due to the fact that I can fix on many things other than alcohol and chemicals.
She also suggested that Step 1 involves getting to a place of trusting a meeting enough to share and connect with myself about how I am powerless over alcohol and how it has made my life unmanageable. That's proving to be a process for various reasons.
Re: romancing the thought of a drink - I'm so scared of drinking at present that pretty much as soon as I get the thought I check out what meeting I'm going to or do some reading on Step 1. Sometimes I will distract myself by doing something else entirely.
At this point, me drinking would have very serious consequences for myself and others and what I've heard described as "the yets" are just around the corner if I drink, I'm convinced of that.
I'd like the fear to go away though.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 68
PS. Re: sugar, yes, I do find myself craving sugary things. I have had a serious eating disorder in the past and that being set off is a trigger for me to drink so it's a balancing act at present re: not depriving myself of something sweet but not overdoing it either.
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