How to handle a relapse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4
How to handle a relapse
Hey, I am in need of some advice. I have been married for almost seven years in Oct. I love my husband very much. We have two beautiful girls.He has been strugling with addiction. He went to a rehab last year for opiates and meth. He was coming up to his one year. Well today he is now in the hospital he has relapsed all of our worst fears. He is now doing opiates and crack has been using opiates for at least 6 months and crack for 2 months could be longer not sure.Before he went to rehab last time we lost our house, his car, and the loss of a lot of money. This time it is the same thing. I am left to pick up ghe pieces again.I do not know what to do I feel lost, mad, sad. If any here has gone through this I would please like someone to talk to please.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 445
Welcome to SR ...
I'm so sorry that your family is going through this.
My situation is not exactly like yours; but my Boyfriend relapsed right before Xmas and suffered an od with time in hospital; so I can relate to your raw emotions.
There is lots of information here and your not alone with your fears.
Others will be along with more knowledge than I have; as I'm new to all this also. Came here in a panic couple months ago, but Ive learned a lot and grown stronger.
I think it's normal to experience a range of emotions right now; just give yourself some time to process all of it.
Is your husband in hosital now, or did he go into rehab?
I'm so sorry that your family is going through this.
My situation is not exactly like yours; but my Boyfriend relapsed right before Xmas and suffered an od with time in hospital; so I can relate to your raw emotions.
There is lots of information here and your not alone with your fears.
Others will be along with more knowledge than I have; as I'm new to all this also. Came here in a panic couple months ago, but Ive learned a lot and grown stronger.
I think it's normal to experience a range of emotions right now; just give yourself some time to process all of it.
Is your husband in hosital now, or did he go into rehab?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4
O am very new to this, last time I really dis not reach out to anyone. Right now he is waiting for a detox center that has a bed for him. He had one that was available but would not take him bc his toxic screen was to high. Thank you for some feed back.
Present
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
hi Ash, I'm dealing with relapse too. I have an AH and as I grew up my mom had addictions to prescription medications. I am not new to relapse but am new to understanding it from the perspective of Al-Anon / Nar-Anon. I just am responding here on my way to bed to let you know you are not alone and will, I'm sure, receive more responses from people as time goes on. I'll be reading and learning right along with you. I hope you get some sleep tonight. Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Hello ash, you will receive more responses tomorrow, but I want to welcome you to SR and to encourage you to take care of your children and let your AH take care of his disease. He has been in rehab and he knows help is available to him and that recovery is possible. His help will come from recovering addicts and drug counselors, it cannot come from you. Your job is to take care of your children, not your husband's addiction.
Please do not despair, as relapse is common with drug addicts but many can get back on track and accumulate clean days and months and years again. If he truly wants this, he knows where to go for help.
Most important of all, do not enable his addiction, do not rescue him in any way from the consequences of drug abuse, unless you find him in overdose and need to call an ambulance. Otherwise, whatever crises his addiction creates must be dealt with by him, not you.
It would be wonderful if you could ask family members for help for you and your children in this time, if possible. But if they do not understand addiction and cannot support your decision not to enable your husband, they will not be of real help.
Did you find recovery yourself when he was in treatment before? Did you find a support group for families of addicts? Did you get help from a counselor? To be alone with addiction is just too hard, you will suffer from isolation and confusion and possibly manipulation by the addict. Please do not be alone, as it will hurt you and what hurts you hurts your children.
I'm sorry for all you have lost thus far. It has been devastating, I'm sure. Everyone here has lost so much due to addiction and gone through terrible times of crisis. But we got help, got recovery for ourselves, and we got better and our lives got better.
We could not have done it alone, though. Addiction is too powerful and it creates in us thinking and behaviors which are irrational and destructive.
You are not alone. There are so many who have been where you are, and when you reach out for them, they will listen.
I hope this is a better week for you, and that both you and your husband put together your own treatments plans, separately but with the same goal: a healthy life for your family.
Wishing you all the best this night. Please post as much as you need. There is much experience here from people who have been in recovery for decades.
Please do not despair, as relapse is common with drug addicts but many can get back on track and accumulate clean days and months and years again. If he truly wants this, he knows where to go for help.
Most important of all, do not enable his addiction, do not rescue him in any way from the consequences of drug abuse, unless you find him in overdose and need to call an ambulance. Otherwise, whatever crises his addiction creates must be dealt with by him, not you.
It would be wonderful if you could ask family members for help for you and your children in this time, if possible. But if they do not understand addiction and cannot support your decision not to enable your husband, they will not be of real help.
Did you find recovery yourself when he was in treatment before? Did you find a support group for families of addicts? Did you get help from a counselor? To be alone with addiction is just too hard, you will suffer from isolation and confusion and possibly manipulation by the addict. Please do not be alone, as it will hurt you and what hurts you hurts your children.
I'm sorry for all you have lost thus far. It has been devastating, I'm sure. Everyone here has lost so much due to addiction and gone through terrible times of crisis. But we got help, got recovery for ourselves, and we got better and our lives got better.
We could not have done it alone, though. Addiction is too powerful and it creates in us thinking and behaviors which are irrational and destructive.
You are not alone. There are so many who have been where you are, and when you reach out for them, they will listen.
I hope this is a better week for you, and that both you and your husband put together your own treatments plans, separately but with the same goal: a healthy life for your family.
Wishing you all the best this night. Please post as much as you need. There is much experience here from people who have been in recovery for decades.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Glad you found your way over here, Ash! Welcome, again!!
Others will be along soon to share their experience, strength, and hope (ES&H). Relapse is scary, and I remember being on pins and needles waiting for whatever might happen next with "Jr.".
I agree that you deserve to make yourself and your daughters a priority right now. Your husband's struggle is his own to fight.
Hugs for you and the girls! I'll keep all of you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. HG
Others will be along soon to share their experience, strength, and hope (ES&H). Relapse is scary, and I remember being on pins and needles waiting for whatever might happen next with "Jr.".
I agree that you deserve to make yourself and your daughters a priority right now. Your husband's struggle is his own to fight.
Hugs for you and the girls! I'll keep all of you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. HG
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4
EG: last time I did not seek counseling, at the time I was pregnant and very sick all the time. But yes I should of looked for something.
Thank yall very much for the support!
Update on my husband he was released today and taking to a mental health center. But his actions that he was doing while he was using is starting to come to the surface, he pawned on of his best friends wife wedding ring the couple filed a police report that it was missing and thank god was recovered this morning at a pawn shop. My husband now has four warrants out for his arrest once he leaves the mental health hospital that he is not aware off yet. I was cleaning my house today packing some things and I come across what they call is a pipe pusher( I guess is what u call it). I was cleaning beside his bed side and found crack on the floor(I flushed). The maintenance man were I live knocked on my door and was wanting to talk to Allen I just informed him that he is not here and will be gone for some time. He told me that he has cought my husband smoking crack outside 4 times in the car and that he(maintenance man) was a recovery addict himself and that he has been clean for 6 years now and that he was trying to help my husband and that he also found crack pipes around were he has seen my husband at and 2 on the play ground were little children play. I am now just lost for words I am scared to be in my own home. What else am I going to find or find out. I have had alot of anger towards him. On a lighter note I have had great support through family and friends. I have some great people the be able to lean on.
Thank yall very much for the support!
Update on my husband he was released today and taking to a mental health center. But his actions that he was doing while he was using is starting to come to the surface, he pawned on of his best friends wife wedding ring the couple filed a police report that it was missing and thank god was recovered this morning at a pawn shop. My husband now has four warrants out for his arrest once he leaves the mental health hospital that he is not aware off yet. I was cleaning my house today packing some things and I come across what they call is a pipe pusher( I guess is what u call it). I was cleaning beside his bed side and found crack on the floor(I flushed). The maintenance man were I live knocked on my door and was wanting to talk to Allen I just informed him that he is not here and will be gone for some time. He told me that he has cought my husband smoking crack outside 4 times in the car and that he(maintenance man) was a recovery addict himself and that he has been clean for 6 years now and that he was trying to help my husband and that he also found crack pipes around were he has seen my husband at and 2 on the play ground were little children play. I am now just lost for words I am scared to be in my own home. What else am I going to find or find out. I have had alot of anger towards him. On a lighter note I have had great support through family and friends. I have some great people the be able to lean on.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
dear ash, I am sorry that you are making such awful discoveries. I hope that reading here, and getting informed and insight from other people helps you with the struggle. for me it is very helpful to know that this is a widespread problem and that I am not alone, that so many people have had to deal with similarities. When we love someone it is hard to believe that who we love is being stolen away be drugs, and in your case where there are two lovely daughters involved it must feel tragic right now.
I want to say to you what most others will tell you...with recovery it gets better. And I mean YOUR recovery. Addiction is a family disease, and I don't just mean family of origin. Crack is the drug of choice of the man I love, and it can be particularly ferocious, as far as I know a person has to give it everything they've got to make it through to being clean, and then it's one day at a time. And there is nothing you can do. The 3C's of recovery for those who are involved with an addict are that you didn't Cause it, you can't Cure it and you can't Control it. This is a simple statement, and it is time tested and proven true, and it is enough work to keep you busy on your self for many, many days to come.
I have been working on this since I met the "love of my life" over two years ago. I have read everything I possibly can both about his addiction and whatever codependency issues that I have, I go to meetings, I write A LOT, I reach out...there is a lot that we can do to help ourselves. And we need to help ourselves. Your husband is going to have to fight for a clean life...and then only if he truly deeply is able to. He likely will not be able to give you answers because he needs to be deep in a process of recovery for himself. You will find answers for you if you look for them, go one day at a time, and love yourself, your daughters and look toward love and life. It will be hard.
Why will it be hard? Because addiction is a family disease, the symptoms of addiction are not only in the addict but it the people who are interconnected. The symptoms? For me the symptoms were anguish, despair, MAJOR confusion, anger, blame, shame, an intense desire to be different from everyone else who was struggling with similar problems, sleeplessness, sadness, tears, wanting to know every detail, not wanting to know, and denial about how bad it was. I think the fatal symptom for me had to do with my hopeless romantic side...crack kept killing trust, and lack of trust is toxic to any relationship.
I'll try to wrap this up. This is based on my story...it is how I can maybe share Experience, Strength and/or Hope with you. My hope right now is that a lot/most of my symptoms are gone. I do not feel despair, anguish, panic, I know what I need to know, I get support from others, I have a deeper understanding of this mans struggle and I really know now that there is nothing I can do. What did not get better? He is still sneaking out on binge use with crack. What did not get better? My trust with him. And that is okay, that is understandable. I do not need to trust an addict. I do trust in love and I realize that love cannot thrive without trust. I am deep enough in my own recovery to know that I want love and trust in my world. An addict cannot fill that need.
I want to say to you what most others will tell you...with recovery it gets better. And I mean YOUR recovery. Addiction is a family disease, and I don't just mean family of origin. Crack is the drug of choice of the man I love, and it can be particularly ferocious, as far as I know a person has to give it everything they've got to make it through to being clean, and then it's one day at a time. And there is nothing you can do. The 3C's of recovery for those who are involved with an addict are that you didn't Cause it, you can't Cure it and you can't Control it. This is a simple statement, and it is time tested and proven true, and it is enough work to keep you busy on your self for many, many days to come.
I have been working on this since I met the "love of my life" over two years ago. I have read everything I possibly can both about his addiction and whatever codependency issues that I have, I go to meetings, I write A LOT, I reach out...there is a lot that we can do to help ourselves. And we need to help ourselves. Your husband is going to have to fight for a clean life...and then only if he truly deeply is able to. He likely will not be able to give you answers because he needs to be deep in a process of recovery for himself. You will find answers for you if you look for them, go one day at a time, and love yourself, your daughters and look toward love and life. It will be hard.
Why will it be hard? Because addiction is a family disease, the symptoms of addiction are not only in the addict but it the people who are interconnected. The symptoms? For me the symptoms were anguish, despair, MAJOR confusion, anger, blame, shame, an intense desire to be different from everyone else who was struggling with similar problems, sleeplessness, sadness, tears, wanting to know every detail, not wanting to know, and denial about how bad it was. I think the fatal symptom for me had to do with my hopeless romantic side...crack kept killing trust, and lack of trust is toxic to any relationship.
I'll try to wrap this up. This is based on my story...it is how I can maybe share Experience, Strength and/or Hope with you. My hope right now is that a lot/most of my symptoms are gone. I do not feel despair, anguish, panic, I know what I need to know, I get support from others, I have a deeper understanding of this mans struggle and I really know now that there is nothing I can do. What did not get better? He is still sneaking out on binge use with crack. What did not get better? My trust with him. And that is okay, that is understandable. I do not need to trust an addict. I do trust in love and I realize that love cannot thrive without trust. I am deep enough in my own recovery to know that I want love and trust in my world. An addict cannot fill that need.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4
I have not been on here in a while. Update is that my husband got picked up by the cops he served sometime in the local jail for a burglary charge and theft. He went to court Friday and has 40 hr of communityservice, 5 years probation, some fines and etc... He is currently staying at a rehab and will be there for 6 months. I am happy with the outcomes so now we just wait I guess we see what he choices to do with it from here. I feel safe known that he is some were safe and not on the streets. I have gotten over my anger towards him I have UPS an downs. I wish him the best if luck and hope and pray that he can do this I am trying to be very supportive and encouraging. I love him with all of my heart I do still feel that I need to be guard of him. He seems very happy. I will post more very tired!
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