my boyfriend's in rehab
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 5
my boyfriend's in rehab
two weeks ago today i dropped my boyfriend off at a 28 day inpatient rehab. we have lived together for almost a year now and being away from him is harder than i expected. after reading many stories online i'm beginning to be very worried about the future of our relationship. his addiction to heroin was very straining on both of our lives. when he finally agreed to go to rehab, he began abusing it even more to "say goodbye" to it. if he had not made the promise to go get help, i wouldn't have been able to stay with him any longer. he began stealing money from me, using my car after i deliberately told him not to, and even asking me to take him to get drugs, which was completely out of the question. i know that getting him into rehab was the first step of a long process. he had been calling me everyday and i go see him twice a week. a few days ago the phone calls stopped. i know that he's doing some serious soul searching and i definitely don't want to interfere with his recovery but i'm so, so scared he's going to leave me when he gets out. i've stuck by his side through everything and i know he wants to get better for us but now i'm second guessing everything. i just don't know what to do or how to handle any of this. any advice?
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR. You've found a great place to get support for you. Your boyfriend will be (hopefully) working with his new sober friends for support. It's important for you to have a source of support as well.
While he is in rehab getting the very important help he needs, it's a great time for you to concentrate on how to best take care of yourself through this.
If you haven't already read CoDependent No More by Melodie Beatty, now would be a great time to do so. It will help pass the time while he's in rehab and you might get some great insight. If you have any Al-anon or Nar-Anon meetings closeby, you might consider going to several. Those meetings will give you some insight into the 12step process that he is most likely being exposed to in rehab. It will help you speak the same language.
Most importantly, consider taking care of yourself FIRST and foremost. That is the most helpful thing we can do for ourselves and for our addicted loved ones.
gentle hugs
ke
While he is in rehab getting the very important help he needs, it's a great time for you to concentrate on how to best take care of yourself through this.
If you haven't already read CoDependent No More by Melodie Beatty, now would be a great time to do so. It will help pass the time while he's in rehab and you might get some great insight. If you have any Al-anon or Nar-Anon meetings closeby, you might consider going to several. Those meetings will give you some insight into the 12step process that he is most likely being exposed to in rehab. It will help you speak the same language.
Most importantly, consider taking care of yourself FIRST and foremost. That is the most helpful thing we can do for ourselves and for our addicted loved ones.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((kat))) - welcome to SR! I agree with ((Kindeyes)) - while he is working on him, this is the perfect opportunity to work on you.
I was in love with A's (alcoholic, then 2 addicts) for decades. Eventually, my way of dealing with it (totally wrong) was to begin using, became an addict myself and am in recovery.
It wasn't until I came here, that I realized MY "sticking by him, no matter what" actually contributed to the problem. I'm not saying the same is true for you, but it's something to think about.
You are right that rehab is only the first step. He will never be cured of addiction. He can, however, find recovery. I do believe in hope and prayer, but I also believe in looking at things realistically. I hope you read the other threads here. Granted, most are by people who have/are struggling and there really aren't many "success stories" but I think it will help you see what addiction is truly like.
There are success stories, but it requires both partners being true to themselves, trust and respect.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I was in love with A's (alcoholic, then 2 addicts) for decades. Eventually, my way of dealing with it (totally wrong) was to begin using, became an addict myself and am in recovery.
It wasn't until I came here, that I realized MY "sticking by him, no matter what" actually contributed to the problem. I'm not saying the same is true for you, but it's something to think about.
You are right that rehab is only the first step. He will never be cured of addiction. He can, however, find recovery. I do believe in hope and prayer, but I also believe in looking at things realistically. I hope you read the other threads here. Granted, most are by people who have/are struggling and there really aren't many "success stories" but I think it will help you see what addiction is truly like.
There are success stories, but it requires both partners being true to themselves, trust and respect.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: ohio
Posts: 33
kat89, your post just hit so close to home for me. I wrote a very similar post mid December and I'm happy to report things are going well for my now recovering heroin addict boyfriend. it's definitely hard while they're away but I kept a journal while he was gone and gave it to him after..and just to release my own feelings. i also read the above mentioned book and it helped me realize a lot. like you I am scared everyday that my life will fall apart again but hope and faith gets me through to the next day. most days are good now, but some bad still exist. hang in there and know you're not alone!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Robersonville, NC
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by kat89 
two weeks ago today i dropped my boyfriend off at a 28 day inpatient rehab. we have lived together for almost a year now and being away from him is harder than i expected. after reading many stories online i'm beginning to be very worried about the future of our relationship. his addiction to heroin was very straining on both of our lives. when he finally agreed to go to rehab, he began abusing it even more to "say goodbye" to it. if he had not made the promise to go get help, i wouldn't have been able to stay with him any longer. he began stealing money from me, using my car after i deliberately told him not to, and even asking me to take him to get drugs, which was completely out of the question. i know that getting him into rehab was the first step of a long process. he had been calling me everyday and i go see him twice a week. a few days ago the phone calls stopped. i know that he's doing some serious soul searching and i definitely don't want to interfere with his recovery but i'm so, so scared he's going to leave me when he gets out. i've stuck by his side through everything and i know he wants to get better for us but now i'm second guessing everything. i just don't know what to do or how to handle any of this. any advice?
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Brooklyn NY
Posts: 156
Hi kat89, u really have come to the right place. I can relate to how u are feeling. My fiance went into rehab about 3 weeks ago and at first it is so scary wondering what's going to happen to ur relationship once he gets out, I can totally relate to that. I too have been able to speak to my fiance everyday but I haven't seen him since he went in. I have to agree with what everyone else has said to u. U need to take this time to focus on urself and get urself better. I am pretty new to all of this as well but I will tell u that in the short amount of time I have been a member of SR, it has opened my eyes to a lot of things that I didn't see before. I've started to understand a lot of my own codependency issues and while its so hard to take in, it really has helped me become a stronger person. What I've learned to understand and accept is I have no control over the results of his therapy, whether he stays sober or relapses or decides he can't be in a relationship. I have no control over the outcome but I do have control over how I am going to handle whatever may come my way and how I am going to make sure that I come out of this in one piece with my sanity still in tact. And all of that will be through the education and support I get on here, reading codependent no more and making my way into some Alanon meetings. I do hope that u can seek the same support for urself and I do hope for the best for u and for ur boyfriend 
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Originally Posted by imisshimsomuch
My boyfriend went to rehab Monday. It's a 6-9 month program. He's addicted to heroin and spice and Idk how to cope with him being gone. please help.
Welcome to the Board. I'm sorry for what has brought you here.
I'm going to see if I can get your post moved over to a new thread so that we can talk about you. Hang tight.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by kat89
two weeks ago today i dropped my boyfriend off at a 28 day inpatient rehab. we have lived together for almost a year now and being away from him is harder than i expected. after reading many stories online i'm beginning to be very worried about the future of our relationship. his addiction to heroin was very straining on both of our lives. when he finally agreed to go to rehab, he began abusing it even more to "say goodbye" to it. if he had not made the promise to go get help, i wouldn't have been able to stay with him any longer. he began stealing money from me, using my car after i deliberately told him not to, and even asking me to take him to get drugs, which was completely out of the question. i know that getting him into rehab was the first step of a long process. he had been calling me everyday and i go see him twice a week. a few days ago the phone calls stopped. i know that he's doing some serious soul searching and i definitely don't want to interfere with his recovery but i'm so, so scared he's going to leave me when he gets out. i've stuck by his side through everything and i know he wants to get better for us but now i'm second guessing everything. i just don't know what to do or how to handle any of this. any advice?
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 2
Thank you for your reply! I agree completely, I want him to heal from all his past. I want him to take any time needed, after all it is needed! ^_^
I'm more worried about his trust issue in our relationship and also the fact that he says because of his past relationships he really has a hard time with opening up to me. He is so stuck, that's why he used to drink. He gets so upset to the point that he just balls up in bed some days. We get along great, there is no problem there. The fact that he has never sought help before and now he is made to go to rehab really worries me. We just did our family session today and considering the whole long story, honestly I don't feel like he should have to go through this type of treatment. But I'm no judge and if this is what it takes for him to get better I'm all for it. I dunno, I'm worried about losing him to some one in there after all they all live eat and breathe together. I'm all over the place I'm sorry lol there is so much going through my mind...
I'm more worried about his trust issue in our relationship and also the fact that he says because of his past relationships he really has a hard time with opening up to me. He is so stuck, that's why he used to drink. He gets so upset to the point that he just balls up in bed some days. We get along great, there is no problem there. The fact that he has never sought help before and now he is made to go to rehab really worries me. We just did our family session today and considering the whole long story, honestly I don't feel like he should have to go through this type of treatment. But I'm no judge and if this is what it takes for him to get better I'm all for it. I dunno, I'm worried about losing him to some one in there after all they all live eat and breathe together. I'm all over the place I'm sorry lol there is so much going through my mind...
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