kat89, your post just hit so close to home for me. I wrote a very similar post mid December and I'm happy to report things are going well for my now recovering heroin addict boyfriend. it's definitely hard while they're away but I kept a journal while he was gone and gave it to him after..and just to release my own feelings. i also read the above mentioned book and it helped me realize a lot. like you I am scared everyday that my life will fall apart again but hope and faith gets me through to the next day. most days are good now, but some bad still exist. hang in there and know you're not alone!