Deja Vu
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 139
Deja Vu
So, we had the same discussion again today.
I woke up to find sticky wine and broken glass all over the kitchen floor.
When he got up, I asked him to clean it up, and said that it wasn't cool to cut my foot on broken glass this morning and that I don't think it's okay to leave broken glass around with a 2 year old in the house.
I was of course "overreacting" (I never raised my voice) and it "just happened once" so I should forgive and forget. (It has happened many times before.)
I ended up sweeping it up and mopping the floor, because he was blatantly not doing it... if it was just us, I would have left it for him, but my DS does not need glass in his feet.
I made eggs for breakfast (for all of us). He went back to the bedroom with his and slammed the door.
Soon after, he called me back to talk, and I went.
Basically, was the exact same conversation as last week. I'm ruining our marriage by not having sex with him, and he can drink if he wants to, because he has such a hard life, and he has to deal with my **** somehow.
QUACK QUACK QUACK is all I heard.
AND, he said he wants to see other people, clearly to get a reaction out of me, because I said, if that's what you want to do, I won't stop you. And he got all up in arms about that. I "obviously don't love him".
OH, and this time he called me out about going to Al-Anon, mocking me and calling them "BOOHOO Meetings".
He then said he's going to leave for a couple of months, but will send money for bills (unlikely) and visit DS. "So that I can think about what I want." aka roll around in sadness missing him.
His mom picked him up a couple of hours ago, I know he'll be back because he didn't take any clothes or his truck.
Guess it's wait and see at this point.
I woke up to find sticky wine and broken glass all over the kitchen floor.
When he got up, I asked him to clean it up, and said that it wasn't cool to cut my foot on broken glass this morning and that I don't think it's okay to leave broken glass around with a 2 year old in the house.
I was of course "overreacting" (I never raised my voice) and it "just happened once" so I should forgive and forget. (It has happened many times before.)
I ended up sweeping it up and mopping the floor, because he was blatantly not doing it... if it was just us, I would have left it for him, but my DS does not need glass in his feet.
I made eggs for breakfast (for all of us). He went back to the bedroom with his and slammed the door.
Soon after, he called me back to talk, and I went.
Basically, was the exact same conversation as last week. I'm ruining our marriage by not having sex with him, and he can drink if he wants to, because he has such a hard life, and he has to deal with my **** somehow.
QUACK QUACK QUACK is all I heard.
AND, he said he wants to see other people, clearly to get a reaction out of me, because I said, if that's what you want to do, I won't stop you. And he got all up in arms about that. I "obviously don't love him".
OH, and this time he called me out about going to Al-Anon, mocking me and calling them "BOOHOO Meetings".
He then said he's going to leave for a couple of months, but will send money for bills (unlikely) and visit DS. "So that I can think about what I want." aka roll around in sadness missing him.
His mom picked him up a couple of hours ago, I know he'll be back because he didn't take any clothes or his truck.
Guess it's wait and see at this point.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by CagedBird 
I ended up sweeping it up and mopping the floor, because he was blatantly not doing it... if it was just us, I would have left it for him, but my DS does not need glass in his feet.
I made eggs for breakfast (for all of us). He went back to the bedroom with his and slammed the door.
I made eggs for breakfast (for all of us). He went back to the bedroom with his and slammed the door.
Scene #1, the adult male makes a dangerous mess and shifts the blame and responsibility to the other adult.
Scene #2, instead of showing respect and appreciation for the meal provision, the adult male has a temper tantrum and marches off to his room.
I am glad you have plans for removing your child and yourself from this environment.
May I suggest a plan B if he does the alcoholic mess again (as there is a history), get your child dressed and packed and leave the alcoholic with the mess. That is what I did.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 146
Just curious but if he said he wants to see other people why would you want him to come back to the house and live with you and your child? I used to get the garbage talk about lack of sex ruining our relationship too. Why on earth would I even want to have sex with a slobbering falling down drunk???? Unbelievable how they come up with things to blame for ruining a relationship other than their own behavior. Yeah right - the lack of sex turns them into obnoxious drunks.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
i probably would have taken the swept up glass and dumped it right back on his head or his side of the bed or something!
Then gone and changed the locks.
However, you say that he is now back. Dang. I hope that soon you can get you and your son out of this place if he will not leave. The 'tension', the 'actions', are being absorbed by your son.
Sending good thoughts an prayers for you, your son, and yes that your AH's HP helps him.
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 139
I put DS to bed, and while I was washing my face tonight, AH came in and asked for sex.
What resulted was 2 hours of me sitting on the counter in the bathroom while he yelled at me from the door.
Nothing new, just a lot of really loud quacking. He's been listening to rap tonight, so he's really drunk and really angry.
I tried to stay unemotional and not respond a lot. Which seemed to make it worse... but I think it would have been longer, louder and more dramatic if I engaged.
It ended with him saying FU and slamming a lot of doors and saying he's gone after Christmas.
So, I went to bed in my DS's room and brought in the dog, and closed the door. Heard lots of banging around and trash bags. He packed up his stuff and left.
When I was sure he was gone, I went and checked, and then I called the police to report him drunk driving.
I'm really shaking now, and not sure about what to expect from here. Don't know how I'm going to get any sleep tonight.
I really hope they pick him up.
What resulted was 2 hours of me sitting on the counter in the bathroom while he yelled at me from the door.
Nothing new, just a lot of really loud quacking. He's been listening to rap tonight, so he's really drunk and really angry.
I tried to stay unemotional and not respond a lot. Which seemed to make it worse... but I think it would have been longer, louder and more dramatic if I engaged.
It ended with him saying FU and slamming a lot of doors and saying he's gone after Christmas.
So, I went to bed in my DS's room and brought in the dog, and closed the door. Heard lots of banging around and trash bags. He packed up his stuff and left.
When I was sure he was gone, I went and checked, and then I called the police to report him drunk driving.
I'm really shaking now, and not sure about what to expect from here. Don't know how I'm going to get any sleep tonight.
I really hope they pick him up.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
(((Hugs)))
Good on you.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I am concerned for your safety. His behavior is unpredictable, especially as he understands you are leaving.
Please consider calling your local domestic violence shelter and share with them the events of this weekend. They can offer options and tips on keeping yourself, child and pet safe.
Good on you.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I am concerned for your safety. His behavior is unpredictable, especially as he understands you are leaving.
Please consider calling your local domestic violence shelter and share with them the events of this weekend. They can offer options and tips on keeping yourself, child and pet safe.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 427
oh gosh. I hope they picked him up and you are ok. Maybe a no contact order is in order? Even a temporary one for now would be better than nothing. I once moved the lock/knob from the back door to the front and vise/versa. It didn't involve changing the locks, but it was confusing enough for my A that he thought I did. Maybe an idea? I have so been there, what you are going through makes my stomach turn and takes me back in my mind to such a dark place. I hope you are okay today, please let us know when you can.
M
M
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 139
Thank you all for your concern.
I locked the top lock, which cannot be opened from outside, and brought the dog and DS into the master bedroom and locked that door too.
Managed to get a few hours of sleep.
Don't know anything new. I assume that if he got picked up, someone would have called me by now... but you never know. He probably got to wherever he was headed.
I'll be suprised if he's not there when I get home, but I guess we'll see. I hope not. It would be nice to have a peaceful evening with DS.
I locked the top lock, which cannot be opened from outside, and brought the dog and DS into the master bedroom and locked that door too.
Managed to get a few hours of sleep.
Don't know anything new. I assume that if he got picked up, someone would have called me by now... but you never know. He probably got to wherever he was headed.
I'll be suprised if he's not there when I get home, but I guess we'll see. I hope not. It would be nice to have a peaceful evening with DS.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
I hope you get a peaceful night. I live outside Austin and have called SafePlace (512-267-7233)for help before. They were very nice and very helpful. I wouldn't feel shy calling them if you ever need help in a situation like that. They'll even just talk to you if that's what you need.
Be careful.. I remember times like this so well. Thankfully for me it did get better but it's a very scary time.
Be careful.. I remember times like this so well. Thankfully for me it did get better but it's a very scary time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 23
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I know exactly what you mean about the lack of sex being all your fault, even though he is the one who is always stinking of alcohol. I wish you and your son a very Merry Christmas and a safe and peaceful new year.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
No one should live the way you're living! I know that since I lived it too.
You deserve so much more.
The madness will continue until you put a stop on it.
He is used to manipulating you, and since you can not be so easily manipulated any more his bad behavior will escalate. If he really wants to leave he would have left by now. IMHO he's doing all that in order to get you where he wants you.
How much more of it you can put up?
Usually I'm very reluctant to give advices to people on SR, but I feel compeled to say: for the sake of your sanity you have to remove yourself and your DS from that madness.
It doesn't get better, it just gets worse.
Please take care of yourself. It sounds to me that right now you're at the turning point, please make the most of it.
I didn't understand your last post, is he back now?
If he is not, don't let him back. It will give you both some time to think about things.
From where I stand, by the sound of it, the way he acts he is nowhere even close to seeking sobriety, regardless of what he might promise in order to get you back if it comes to it.
Sorry, but that is only my opinion.
Take care
HUGS
You deserve so much more.
The madness will continue until you put a stop on it.
He is used to manipulating you, and since you can not be so easily manipulated any more his bad behavior will escalate. If he really wants to leave he would have left by now. IMHO he's doing all that in order to get you where he wants you.
How much more of it you can put up?
Usually I'm very reluctant to give advices to people on SR, but I feel compeled to say: for the sake of your sanity you have to remove yourself and your DS from that madness.
It doesn't get better, it just gets worse.
Please take care of yourself. It sounds to me that right now you're at the turning point, please make the most of it.
I didn't understand your last post, is he back now?
If he is not, don't let him back. It will give you both some time to think about things.
From where I stand, by the sound of it, the way he acts he is nowhere even close to seeking sobriety, regardless of what he might promise in order to get you back if it comes to it.
Sorry, but that is only my opinion.
Take care
HUGS
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 139
Yes, he came back. Saying he's sorry for yelling, and he "can work with me on drinking" and we can work together on bills... and make this thing work.
It would be nice if that's what would really happen, but I've been around long enough to know that ACTIONS speak louder than words.
My plans have not changed, and will not unless there are some major changes.
The only reason I am still here at all is purely financial. I do have an exit plan though, and I'm working it.
A couple more months, and I will have my own peaceful place.
It would be nice if that's what would really happen, but I've been around long enough to know that ACTIONS speak louder than words.
My plans have not changed, and will not unless there are some major changes.
The only reason I am still here at all is purely financial. I do have an exit plan though, and I'm working it.
A couple more months, and I will have my own peaceful place.
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