Driving Under The Influence
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
I took their car in and put a breathalyzer on it. It costs $250 every 2-3 months but is worth it's weight in gold. I can sleep nights and I am not financially or morally or emotionally responsible for this bad choice under the influence anymore.
The car is in my name but my AH drives it. He is never allowed the keys to my car.
The car is in my name but my AH drives it. He is never allowed the keys to my car.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: No Surf In Cleveland USA
Posts: 60
Yep, I had to call the police on my wife when she drove drunk. Last winter I was at work and my son called me and said mom was drunk and was going to drive. I said I'll call the police from where I was working and notify them. Well the cops showed at the house right away and all the AW wanted to do was tell the police that my son is a rage-a-holic. From what I was told later by the police was that they said they did'nt know what that was, but they knew a drunk when they see one and "lady you're drunk and don't drive". She told them she was'nt drunk. The police left the home, nothing they could do. Well she takes off 5 minutes later anyways. My son calls me again and then I called the police. She got out and missed the police this time. The police asked my son which way did he thought she would go. My son told them to the closest town north because it had a state store. They got her 15 minutes later entering a Interstate highway ramp. She blew a .22. No she was'nt drunk ! LMAO ! Glad no one got hurt and she can't drive for 2 years now. Funny thing later my son & I got SHEET from the AW and a couple of her straight friends and from her dad a retired Deputy Sheriff. They said we set her up !!! They can all lump it ! I say call the cops on a drunk ! Save someones life !
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
I sure wish someone had called the cops the night my brother was killed by one. He was only 19 years old and he was taken away from a family that loved him very much.
It devastated my mom no parent should ever have to bury their child!
Put it this way yeah she will be mad but you are possibly saving her life and others.
How would you be able to deal with knowing you could have called and then God forbid she wiped out a whole family just on their way to whatever? Or she wrapped herself around a tree. Its worth someone getting upset don't ya think?
It devastated my mom no parent should ever have to bury their child!
Put it this way yeah she will be mad but you are possibly saving her life and others.
How would you be able to deal with knowing you could have called and then God forbid she wiped out a whole family just on their way to whatever? Or she wrapped herself around a tree. Its worth someone getting upset don't ya think?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 255
I just watched a documentary on HBO called Something's Wrong with Aunt Diane. It's about Diane Schuler, who drove on the wrong side of the Interstate and killed herself and 7 people, including four children riding in her own car.
Compounding the tragedy is that her blood alcohol level was .19 (twice the legal limit), along with traces of Marijuana. A large bottle of vodka was found in the van.
Sadly, her husband and sister in law are still in denial, refusing to believe that she would have been so irresponsible. They keep grasping at straws, insisting that she must have had a stroke or something like that. Unfortunately, those of us who live with alcoholics know that they can, and do behave irresponsibly on a regular basis.
Anyone who lives with an alcoholic that routinely drives drunk should probably watch this documentary... not to make them feel guilty, but to wake them up to the time bomb ticking in their lives.
Compounding the tragedy is that her blood alcohol level was .19 (twice the legal limit), along with traces of Marijuana. A large bottle of vodka was found in the van.
Sadly, her husband and sister in law are still in denial, refusing to believe that she would have been so irresponsible. They keep grasping at straws, insisting that she must have had a stroke or something like that. Unfortunately, those of us who live with alcoholics know that they can, and do behave irresponsibly on a regular basis.
Anyone who lives with an alcoholic that routinely drives drunk should probably watch this documentary... not to make them feel guilty, but to wake them up to the time bomb ticking in their lives.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
I am currently living with my AH husband (30 yrs). I am here for now, but haven't decided that I'll be here forever. Day in and day out, it's not that bad, but is it enough? I don't know yet.
I put a breathalzyer on the car he drives when he left the hospital after a bit of a crisis almost 4 years ago. He cannot drive my car. If he were to decide to drive while impaired somehow, that is a deal breaker for me. I would have to leave. Done.
It wouldn't be a decision so much as a fact.
It is everyone's, not just us codies, but everyone's responsibility to keep impaired people from driving.
I'm not rigid in my views about hardly anything in life, but on this one I cannot budge even an inch.
Well, look at that, I've said it twice now. That's all folks!
I put a breathalzyer on the car he drives when he left the hospital after a bit of a crisis almost 4 years ago. He cannot drive my car. If he were to decide to drive while impaired somehow, that is a deal breaker for me. I would have to leave. Done.
It wouldn't be a decision so much as a fact.
It is everyone's, not just us codies, but everyone's responsibility to keep impaired people from driving.
I'm not rigid in my views about hardly anything in life, but on this one I cannot budge even an inch.
Well, look at that, I've said it twice now. That's all folks!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 43
NOTE - HUGE FINES: Please keep in mind that if you are married to the person you are reporting driving drunk, your family could end up with over $5000 in total costs including fines, court costs, and insurance rate increases for years to come. And that is just for a first time offender, it is much more for subsequent arrests.
This is all fine and good if the person would actually stop drinking or stay off the roads or if they are single without children to support - however, in our case when my AH finally got his DUI, he just kept on drinking and driving, oblivious to the consequenses - while his DUI resulted in removing thousands of dollars from an account desperately needed for our children’s support and care. It seems so unfair that the alcoholic's family has one more burden to bear - while the alcoholic just keeps drinking. We all know if we could have stopped the drinking by coercion or persuasion, we already would have.
It would seem more fitting if they just had the option of putting offending impaired person in jail ... and not impose fines that a family most likely already struggling financially will end up paying for. It is also possible more jail time rather than fines might make a bigger impression.
INSURANCE: Also, if a car is in your name and the alcoholic gets into a serious wreck incurring costs over what is covered by insurance, the sober spouse can also be sued for damages - sometimes for huge amounts. I was once told to put my AH’s car in his own name for this reason.
The idea of a breathalyzer in the car seems like a great option. Now if they could just come up with one that would clasp an alcoholic’s mouth shut everytime they got within 10 yards of alcohol - we might all feel safer.
This is all fine and good if the person would actually stop drinking or stay off the roads or if they are single without children to support - however, in our case when my AH finally got his DUI, he just kept on drinking and driving, oblivious to the consequenses - while his DUI resulted in removing thousands of dollars from an account desperately needed for our children’s support and care. It seems so unfair that the alcoholic's family has one more burden to bear - while the alcoholic just keeps drinking. We all know if we could have stopped the drinking by coercion or persuasion, we already would have.
It would seem more fitting if they just had the option of putting offending impaired person in jail ... and not impose fines that a family most likely already struggling financially will end up paying for. It is also possible more jail time rather than fines might make a bigger impression.
INSURANCE: Also, if a car is in your name and the alcoholic gets into a serious wreck incurring costs over what is covered by insurance, the sober spouse can also be sued for damages - sometimes for huge amounts. I was once told to put my AH’s car in his own name for this reason.
The idea of a breathalyzer in the car seems like a great option. Now if they could just come up with one that would clasp an alcoholic’s mouth shut everytime they got within 10 yards of alcohol - we might all feel safer.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Yes and No...
I help them not kill themselves or an innocent person. Any person, including me, who knowingly let's a drunk drive has blood on their hands if anything happens.
You could have done something-- and you didn't. A guy here in
Seattle with two young children died last night on his way home from Costco when a drunk broadsided him.
He never had a chance.
Cyranoak
You could have done something-- and you didn't. A guy here in
Seattle with two young children died last night on his way home from Costco when a drunk broadsided him.
He never had a chance.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by Hayfmr 
If your pretty certain a family member is driving under the influence do you help them get caught?
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
With XABF, since he insisted we always had to be together, I would insist upon driving if he had too much to drink, and there was enough of a rational human being inside there somewhere that if I was riding with him he'd hand me the keys most of the time.
When we were not together, he was usually rational enough to pull over and sleep it off before attempting to drive. He has absolutely driven over the legal limit on too many occasions to count, sometimes with my knowledge. I am quite fortunate that nobody was hurt.
He did get in an accident the same day he left rehab.
His sister claims it was because the cataract in one of his eyes got worse while he was in rehab and he didn't attempt to drive his car until it was dark out - believable, and since our state does have a mandatory jail sentence for drunk driving (only one day, but still, it's a start) and I'd have had my ear chewed off by his daughter if this had happened, I do believe the cataract story for this one.
Now I would call if I saw a drunk driver - not to "assist" them in getting caught, but to protect the other people on the road. There's a national number to call that deals only with drunk drivers, I got it off the forum.
1-800-283-7865
I did almost call it once, since there was a car swerving all over the road and nearly caused several accidents - then he started driving normal again, and as I (cautiously) passed him I saw he was eating a hamburger in the car.
Drunk driving is a big problem. Sometimes it's a good reminder that it's not the only problem on the road, though...
Sometimes people are sober and just don't think. I wish there was a number to call for people like that, too, but since hamburger-man didn't cause an accident there's nothing the police would have been able to do to prove he was a road hazard.
When we were not together, he was usually rational enough to pull over and sleep it off before attempting to drive. He has absolutely driven over the legal limit on too many occasions to count, sometimes with my knowledge. I am quite fortunate that nobody was hurt.
He did get in an accident the same day he left rehab.
His sister claims it was because the cataract in one of his eyes got worse while he was in rehab and he didn't attempt to drive his car until it was dark out - believable, and since our state does have a mandatory jail sentence for drunk driving (only one day, but still, it's a start) and I'd have had my ear chewed off by his daughter if this had happened, I do believe the cataract story for this one.
Now I would call if I saw a drunk driver - not to "assist" them in getting caught, but to protect the other people on the road. There's a national number to call that deals only with drunk drivers, I got it off the forum.
1-800-283-7865
I did almost call it once, since there was a car swerving all over the road and nearly caused several accidents - then he started driving normal again, and as I (cautiously) passed him I saw he was eating a hamburger in the car.
Drunk driving is a big problem. Sometimes it's a good reminder that it's not the only problem on the road, though...
Sometimes people are sober and just don't think. I wish there was a number to call for people like that, too, but since hamburger-man didn't cause an accident there's nothing the police would have been able to do to prove he was a road hazard.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 41
i used to run out in the driveway and stop my ExAH. Hide the keys. Rage. Lecture. Feel superior. I realized years later I shouldn't have tolerated it even once and broken up with him cause normal people don't put up with that stuff. The real answer isn't turning them in, it's getting that insane, risky behavior away from you and yours. Turning them in will only suck for you too cause you'll still be wrapped up. You'll pay the fine. You'll drive him/her around. You'll suffer but in a way you'll have it coming because you stayed with him. I mean "you" in a general way, not you specifically.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
: Please keep in mind that if you are married to the person you are reporting driving drunk, your family could end up with over $5000 in total costs including fines, court costs, and insurance rate increases for years to come. And that is just for a first time offender, it is much more for subsequent arrests.
If you choose to live with a person who chooses to commit a crime, you get to suffer the consequences, too.
There are very few things that make me furious.
Drunk driving is one of them.
I've seen lives ruined by drunk drivers. A 17-year-old dying by no fault of his own. And his mother's life ruined. Utterly, utterly ruined.
There is no excuse for driving drunk.
And there is no excuse for not reporting a drunk driver.
I'm with Cyrano here: You don't report someone you know is driving drunk, you can cound yourself an accomplice to murder.
And another thing: WTF is up with the acceptance of driving drunk in our society??? I had a coworker who got a DUI driving home from a bar one night. The rest of the office got together and this e-mail went around saying "We need to help D. get to and from work every day, sign up when you can drive him." I couldn't believe it. What about taking the consequences of your actions? When I asked, I was told, "It could have happened to any one of us" and I said, "No, it could NOT. To get a DUI, you have to a) drink and b) get behind the wheel of a car, in that order. So no, it could only happen to someone who's addicted or stupid enough to do those things. It could not happen to me." Several coworkers called me an intolerant b**ch -- but several coworkers thanked me. They had felt pressured into helping ferry this guy to and from work, and didn't know how to say no.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
I never hesitate to call and report a drunk driver when I see/witness it. My children have been in the car with me on several occasions - and by witnessing my behavior are learning that it's NOT okay to drive drunk. It's unsafe and if you see it - REPORT IT.
I learned from my father (a volunteer fireman) that you call 911... for car accidents, disabled vehicles, smoke coming out of house... whatever. Even if you think someone else may have already reported - CALL... because maybe they may assumed YOU called!!
Now, as for the times that my AH has been out and driven home drunk - I wish I had enough information to report it. Unfortunately, in most cases, I 1) have no clue which bar he's hanging out at 2) what time he's going to be behind the wheel and 3) what roads he'll be driving on.
I do pray that if someone else should happen to witness his drunk driving - that THEY report it.
I learned from my father (a volunteer fireman) that you call 911... for car accidents, disabled vehicles, smoke coming out of house... whatever. Even if you think someone else may have already reported - CALL... because maybe they may assumed YOU called!!
Now, as for the times that my AH has been out and driven home drunk - I wish I had enough information to report it. Unfortunately, in most cases, I 1) have no clue which bar he's hanging out at 2) what time he's going to be behind the wheel and 3) what roads he'll be driving on.
I do pray that if someone else should happen to witness his drunk driving - that THEY report it.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by WendyOWilliams
i used to run out in the driveway and stop my ExAH. Hide the keys. Rage. Lecture. Feel superior. I realized years later I shouldn't have tolerated it even once and broken up with him cause normal people don't put up with that stuff. The real answer isn't turning them in, it's getting that insane, risky behavior away from you and yours. Turning them in will only suck for you too cause you'll still be wrapped up. You'll pay the fine. You'll drive him/her around. You'll suffer but in a way you'll have it coming because you stayed with him. I mean "you" in a general way, not you specifically.
But under NO circumstances is it okay to not report drunk driving that you witness.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 43
It would be great if anyone ever caught drinking and driving could be forced to have a breathalyzer installed in their car ... and be forced to wear a SCRAM bracelet for at least 6 months during which time they would be prohibited from ALL consumption and/or purchase of alcohol.
Anyone caught drinking and driving has proven they are not capable of using good judgement when drinking ... and perhaps should lose the privilage to drink at all for an extended period of time accomplished by using a SCRAM bracelet.
Drinking alcohol should be considered a priviliage and not a right - a priviliage that would be lost if someone engages in reckless or dangerous behavior when drinking. Including losing the right to even purchase alcohol.
It would seem to be a more effective way to keep to keep the offender off the roads BEFORE they get behind the wheel and engage in any risky or deadly behavior rather than turning them loose and hoping they don’t drink and drive once more - which in highly unlikely with any alcoholic.
Anyone caught drinking and driving has proven they are not capable of using good judgement when drinking ... and perhaps should lose the privilage to drink at all for an extended period of time accomplished by using a SCRAM bracelet.
Drinking alcohol should be considered a priviliage and not a right - a priviliage that would be lost if someone engages in reckless or dangerous behavior when drinking. Including losing the right to even purchase alcohol.
It would seem to be a more effective way to keep to keep the offender off the roads BEFORE they get behind the wheel and engage in any risky or deadly behavior rather than turning them loose and hoping they don’t drink and drive once more - which in highly unlikely with any alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
Where I live, if you get a DUI you lose your license for usually one year and then sometimes also get a breathalzyer on your car after it is reinstated for a length of time.
This is good, but.... someone who drank and drove already broke the law. Driving without a license, drunk or sober, is just another law they may not worry too much about breaking. Afterall, "they're fine" and sometimes "they drive better drunk", "they'll be careful", "theyll take backroads", etc. Reason and what's right doesn't seem to matter much.
I don't know the answers here, but man, I wish we as a society could figure this one out!
This is good, but.... someone who drank and drove already broke the law. Driving without a license, drunk or sober, is just another law they may not worry too much about breaking. Afterall, "they're fine" and sometimes "they drive better drunk", "they'll be careful", "theyll take backroads", etc. Reason and what's right doesn't seem to matter much.
I don't know the answers here, but man, I wish we as a society could figure this one out!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
Originally Posted by Hayfmr
If your pretty certain a family member is driving under the influence do you help them get caught?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
My AH drives drunk. He waits in the morning not drinking anything until I leave for work and goes and gets more vodka thinking because he hadn't had anything to drink in five hours or less he's sober (not). I have hid keys, he has hid keys from me only to forget where he hid them and then to pay to have new ones made, threatened, pleaded and I came to the realization that I needed to divorce this man before he kills someone. I called our local police told them when he drives he is usually drunk gave them the model and make of the car and where we lived. I then proceeded to tell AH that I called the police and if he wanted to drive he would have to be police sober or they will arrest him and no one would bail him out and that he most likely would have to detox in jail. I'm now in the process of divorcing him getting rid of the liability and making the police aware of the danger of him driving and beyond that what more can I do? He's already had a dui 18 years ago and him not working for years and no to pay $5000 to get him out of jail for drunk driving! I'm done.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Just a little note for your co-workers...
...who called you an intolerant bitch: **** those guys!
Cyranoak
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by lillamy
And?
If you choose to live with a person who chooses to commit a crime, you get to suffer the consequences, too.
There are very few things that make me furious.
Drunk driving is one of them.
I've seen lives ruined by drunk drivers. A 17-year-old dying by no fault of his own. And his mother's life ruined. Utterly, utterly ruined.
There is no excuse for driving drunk.
And there is no excuse for not reporting a drunk driver.
I'm with Cyrano here: You don't report someone you know is driving drunk, you can cound yourself an accomplice to murder.
And another thing: WTF is up with the acceptance of driving drunk in our society??? I had a coworker who got a DUI driving home from a bar one night. The rest of the office got together and this e-mail went around saying "We need to help D. get to and from work every day, sign up when you can drive him." I couldn't believe it. What about taking the consequences of your actions? When I asked, I was told, "It could have happened to any one of us" and I said, "No, it could NOT. To get a DUI, you have to a) drink and b) get behind the wheel of a car, in that order. So no, it could only happen to someone who's addicted or stupid enough to do those things. It could not happen to me." Several coworkers called me an intolerant b**ch -- but several coworkers thanked me. They had felt pressured into helping ferry this guy to and from work, and didn't know how to say no.
If you choose to live with a person who chooses to commit a crime, you get to suffer the consequences, too.
There are very few things that make me furious.
Drunk driving is one of them.
I've seen lives ruined by drunk drivers. A 17-year-old dying by no fault of his own. And his mother's life ruined. Utterly, utterly ruined.
There is no excuse for driving drunk.
And there is no excuse for not reporting a drunk driver.
I'm with Cyrano here: You don't report someone you know is driving drunk, you can cound yourself an accomplice to murder.
And another thing: WTF is up with the acceptance of driving drunk in our society??? I had a coworker who got a DUI driving home from a bar one night. The rest of the office got together and this e-mail went around saying "We need to help D. get to and from work every day, sign up when you can drive him." I couldn't believe it. What about taking the consequences of your actions? When I asked, I was told, "It could have happened to any one of us" and I said, "No, it could NOT. To get a DUI, you have to a) drink and b) get behind the wheel of a car, in that order. So no, it could only happen to someone who's addicted or stupid enough to do those things. It could not happen to me." Several coworkers called me an intolerant b**ch -- but several coworkers thanked me. They had felt pressured into helping ferry this guy to and from work, and didn't know how to say no.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 163
Thanks everyone for confirming my thoughts. In this case I sent two family members on a 6 hour one way drive to go drive the AW home. I was afraid she would try driving drunk. This was the easy part, the divorce is going to be that hard part.
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