ajca

Hi

I've read so many posts and been to NA. I've been sober 11 years in AA. Semantics aside, I'm now addicted to percocet, went way past doctors orders. I've tried tapers, no way that will ever work for an addict.
I have a ton more percocet, but i am on my first 12 hours. I can't flush my stash and not telling my AA sponsor , no one knows I'm addicted.
I'm gonna try my first day off percs in 9 plus months, I already feel like hell. I've tried tapering, it works for 5 days, then I always end up back to 6-10 10/325 a day, even at my gym.
I have to stop, my AA program is now a lie. I can't get to a meeting yet, praying to my HP to get one day

ajca

Well, I'm using this as a journal. Got rid of all my percs, that was very hard, like 250 pills, a few thousand dollars. Tapering won't work for me, I've tried it 100 times.
I'm trying to take walks and going to a meeting that I won't see anyone I know. I feel like hell, no energy and want to break glass. I'm praying and reading my big book. I keep reading all the other posts, so many people addicted to oxycodone

ajca

Maybe this thread makes no sense. I actually spoke at an AA meeting Sunday night, I am 11 years off alcohol and cocaine, but had to take these pills for a transplant. Even if I can run 10 miles on a few percs, I am losing my mind. I have spent 4 weeks getting to 5 a day, now I'm on my first day without

ajca

I kept 3 .I have taken a half pill. But i have not made it to 4 pm on a half 5 mg since 9 months ago. I feel if i can get 1 a day, I will be off in 3 days

PaperDolls

Sometimes it helps to get honest with someone, including yourself.
You're not unique. This isn't the first time this has happened.
Get honest to your group. Maybe you'll help someone.

ajca

OK, spoke to my doctor, who knows I'm an addict. He says I'm weaning to fast, but its doable. He says try to get through next 3 days on one pill, it will be rough, 2 Max. I told him that I bought a bunch and got rid of them. He says get ambien to sleep

ajca

Thanks, I know, I should. I guess I have to change my sobriety date of may 20, 2000, but my sponsor says I was peescribed them, and he knows, but i I have not drank, and i had to take these pills for a transplant. Thanks, I will share

ajca

So, he says its not a relapse, but it will be if I stay on them much longer. My doctor knows I hate these Fu ing pills, but wanted me on them till Sept. So, I don't know, I have sponsees and a major recovery, but i really can't stop percocent. I'm at 24 hours and 5 mg, its a nightmare, but I'm grateful.
I hope tthis post helps someone. I know many AA/NA people have to get serious surgery and take narcotics, its so hard and i am I hope I can help someone soon

ajca

I have a rare eye disease, had 4 corneal transplants due to rejections and infections, so they pull in and out stitches from my eyes, it hurts. I didn't want these pills and my doctor knows I'm an addict.
So the discomfort of my eyes is better than taking these pills, doctor says I can try to go off. Anyway, I am in h and I, and active in AA. Guess I'm really down on myself, I'm addicted and i can not take these as prescribed

ajca

Well I'm now 24 hours with 10 mg total, that's 60-75% reduction, my doctor did not agree , but i threw out my meds, so he's behind me and now my sponsor is. I went to a meeting, but not ready to share until I am able to get off, I'm not sure I can, I'm praying, 3rd, 7th step prayers and serinity prayer.
I usually run, but can barely walk and my running has sucked on percs anyway, used to run marathons until surgery
Maybe this is no big deal to other addicts, but I feel terrible, but I've experienced much much worse before I came intoAA. My wife and kids went out of town, that helps.
I'm hoping to sleep, my doctor prescribed ambien. Sorry for any typos, I am blind in one eye, other eye is trying .
I'm updating this because I don't trust myself to go off. I'm sure the two half pills helped today, but its very uncomfortable. No thoughts of drinking nor cocaine, my prior demons

ajca

So a Dr says, cold turkey is very rough, but if you can't make an accelerated taper, welcome back to rehab

1. Drink water ever hour
2. Two bananas a day
3. Vitamens and take b6
4. During rough times, call people in program and hot showers
5. Easy does it, gonna take time

OK, I'm out, will hopefully sleep tonight. Can't think about how bad tomorrow will be, one minute at a time if needed

ajca

Yeah, get all the insomnia I've read about. One ambiem did nothing, but i can't take VAL and Zanex or claunipin, that's adding more danger for an alchy. You just sit there with hot and coldcflashes and everything sort of hurts, but its not that bad. I just pray my AA prayers, I'm now way past 24 hours. Hope to sleep, but grateful I'm not smoking coke or drinking scotch
its rough though, but I'm detoxing from at least a beginning taper of a week at 50mg. I was not given oxy because percocet is mostly tylonol, but its still a. Major narcotic

ajca

So when my doc told me I would be going off in Sept, first thing I did was buy ,an outside supply, expensive top price, that's an addict. Then I decided I had a ton, so i felt better. I obviously have over prescribed many times, my doctor dose. But i go to meetings 4 days a week, so i decided to getback down to 5 a day over the past 5 days "The Best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.", Abraham Lincoln. It was not that bad, a few rough evenings for sure, ripped on my wife and kids, meaning very irratible and dry drunkish
But I'm writing this for anyone been in recovery who screws up, has a surgery, has to take meds, then likes them too much. Whether I'm relapsing or not, I'm not drinking nor using cocaine, over 11 years sober off those. My therapist, who's in he program says I'm not relapsing yet, but I'm close

stugotz

Glad your therapist thinks you are not relapsing, that way you have someone to relate to.......

ajca

Well day 2, but i am one pill a day, 3 day taper. My doctor says 3 days on one 1 is almost home

I slept, I dont undetstand all the "no sleep for days" talk . Yes, I feel like hell, but i slept, sweats and cold, but i slept 7 hours no problem, maybe 8. A 1 mg prescribed ambien, but it was hard getting to sleep.

Waking up today reminded me of rehab, over 11 years ago, yuck

ajca

Zolpam 10mg (ambien generic), doctor prescribed

Anyway, I'TS gonna be a long day. I took off work, not sure how anyone can detox and go to work, impossible .

ajca

But i will say I'm gratrful to wake up, and first thing go take my 1 -2 pills just to. breath. I go until noon without a half, then 6 pm other half.
I know I am not pill free, butvthisvis day 2 on 1 a day, down from 5 a dsy, and a 9 month addiction. I've had 3 surgeries, but i can't take these anymore as prescribed

ajca

Thanks stu, its a tough call " rigorous honesty" , I've been abusing percs, prescribed or not. My transplants hurt today, but ibruprofin is all im gonna do
I should mention, my house is under remodel, no privacy, no shower till they leave, very hard time to stop, but i always have excuses. I can't get on a plane or go anywhere without pills. This is only day 2

ajca

My therapist says " we dont suffer" so i had to take meds, of course I love them, I'm an addict. But buying 200 pills "in case" is definitely crossing the line, but i flushed them yesterday, very hard to do (except 3), he sober 30 years.
Anyway, I agree with so many posts I've read, but i know, once, if, I can get off, the only thing that matters is STAYING SOBER, one day at a time. But the days are l o n g, going off percocet
I chose this week for many reasons, especially my kids and wife gone

ajca

I realize how irrational this thread is, but this is how bad its become for me on pain pills. My whole life has become about pills, powerlessness. When I take them, I've changed, lost all serenity
I have some hot and cold flashes every hour, that sucks . Gonna go walking , can't run, and to a meeting, if i can