Sean4988

In working the steps, I've had an overwhelming sense of peace and serenity come over me turning myself over to my higher power. I still have ups and downs. I find that I get most inspired when I talk a walk in the morning or exercise. I want to start meditating but not sure how. Has anyone else had this experience? Does this feeling last or am I on a pink cloud as they say?

Mark75

I do my best meditating while cycling... I find, for myself, that if I am trying, I am usually trying too hard...

As far as a method... I like taoism, although I have been interested and have made only a little progress in Thomas Merton's contemplation...

Maybe you are already meditating?



Mark

DayTrader

I find it'll come and go but that's not the nature of that feeling....it's because of me. What I mean is that feeling can stay, and stay a long time, IF we remain in fit spiritual condition. What happens in my life though, is that I take myself off the spiritual path - either one of my defects goes unchecked, I get lazy, I get interested in some material thing or......anything really..... I just take my eye off the ball and focus on something else. For a little while, I still feel ok....but sometimes I stay away too long. I make whatever this new thing is my new Higher Power. It gets the bulk of my attention. It becomes my primary purpose. It starts to dominate my thoughts. Eventually.....it hits me that I feel like garbage. I didn't fall off any pink cloud - I just put a bunch of crap that's NOT God in the way of my relationship WITH God and ya know what, that doesn't feel so good. So.....because of this pain......I start to reorganize my priorities, I try my best to put God at the top again, and I start to feel better again.

With a lot of practice, I've gotten much better at catching myself sooner.....but I still get off the path sometimes - usually without even knowing it. These "cycles" of being on and off and back on the path used to REALLLLLY upset me. I used to get soooo down on myself for "letting it happen again" that just the self-imposed self-centered anger at myself would keep me separated even lonnnnnger.......so I'd hurt even more. Now, I've finally realized that expecting to stay connected to God 100% of the time and expecting there never to be any separations is, once again, MY expectation, my ego, my control and, interestingly enough, ME playing God in my false belief that I can control my connectedness to God all the time (if that makes any sense ).

There are ebbs and flows, tide coming in and tide coming out. IF you feel that feeling has started to slip away be grateful. Be glad that you noticed it, that you felt it, and start looking at how you're living he program to find where the corrections need to be made. This is when a sponsor comes in really handy and when having multiple acquaintances who really know you in the program comes in handy - ask one of them and really listen to what they say. I'd bet you're like me - it's a whoooooole lot easier to spot areas of trouble in others than it is to see them in yourself. Ask God, lean on the fellowship, then take corrective action.

.....and if all that doesn't seem to work (or work quickly enough for you) - go help another drunk, and it'll come to you.

Sean4988

I believe I am meditating while exercising Mark75

Sean4988

DayTrader, this really upset me as well. I had to read your post 2 times to get what you are saying about me EXPECTING to stay connected to God 100% of the time and it makes all the sense in the world to me .....I didn't even realize it. There are so many things that I'm finding that I didn't realize before that are happening now, it's amazing. Thank you for your help

DayTrader

Heh.... I should have been more clear. Trying to explain some of this stuff is darn tricky.....

That's one of my FAVORITE things about sobriety! Un-frickin-believable how much there is to discover - about YOURSELF - in sobriety. To ever consider giving that up, for a drink, makes me sick to my stomach.

I didn't even touch on the meditation question - sorry bout that.

Early in recovery, I just couldn't do it. The idea of sitting still, in a chair (or on the floor, or etc etc), no music on, no tv on, no open talk playing, no web-surfing or computer work.....to just sit there / close my eyes / and try to clear my mind......man, no way. Being honest....it didn't feel good so I quit trying - period. I started putting myself in places though (like a retreat 2x per year) where meditation was the "goal" - it's what everyone went there to "work on." Those trips helped a lot...helped bring down my resistance.

I'll tell you this - I think meditation is PHENOMENALLY rewarding (and if it's rewarding......lol......I want MORE) but I don't devote enough time to it. I still find myself caught up in the hustle and bustle of life....missing out on the gift of sitting quietly and listening to my HP. Maybe that's just the way it's supposed to be......maybe I need to reorganize some priorities.....but I applaud you for asking about it. Meditation is one of THE things I neeeeeever evvvvvvvver did in my "previous" life......low and behold I need to incorporate it now.

I recently downloaded some Eckhart Tolle, Alan Watts, and a couple others in the hope that I could learn some new "methods." To start doing some meditating it helps to have a clue what it even IS (and I didn't really know what it really is).

Boleo

I used to use vodka to stop my monkey mind. Now I use ZaZen style meditation to effectively do the same thing without the consequences.

IMO steps 10 & 11 are the best tools for peace of mind and equanimity.

"There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life."
(12&12 page 98)

nacona

What does it mean to be in "fit spiritual condition"?

Sean4988

To have a connection with God or your higher power. Blockers are resentment, selfishness, fear and so on. After the 4th step, this became very apparent for me. A spiritual malady I'm finding is the root of my problem, drinking was just a symptom.

Boleo

When I am in "fit spiritual condition", nothing disturbs me enough to make me feel like I am suffering. When I am not suffering, nothing tempts me enough to make me want to get high or escape from reality.

If I had to use only one description of what it is like to be in "fit spiritual condition", it would be SOP - Sense Of Purpose.

nacona

What do you do daily to maintain a fit spiritual condition? And for someone like me, 16 days sober, what can I do until I get to my 4th step.

Sean4988

If you haven't read it, read the big book very closely and get a sponser to take you through the steps. This must be followed by daily action. Follow the steps precisely. I am new at this but it has made a tremendous difference in my life. Daily, I pray, morning and night and in between, you can't pray too much. Read the prayers from the big book and at the end of the day before you retire, go through the questions on page 86. I am on step 9 and it is only my third week, I would suggest putting this as top priority in your life, I pulled an overnighter to get my 4th step done and what an eye opener! I've never experienced anything like the peace that came over me while going through these steps. If you are like I was, you will not have much problem with steps 1-3, I was at the point where I will do anything, anything to get out of the absolute hell I was in.

nacona

If you are like I was, you will not have much problem with steps 1-3, I was at the point where I will do anything, anything to get out of the absolute hell I was in.

I will do anything to get this. I don't have a sponsor yet, although I did ask someone (she has 16 sponsees and couldn't take on another one) - I feel kind of lost as to what to do next. I have a list of books that someone gave me to read and speaker tapes to listen to, but I feel I need to get on with this asap so I don't drink again.

nacona

Sorry - I don't know how to quote.

Sean4988

Here is the part of the BB I'm referring to, page 86 of the BB:

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.

On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.



If you don't have a copy, google the big book, it is online...

nacona

Wow - I've read that many times before, but it feels like the first time just now. Thank you. I got a lot out of that.

nacona

Sean - I just opened the spreadsheet...thank you so much.

DayTrader

Nacona.... you're in a MUCH better position to "get this stuff" than I was....and I STILL got it. They weren't joking when they said this program truly requires honesty. Heck, I didn't even really WANT recovery....but by the grace of God I was able to be honest (and believe me, THAT was a gift from my HP ...I had not been honest about anything when I walked into AA).

Sean's right.....learning, working and LIVING the steps are what keep me in "fit spiritual condition." That Big Book was partially intended to be all a drunk really needed to get sober and stay happy but let's be honest, If you've never built an engine (in a car) before, you might be able to figure it out with a really good manual.....but it'd be a HECK of a lot easier if you had a mechanic at your side. That's a sponsor in AA. They're there to help you learn the ropes. They'll guide you. I won't say you can't do it without one, but it'll be a heck of a lot harder without one, that's for sure.

You want a good sponsor.... start asking God for one. Say it out loud....each morning and each night - and don't miss a night or a morning either. Don't believe in God....that's ok.....do it anyway....and keep doing it. As you're doing it....be on the lookout cuz they WILL be coming.

Maybe you should ask that lady with all the sponsees who she'd recommend? Maybe it's in the cards to be on yer own for a little while. Maybe that sponsor will be at your next meeting.....you know the one.....that meeting you're going to be tempted to change your mind about going to and just stay home. Prayers don't necessarily require faith but they do require some action.....you've go to keep up your end of the deal, so to speak.

Online BB is great.....but go get a physical book at a meeting. Say you're new and if you can't afford one tell them you can't but that you know you need one.....they'll GIVE you one - free. Use that honesty and sincere desire to your advantage....but be honest and carry through with the action.

And get yourself committed to being willing to do some stuff you aren't going to want to do. It's not like college hazing or anything....but you're going to have to be willing to consider that beliefs you hold just might be wrong (that one's still tough for me - ), you're going to have to take some actions you won't like (like writing that 4th step following the "rules" - doing the 4 columns, doing the fear inventory, doing the sex inventory.....all that stuff). If/when your sponsor tells you "you should ask God / pray about that" that means you NEED to go do that.....so go do it. I dunno about you, but "do this now" usually meant "do it....maybe.....and later is sufficient (if I ever get around to it)." That's not gonna cut it when you're fighting alcoholism..... it just looooves procrastination and bullheadedness - alcoholism feeds off that stuff to take you RIGHT back to a drink....and it rarely loses... So get ready for a battle with it.....and the only way I've found to win the war seems to be to do a lot of stuff my head likes to tell me I don't need to do.

here's the payoff though: a life.....a REAL life.....a life you're proud of.....relationships - REAL relationships.....with ppl who love and respect you. Freedom from fear - it won't dominate you like it used to. You'll feel real honest-to-goodness happiness and joy - and you won't have to be "doing something" to feel it. You'll be able to be just sitting at your keyboard like I am now typing this and just KNOW that it's all gonna be ok - no matter WHAT happens. Heck, read the bottom of page 83 & 84....you'll get THAT stuff. Don't believe it, cool....neither did I --But I was wrong..and everyone who's recovered will back me up...you'll GET that stuff........each and every one of them. -but you're gonna have to work for it. It doesn't come free and sometimes it doesn't come easily....but that's on the table for you to grab it. (and as I'm fond of saying....) Oh yeah, one more thing, you won't EVER have to drink again...EVER.

nacona

Great post as always, DT. Thank you very much.

Boleo

Good idea. Good sponsors usually know some other good sponsors. Plus, chances are, someone who has 16 sponcees, has at least 1 who would make a good sponsor.