DayTrader

Nacona.... you're in a MUCH better position to "get this stuff" than I was....and I STILL got it. They weren't joking when they said this program truly requires honesty. Heck, I didn't even really WANT recovery....but by the grace of God I was able to be honest (and believe me, THAT was a gift from my HP ...I had not been honest about anything when I walked into AA).

Sean's right.....learning, working and LIVING the steps are what keep me in "fit spiritual condition." That Big Book was partially intended to be all a drunk really needed to get sober and stay happy but let's be honest, If you've never built an engine (in a car) before, you might be able to figure it out with a really good manual.....but it'd be a HECK of a lot easier if you had a mechanic at your side. That's a sponsor in AA. They're there to help you learn the ropes. They'll guide you. I won't say you can't do it without one, but it'll be a heck of a lot harder without one, that's for sure.

You want a good sponsor.... start asking God for one. Say it out loud....each morning and each night - and don't miss a night or a morning either. Don't believe in God....that's ok.....do it anyway....and keep doing it. As you're doing it....be on the lookout cuz they WILL be coming.

Maybe you should ask that lady with all the sponsees who she'd recommend? Maybe it's in the cards to be on yer own for a little while. Maybe that sponsor will be at your next meeting.....you know the one.....that meeting you're going to be tempted to change your mind about going to and just stay home. Prayers don't necessarily require faith but they do require some action.....you've go to keep up your end of the deal, so to speak.

Online BB is great.....but go get a physical book at a meeting. Say you're new and if you can't afford one tell them you can't but that you know you need one.....they'll GIVE you one - free. Use that honesty and sincere desire to your advantage....but be honest and carry through with the action.

And get yourself committed to being willing to do some stuff you aren't going to want to do. It's not like college hazing or anything....but you're going to have to be willing to consider that beliefs you hold just might be wrong (that one's still tough for me - ), you're going to have to take some actions you won't like (like writing that 4th step following the "rules" - doing the 4 columns, doing the fear inventory, doing the sex inventory.....all that stuff). If/when your sponsor tells you "you should ask God / pray about that" that means you NEED to go do that.....so go do it. I dunno about you, but "do this now" usually meant "do it....maybe.....and later is sufficient (if I ever get around to it)." That's not gonna cut it when you're fighting alcoholism..... it just looooves procrastination and bullheadedness - alcoholism feeds off that stuff to take you RIGHT back to a drink....and it rarely loses... So get ready for a battle with it.....and the only way I've found to win the war seems to be to do a lot of stuff my head likes to tell me I don't need to do.

here's the payoff though: a life.....a REAL life.....a life you're proud of.....relationships - REAL relationships.....with ppl who love and respect you. Freedom from fear - it won't dominate you like it used to. You'll feel real honest-to-goodness happiness and joy - and you won't have to be "doing something" to feel it. You'll be able to be just sitting at your keyboard like I am now typing this and just KNOW that it's all gonna be ok - no matter WHAT happens. Heck, read the bottom of page 83 & 84....you'll get THAT stuff. Don't believe it, cool....neither did I --But I was wrong..and everyone who's recovered will back me up...you'll GET that stuff........each and every one of them. -but you're gonna have to work for it. It doesn't come free and sometimes it doesn't come easily....but that's on the table for you to grab it. (and as I'm fond of saying....) Oh yeah, one more thing, you won't EVER have to drink again...EVER.