My best friend's funeral
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Delaware
Posts: 38
My best friend's funeral
I'm really depressed. My best friend died recently and I attended her funeral on Saturday. I feel really lost and empty. I don't feel close to or comfortable with anyone like I did with her. I live in a recovery house and I can't find a job. No driver's license and a criminal background. I feel like I am just existing from day to day. I don't want to go back "out there" but my life feels so empty.
Fighting my Demons
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: London, UK
Posts: 60
Hi Valleyd,
over a year ago I went to Cambodia with my then boyfriend, we went to a bar. I came back earlier, he stayed. Then after a few drinks (he wasn't an alcoholic) he got on his motorcycle to get back home. He never did. At 6am I went to a local dumping ground (Welcome to Cambodia!) to identify his body. His friends together with the local police were trying to extort money of me for handling his body & his loans. I had to flee an unknown country in the middle of the night, also caring for my friend (who was terrified) at the same time. I had nobody to turn to, nobody that would understand me, nobody that could help. I felt at this point, that my life is not only empty, but also pointless, I had enough.
Well, somehow I got it together & I am here now.
I don't have for you any gold advice, just to let you know, that there is a strength in everyone. Wish you that you'll find it V.
over a year ago I went to Cambodia with my then boyfriend, we went to a bar. I came back earlier, he stayed. Then after a few drinks (he wasn't an alcoholic) he got on his motorcycle to get back home. He never did. At 6am I went to a local dumping ground (Welcome to Cambodia!) to identify his body. His friends together with the local police were trying to extort money of me for handling his body & his loans. I had to flee an unknown country in the middle of the night, also caring for my friend (who was terrified) at the same time. I had nobody to turn to, nobody that would understand me, nobody that could help. I felt at this point, that my life is not only empty, but also pointless, I had enough.
Well, somehow I got it together & I am here now.
I don't have for you any gold advice, just to let you know, that there is a strength in everyone. Wish you that you'll find it V.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 159
I'm so sorry Valleyd, you must feel really sad right now, I can't imagine losing my best friend.
Going back out there will not make anything better though, you know. It would be more of an honor to the memory of your friend to find a healthy way to grieve. Just know that it is normal to feel the way that you do, and that it will take time. The only thing I would recommend is some physical activity if you do not already do so. it is good for the body and the mind.
Going back out there will not make anything better though, you know. It would be more of an honor to the memory of your friend to find a healthy way to grieve. Just know that it is normal to feel the way that you do, and that it will take time. The only thing I would recommend is some physical activity if you do not already do so. it is good for the body and the mind.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
valley, all I can tell you is that you will get through this and I do mean all up there that you listed. I, myself, just attended a funeral for a good friend, I've been in treatment and while I don't have the criminal background situation (know many out there working who do) these are just obstacles to over come.
I'm sure you do feel how you feel and you have every reason to. Just don't stay there forever and know that life does get better. It's rough when we've been used to picking up and using whenever things get bad. Go through it and we'll be here to support you.
I'm very sorry about your friend.
I'm sure you do feel how you feel and you have every reason to. Just don't stay there forever and know that life does get better. It's rough when we've been used to picking up and using whenever things get bad. Go through it and we'll be here to support you.
I'm very sorry about your friend.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
I'm sorry for the loss of your best friend, and know that you are feeling grief and going through the grieving process.
I believe that your friend would want you to continue your life and to thrive!
I believe that your friend would want you to continue your life and to thrive!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 732
I lost my best friend 5 years ago - I wish I could say the pain goes...it doesn't. But, what does happen, is that the loss and pain become part of you, part of your story, and you learn to live with it.
I know exactly how you feel when you say you only felt close and comfortable with her, that is exactly how I was with mine. We went through school, college, nurse training, divorces and our first born children together. I still have not managed to plug that huge void she left - people have attempted to get close to me but I reject their friendship. I have superficial friends but no-one I can turn to.
I am very lucky though, I have a husband and children, so I don't feel alone all the time. Although I do feel lonely, and I miss her so much.
If you need to message me I will try and help you, any time, as I do know some of what you are going through
I know exactly how you feel when you say you only felt close and comfortable with her, that is exactly how I was with mine. We went through school, college, nurse training, divorces and our first born children together. I still have not managed to plug that huge void she left - people have attempted to get close to me but I reject their friendship. I have superficial friends but no-one I can turn to.
I am very lucky though, I have a husband and children, so I don't feel alone all the time. Although I do feel lonely, and I miss her so much.
If you need to message me I will try and help you, any time, as I do know some of what you are going through
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Valleyd my sincerest condolances on the lose of your best friend.
Feeling lost & empty at a time like this is pretty normal, since I have gotten sober 3 1/2 years ago I have not experienced the lose of anyone VERY close to me, but I have the experience, strength of others I know to lean on in AA who have been through similar things and they stayed sober.
Every one of the folks I know let others in the fellowship know what they were going through and they drew upon the experience of those who had been through this to get through it sober.
I know one gentleman who's wife lost thier first child when she was 8 months pregnant, he leaned upon the fellowship & stayed sober. I know another man who lost his 23 year old son in an auto accident, he leaned upon the fellowship and stayed sober. I know a lady who lost her husband after 30+ years of marriage, she also leaned upon the fellowship & stayed sober.
Was it easy on any of them? Heck no!!! Did they start off feeling lost & alone? You beat they did, but as with getting and staying sober where they did not do it alone, they leaned on the ES&H of others who had been where they were at, they reached out to those in the fellowship who had been through what they were going through.
Valleyd reaching out here I imagine has helped to a degree, you say you are in a recovery home so I would assume you attend meetings, why not reach out at meetings?
Valleyd I encourage you to reach out for help in this time of need, be it a counselor, a preacher, Rabbi, some one who has been through this and stayed sober. Reach out & pray as well.
You will find this easier if you let it out. Do not get me wrong, if you are like me and others when in early sobriety, emotions are new & very raw, just know that many folks do make it through mourning with out picking up.
Feeling lost & empty at a time like this is pretty normal, since I have gotten sober 3 1/2 years ago I have not experienced the lose of anyone VERY close to me, but I have the experience, strength of others I know to lean on in AA who have been through similar things and they stayed sober.
Every one of the folks I know let others in the fellowship know what they were going through and they drew upon the experience of those who had been through this to get through it sober.
I know one gentleman who's wife lost thier first child when she was 8 months pregnant, he leaned upon the fellowship & stayed sober. I know another man who lost his 23 year old son in an auto accident, he leaned upon the fellowship and stayed sober. I know a lady who lost her husband after 30+ years of marriage, she also leaned upon the fellowship & stayed sober.
Was it easy on any of them? Heck no!!! Did they start off feeling lost & alone? You beat they did, but as with getting and staying sober where they did not do it alone, they leaned on the ES&H of others who had been where they were at, they reached out to those in the fellowship who had been through what they were going through.
Valleyd reaching out here I imagine has helped to a degree, you say you are in a recovery home so I would assume you attend meetings, why not reach out at meetings?
Valleyd I encourage you to reach out for help in this time of need, be it a counselor, a preacher, Rabbi, some one who has been through this and stayed sober. Reach out & pray as well.
You will find this easier if you let it out. Do not get me wrong, if you are like me and others when in early sobriety, emotions are new & very raw, just know that many folks do make it through mourning with out picking up.
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